Lack of Color
by coldplaywhore
Summary: He paints; she inspires. Together they are whole, until one day they are separated, breaking him of his soul. Five years later, she's not his. Can she be again? ExB AU AH M for language and lemons.
1. Slow Swirl at the Edge of the Sea

**Welcome back to yet another drawn out multi-chapter fic by me, cpw. Big thanks to MaggieMay14 and smmiskimen for their beta magic and to Risbee and Acinad816 for pre-reading and encouraging this madness. Each chapter has alternating POV's, with the present day chapters told in EPOV and the past chapters told in BPOV.  
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**Those who have read my stories before know of my love of art. It's only mentioned in like 10 of them, LOL. This summer I saw an Abstract Expressionist Exhibit in Toronto that had come from MOMA in NYC and it may have brought some light to this story. Each chapter is named after a painting I love. If you are interested, Google them. They are beautiful and compelling.  
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**I don't own Twilight. I do own a HUGE book about Rembrandt.  
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><p>"<strong>I'm interested in expressing the big emotions—<br>tragedy, ecstasy, doom." – Mark Rothko**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**Present Day  
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Have you ever just had one of those moments where time seems to stand still and you look at your surroundings and wonder how in the hell you got there?

I just had one.

I'm twenty-four and somewhat happy in my career and life in general. Sure, it wasn't the field I expected to go in to, but I'm doing okay for myself. I have nice friends and a small but decent apartment, but there was always one thing that eluded me – I never truly fell in love.

I take that back.

I never fell in love _again_.

There was the one that got away. Isabella Marie Swan to be more precise, though she never let anyone call her that; not even me. For six mind-blowing months we were inseparable. She was my sun and my moon; my life and my art revolved around her.

My art. It no longer existed.

I thought nothing could be worse than the months that followed her leaving, but I was wrong. I was basically a shell of my former self and my brother even tried to stage an intervention, but it's hard to do when it's just him and his girlfriend, now wife, Rosalie there.

I was stubborn, heartbroken and hard to deal with. I still can't fathom why he didn't just have me committed to an asylum. Instead, he dealt with my shit and helped me put back the pieces of my life. I was finally moving in the right direction.

However, things have been made a hundred times worse, because I was forced to sit in a fancy ass restaurant with my family, and my cousin, Peter, brought his fiancée to dinner with us. I hate family dinners, especially ones that include Peter. Thankfully they have been few and far between until now. It seems that Peter and his fiancée are moving to Seattle in a few weeks and were in town to scope out apartments to move into.

Usually this wouldn't affect me, and I would just nod my head and strike up some casual conversation with Peter about his beloved Chicago Cubs, because lord knows he never really cared to talk about anything that interested me. However, this time, I'm slack-jawed and silent, because his fiancée is none other than Isabella Marie Swan.

The girl who broke my heart.

And she wouldn't even make eye contact with me. How fucked up is that?

**Final note - all remaining chapters will be much longer than this. LOL. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Sea Change

**Keeping true to my word, I'm posting Chapter 2 now so you awesome readers get some insight into Bella and Edward's past. MaggieMay14 and smmiskimen put up with my shit. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read like rockstars and I adore them.**

**I don't own Twilight; I own a massive headache and a sweet spot for my readers.**

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><p>"<strong>I want to express my feelings rather than illustrate them." – Jackson Pollock<strong>

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><p><strong>BPOV <strong>

**October 2006  
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The steps back to my apartment were heavy and full of regret. Maybe if I had just done the job properly or given my manager, a heavy set guy named Eric, a blowjob like he had asked so nicely, I would still have my job. However, I hated the job – the hours, the location, and the constant sexual harassment all sucked. The only thing I liked was the steady paycheck, and even that was lacking most days because I didn't get the hours that some of the other girls got because I wasn't very good and I wouldn't suck my boss's cock. I tried to think positive; there would be other jobs for more money, but there weren't many people who wanted to hire a twenty-four year old who wasn't exactly in a hurry to get her degree from the University of Washington.

I felt like a perpetual student. I had started UDub fresh out of high school and got really great grades for my freshman year. Then some family issues kept me from returning for my second year. Money was tight and I found out my mother had been cheating on my father repeatedly for years with the same rich asshole that lived in Seattle.

Another thing that sucked – my parents' divorce.

My mother moved to Chicago with the rich jackass and I cut off virtually all contact with her. She still called and emailed every so often, but I rarely answered the phone or called back. Sometimes if I was really desperate for money I would call, but I felt horrible afterwards – like I was only using her for her money – or Marcus's money, technically.

I finally managed to head back to school but I took a lighter course load and have been dragging out actually graduating. I am a few credits shy and, though I should be good to graduate in the spring, I like going to school. It gives my life meaning. If someone asks what I do, I am a student. In five months, I'm not sure I can say the same. 'So, Bella, you finally graduated…what are you going to do?' people would ask me after I toss my cap into the air with the other eager graduated. I could already see myself simply shrugging my shoulders. After all, what does one do with a degree in poetry?

I climbed the steps into my small apartment building, avoiding the landlords' office at all costs. My neighbor, who I guess would also be my best friend, Kate, stood in her hallway unlocking her door.

"Swan…what's going on? Shouldn't you be at work?"

"It was an easy day," I lied easily as Kate rolled her eyes.

"Bullshit, it's the lunch rush. Everyone within a three-mile radius visits the diner. Come on…what's the deal?"

"Eric let me go cause I wouldn't blow him."

"No shit," Kate squealed as I saw her face turn from content to angry in a flash. "Want me to send Garrett over there to beat the shit out of him?"

"Tempting, really," I replied as I pushed my door open and Kate didn't bother to go into her place, choosing to follow me into mine instead. "Let's face it though; I was shit at the job. I messed up orders all the time and constantly fought off the advances of Eric and half of the businessmen who would wander in. It was pathetic. In hindsight, I'm glad I don't have the job anymore."

Kate kicked my door closed behind us and grabbed a gallon of ice cream from my freezer before taking two spoons from my drawer and pushing me onto the couch. She settled in beside me and handed me a spoon and together we began to laugh about how horrible I had really been.

"I remember when I dragged Garrett in there for breakfast one day and you completely fucked up his order. He wanted eggs and you gave him pancakes. Plus, you kept bringing us splenda instead of actual sugar. I mean, it pissed me off and we're friends. I could only imagine how frustrated regular customers would be."

"The guys always left big tips, with their phone numbers of course, but I never did anything with any of them. If it wasn't for those tips I would have been homeless weeks ago."

"Oh Bella, how bad is it this time?" Kate knew my history better than anyone. We were sort of kindred spirits. Her parents had divorced when she was younger and her dad was now on his fourth wife, while her mother was barely managing through life. It was just a reversal of roles and it had happened more recently for me. Sure, divorce was a lot more commonplace these days, but it didn't make it any better. "Call your mom; you know she will send you some money."

"I just don't want to deal with her. I can't listen to her berate me for losing my job and then begin insisting I move to Chicago with her. Do you know how hard it is to listen to her be all excited and shit about her life, when she threw away the life she had with my dad. It was like they were never happy, and just tolerated each other until I moved out, ya know?"

"I get it, hon," Kate said supportively as we both reached in the tub for some ice cream and it grew silent between us. Suddenly, Kate grabbed the campus newspaper off the table and tossed it at me. "There's always the job listings in there."

"No one needs tutoring in poetry, Kate," I replied as I pushed the paper away and she proceeded to grab at it again and flip to the classifieds.

"Okay, well you can't be a tutor and I know you don't want to work in the cafeteria,

so your options are limited," Kate said before she took another spoonful of ice cream and then began flailing about, pointing at the paper. "Here's a good one. 'Art Student requires nude model for up to five weeks for class assignment. $25 an hour, paid weekly. Contact E Cullen at 206-789-2354.' Bella, you should totally call this guy."

"No way," I replied with a dramatic flourish of my hands, accidently throwing my ice cream covered spoon onto the floor. "I cannot be a nude model."

"If he pays you $25 an hour, and you work four hours a day, while just standing there, you can make like $700 a week if you work every day. Can you imagine? You'd have your rent issue taken care of immediately."

"It's a short term solution, Kate," I replied with a sigh. "What will I do in four weeks after I've been painted naked, which no doubt will be seen by countless people? I will still need to find another job."

"Fine then, save the money you get. Pay off Aro, and then you have a month of rent saved up and you can spend a month looking for a new job, something more suitable for the flighty poetry major that you are. Like maybe you can work at Starbucks?"

"Fuck off with your logic and I can't do Starbucks. We've already determined I can't be a waitress, I think the barista thing would blow, too. Plus, I'd never be able to remember all those drink combinations."

Kate and I spent the next hour trying to come up with more suitable solutions to my problems, but we had nothing promising by the time she had to leave. I made myself some noodles for dinner and as I sat on my couch watching Jeopardy, the paper on my coffee table was mocking me. It was open to the page with the classified ads and Kate had even circled the listing we had joked about in red pen, so it was standing out like a sore thumb. Taunting me.

So, after five minutes of just staring at the paper, I put my bowl down with a clang and dialed the number. I got the machine and left the world's most random message.

"Uh…hi. This message is for E Cullen. My name is Bella Swan and I am responding to the uh…the ad in the paper for an um…shit. I'm responding to the ad about the model. You can call me back." Then I hung up and two seconds later I realized I hadn't left my number, so I called back and felt like a fool. "Uh…yeah, this is Bella again. I am still interested in the modeling job and you can call me back at 206-788-9076."

When I hung up the phone a second time, I closed my eyes and let out a long breath. God, I hoped he called back, but part of me was scared shitless. If he did call back, and he was interested, I would have to get naked in front of him. Hell, it could be a her. E could stand for Elizabeth or Emma. I had no idea who the hell this person was.

What in the fuck was I doing?

I tossed my bowl in the sink and washed it quickly before deciding I needed a bath to calm my nerves. As I soaked in the water though, I began to catalogue everything I had to worry about and how important it was that I found a job as soon as possible. I had to remain focused on my classes as much as possible. I had already taken much too long to get this far in my degree, but I couldn't do any of it without work. I needed a job.

My phone rang on the bathroom counter and it was with trepidation that I wiped off my hands and grabbed it, continuing to soak in the tub as I answered it. "Hello?" I questioned quietly, not recognizing the number on the phone.

"Yes, hello…is this Bella?"

"Uh…yeah."

"This is Edward Cullen. You left a message on my machine about the modeling job I had listed in The Daily." Shit, why did it have to be an Edward? Couldn't it have been a woman named Edith or Erin? "Bella, are you there?"

"Yeah, sorry. You caught me in the bath," I admitted shamelessly as I smacked my hand against my forehead and then it smacked off the back of the tub. Fuck me.

"Would you prefer if I call you back?" he asked with a slight groan before clearing his throat.

"No, this is fine," I mumbled as I sat up a bit in the tub and water sloshed over the side. I could already picture myself slipping on it as I got out of the tub because I would inevitably forget all about it. I was just that smooth on my feet.

"Oh, okay," he replied anxiously and I could already picture him blushing on the other end of the phone. "Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I thought we could meet in my studio space and I could see you in my element. See if you would work in my lighting." Huh?

"Oh, yeah, sure." I replied, confused.

"If I choose you as my subject, Bella, we will be spending a lot of time together in my studio. I want to make sure that you will be comfortable and I will also be able to get what I need for my projects. I know I said this was a four week project for school, but if inspiration strikes me, I may want to use your services longer for non-school related paintings. If that is alright with you."

"Will I get paid for those too?"

"Certainly."

"Alright," I said, somewhat buoyed. All I would really have to do is stand there in my birthday suit while some guy painted me. How bad could that be? "Can you text me your address and the time you want me to meet you?"

"Of course, Bella," Edward replied, his voice shifting to be calm and cool, unlike earlier. "I look forward to meeting you."

I hung up moments later and it was only a minute later that I got the text with his details. I climbed from the bath more nervous than I was when I had climbed into it. Dressed in only a towel, with my hair dripping down my back, I stood in front of my closet wondering what the hell I should wear to an interview for nude modeling. If only I had a black trench coat, I could go in the buff.

I was so fucked.

The next day, I dressed casually in a skirt and loose flowing top, something I could easily get out of for the nude part of the festivities. I even spent extra time in the morning making sure I was trimmed in the girly areas, my skin was smooth as hell and I smelled as good as possible. I didn't want anything to go wrong.

When I rang the bell at the non-descript but industrial looking building, my heart was hammering in my chest. I was nervous as fuck and as I looked around I really began to second guess what the hell I was doing there. That was until the door opened and I found myself staring into the deepest green eyes I had ever seen in my life.

"Are you Bella?" he asked simply as I just nodded my head, unable to formulate any words. Edward motioned with his arm for me to come in and then he led me down a small corridor to a service elevator. It was old, rickety and I suddenly found myself wondering if I would make it out of the building alive.

However, there was something about Edward that put me at ease. His body language told me he was a bit anxious too, but he was also younger than me. He had barely any scruff on his face and I felt like it probably took him a few weeks to grow what he had. His body was lean, his hands were paint stained and his hair was in complete disarray, but he was beautiful. With one quick glance you could see that this man, or this boy even, was filled with passion. Something I was desperately lacking.

He ushered me into his apartment, which was a large open space with a bed in the very back, a large leather couch and a lot of painting supplies everywhere. There were two easels set up, shelves upon shelves of paint, pencils, papers, canvasses…everything he could need to make a masterpiece. His small kitchen was hideously dirty and there were take-out packages littering the counter, but they held no interest to me. All I really wanted to do was get naked and see if Edward was interested, because surely that was all this 'interview' needed, right?

"Would you like something to drink, Bella?" Edward asked as he made his way into his kitchen.

"Sure," I mumbled back as I noticed a little settee with an easel set up in front of it. There was a ton of natural light coming in from the wall of windows and as Edward was getting drinks, I decided to just get it over with and began to undress.

"You must be pretty nervous, huh? I have admit, I've never done this before myself. My brother talked me into it and I will completely understand if you decide you don't want to do it," Edward called out from the kitchen as I folded my clothes and left them on the settee before making my way back towards Edward.

"Holy shit," he cursed, dropping the bottle of water he had fetched for me as I stood there with my hands on my hips and my back arched. Okay, I was trying to make my breasts look bigger, but he didn't need to know that.

"Is this alright?" I questioned as I did a little turn and Edward was moving quickly around the room, grabbing my clothes from the settee and thrusting them at me before covering his eyes with his hand.

"Can you please get dressed, Bella? Please?" I quirked my eyebrow at him, but noticed that Edward wasn't moving. What in the hell?

"I thought this was what you wanted? This is nude modeling right? Surely you don't want to see me with my clothes on, do you?" I had so many questions. I was so bloody confused.

"Yes…I mean, no."

"No? Okay, this is getting really confusing."

"Okay, I do need a nude model, you are right," he answered tentatively as I began to redress and I could hear a sigh of relief from Edward as he heard me. "I wanted to get to know you as a person, not as a body. I didn't really care if you were skinny or curvaceous. If you had dark hair or light hair. The body isn't the issue for me. I want someone who I can connect with, who I can paint and feel emotion with. Does that make sense?"

"So I am going about this all wrong, huh?"

"Well, you certainly are beautiful, but yeah…it's kinda backwards for what I want."

"What do we do now?" I questioned as I adjusted my shirt and felt my cheeks heat up. I felt like an idiot for getting naked, when all he really wanted was to get to know me and see if he felt like we would be a good fit. I withheld the urge to smack myself on the head for being a moron. "You can turn around, Edward."

"Are you still interested in the job?"

"Yeah, but I can't imagine why you would want me," I muttered as Edward grabbed his wallet and keys from his kitchen counter and motioned towards the front door. I didn't blame him for wanting to kick my ass out.

"Let's just say I have a good feeling about you, Bella. Care to join me?"

"You're not going to take me somewhere, kill me and then dump the body, right?"

"You watch a lot of CSI?"

"Not as much as I used to, but yeah…I've seen a few episodes." That's an understatement. When I was a sick a few months ago, I was laid up in bed and watched a CSI marathon on TV. Of course, now I don't have cable, it was a pointless expense considering how little I watched it. "So, no potential death?"

"Nope. I'm harmless. I just thought of a place where we could go to get to know each other better and where, hopefully, you won't feel the inclination to undress." Edward opened the door and motioned once more for me to follow him, so I decided to just throw caution to the wind. I nodded my head and followed him out the door, to flag down a cab a few blocks from his building. "To the Seattle Art Museum, please."

When we walked in the front door off of 1st Avenue, Edward's hand was on my lower back, as he ushered me forward. He stopped at the entrance and paid my fee, while flashing some sort of card to the woman. "I'm a member," he said simply as we headed inside and he led me up to Gallery Level 3. "This is where the modern art is kept, and I'm curious about your opinion on a work."

"Just one work?" I questioned as we stood on the escalator, Edward directly in front of me. He nodded his head and I scrunched my eyes together. I wasn't sure how I felt about Edward yet. Sure, he was cute as hell, although clearly younger than me, but he was also very free and different.

As we walked through the third level, it was compelling to see how happy and in his element he seemed. I was sure I felt like he did when I was ensconced in one of my favorite books of poetry, like something by Pablo Neruda. Edward's smile practically reached his eyes as we stopped in front of a fairly large canvas mounted alone on a bare white wall and he held out his hand.

"I'm assuming this is it?"

"You are right. Now, what do you think about when you look at this picture? Don't over think it; just tell me the first thing that comes to mind."

I stared at the work; a dark piece comprised of splattered paints in black, silver, orange, blues and white. "Are those stones on there?" I questioned as Edward nodded his head slowly. Who the fuck paints and then tosses on some rocks too?

"It reminds me of poetry. Instead of a combination of words flowing together to evoke an emotion or create an image, you have splattered paint and rocks doing the same thing. The painting makes me sad, if I am being honest with you. I think it's too dark."

"It's called Sea Change."

"Like from 'The Tempest'?"

"Exactly. It's one of the more popular works at the gallery and my absolute favorite."

"Why?" I questioned again, as Edward's smile turned larger and he grinned excitedly at me. It was clear that this was something he was passionate about - his art.

"Because it reminds me of change. It's rumored that the painting is about a meteorological event, but like in the Tempest, it's about Ferdinand's belief that his father died and suffered the sea to change into something rich and strange, not unlike this painting."

"It's a Jackson Pollock right?"

"Yeah. You know him?" he asked, sounding surprised that I knew it; however, I couldn't lie to the kid, so I fessed up.

"I read it on the placard. All I know is how to read." Edward and I both laughed before he rested his hand on my lower back and guided me to another painting. As we walked, I couldn't help but realize how comfortable I felt with him.

"Did you know people called him Jack the Dripper?"

"That's morbid."

"Morbid, but accurate," he said with another laugh.

For the next two hours, Edward gave me a personal tour of the museum, asking my opinions on every painting, sculpture and abstract work we paused at. He never once said if my opinion or thoughts were right, he simply nodded his head or gave his own thought and we moved onto the next.

Finally, as the day drew to a close, I found myself getting impatient. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"We've been at this for a while, and while I have been enjoying it and spending time with you, I have to ask…did I get the job?"

"You most definitely got the job, Bella."


	3. War and Peace

**A lot of you are curious to see how the rest of the dinner goes, well here ya go. MaggieMay14 and smmiskimen are superstars. Risbee and Acinad816 are the best pre-readers ever. **

**I've mentioned before that I don't own Twlight; but at least I made them have sex. Not in this chapter though. LOL**

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><p><strong>"All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." – Pablo Picasso<strong>

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**Present Day - August 2011**

"So, Peter… when do you officially transfer to the Seattle office," my mother, Esme, asked politely as I motioned to the waitress to bring me another drink. Yes, this evening undoubtedly appeared like it would require as many drinks as I could handle, which wouldn't be that much seeing as I was not usually a big drinker to begin with. Well, not anymore.

"I'm due to transfer at the end of the summer, but we figured we should get a jump on the move and everything. We want to make our transition is as smooth as possible." My mother nodded eagerly in response to Peter's rigid comments, but then I watched her eye Bella, who remained strangely silent. During my time with Bella, she never had the opportunity to meet my parents, though I had been sure that my mother would have adored her. Hell, she would probably still adore her; it just wouldn't be in the capacity of my girlfriend.

Though things were good, for the most part, between Bella and me during our relationship, there was just never a good time to meet the other's parents. We dated over Christmas, but Bella went to be with her father and I was with my parents at the time. Her father, Charlie, didn't venture to the city too much and my parents were always busy or traveling, it just never happened. It wasn't that I didn't want her to meet my parents, or for me to meet hers, we had even tried a few times, but nothing ever came of it all.

Of course, I never thought in my wildest dreams that Bella would be sitting here at dinner with us, let alone as the fiancée of my pompous cousin.

How in the hell had that happened? They were so drastically different and Peter was just such... an asshole. He was not Bella's type at all, but it was clear as I sat there watching her intently, that she wasn't the person I had known several years ago anymore. Had I known the real Bella or was this her? I had no idea.

"Well, you know if I can be of help, I will," my mother offered sweetly as I cringed. Esme sold real estate, and she did very well considering the economy, but helping Peter meant spending time with Bella, and the prospect of that made me green with envy. "I can always give you guys a few listings in neighborhoods that you are interested in and we can go from there."

Bella looked to Peter for a response, even though my mother had been looking at her when she spoke. All I could think was… what in the fuck? I felt like I was in some sort of weird twilight zone. Bella was never really quiet when I was with her. She also never waited for me to give a response to a question she was asked. This entire situation just made me feel completely strange, and I breathed a sigh of relief when the waitress reappeared with my drink. Emmett shot me a look of disapproval and I waived him off before I took a long pull of my Jack & Coke.

"That would be wonderful, Aunt Esme," Peter replied, seeming sincere, but I knew him better than that.

As children, Peter was literally the bane of my existence. Thankfully, we didn't spend too much time together but when we did I was always eager to get it over with as soon as possible, and Emmett agreed with me.

For as long as I could remember, Peter was always the most competitive and conceited person I had ever met. If we were playing a board game, he would always make up rules so that he would win or if we were watching TV, we would always have to watch what he wanted to watch. My mother was always telling us to behave because he was usually our guest and we had to bend to Peter's way. It sucked, because Peter was always smug as fuck whenever Emmett and I had to give up whatever it was that we wanted. Even now, Peter looked over confident and I wanted to punch him, though I had never thrown a punch in my life.

"Why don't you give me your details and I can email you our information and what we are looking for, our price range etc… and we can go from there?"

"Wonderful idea, Peter," my mother gushed, as our appetizers and salads were served and I noticed Bella take a long sip from her wine. Her silence was seriously disconcerting to me. "So, Bella… what is it that you do?"

"Bella used to be a legal assistant at my firm," Peter chimed in as my mother's eyes flitted between Bella and Peter, her concern mirroring my own. A legal assistant? What the fuck happened to her poetry?

"Does Bella not speak?" Emmett asked rather rudely, though he was trying to be humorous. He was asking exactly what I was thinking. I gave him a small smile and speared some salad with my fork aggressively. "Nothing against you, Bella. You seem like a lovely woman, quiet the opposite of who we expected Peter to end up with for the rest of his life, but you haven't said two words since we sat down at the table over thirty minutes ago."

"Emmett," my mother chastised as Emmett held up his hands in frustration.

"If Rosalie was here tonight she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut. Bella is like the antithesis of every female I've ever met," Emmett replied as we both broke out into a laugh. He was right; his wife was a talkative thing and she never shut the hell up when you got her going, especially if the topic was something she was really vocal about.

"Perhaps you need to set Rosalie straight on a few things, Emmett," Peter said snidely, as Emmett narrowed his eyes on Peter and let out a low growl.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Bella can speak her mind if she wants to."

"Enough," Bella said simply as I watched while she gripped Peter's forearm tightly. "I can speak for myself just fine, Emmett. However, the questions your mother was asking I didn't have the answers to. Peter is heading up our move to Seattle, not me." Peter nodded at Bella and she gave him a small smile but I was fucking angry.

"Wow, what was that like… three sentences?" Emmett smiled at Bella, but she looked nervous around him. Perhaps she was wondering if Emmett knew about her and I, and she was waiting for the other shoe to drop – for Emmett to come out and drop her secret. Luckily for her, though Emmett knew of her, he had never seen a picture or painting of her.

"Emmett, you are being a rude asshole and it's getting tiring," Peter replied, trying to sound manly but instead sounding like a douche.

"You know what else is tiring? Your self-important attitude. You've only had it since the day you were hatched and it's getting boring as fuck. I can't understand how someone, anyone, can put up with your shit on a daily basis."

"That's rich coming from you, Em." As much as I was thrilled that Emmett was getting his frustrations with Peter off his chest, dinner was becoming a little more awkward than I could handle.

Especially when I had to watch Bella lean into Peter and whisper something to him that made him laugh and then ignore Emmett completely. I was unnerved at her behavior, so I unceremoniously pushed my chair back from the table and stood up.

"Excuse me for a moment," I said gruffly.

Okay, so I probably needed more than a moment, but I had to get the hell away from that table. I headed through the throngs of people in the busy restaurant as though I was on a mission, and the moment I stepped outside, I felt like I could finally breathe.

I turned the corner of the building and rested my back and head against the brick wall as I struggled to get my bearings. It had been far too long since I had seen Bella, but never in my wildest dreams did I think when I saw her again she would be so drastically different.

The first few times I dreamed of her I pictured her in my studio, naked and wanting. Those dreams turned quickly into vivid nightmares when I finally came to terms with the fact that she wasn't coming back. At first in each dream, I would be reaching out to Bella and she would disappear. These dreams gradually turned into images of her running away from me. There was never any talking on her part, just looks of sadness and determination before she disappeared completely from my mind. I hadn't dreamed of her in a while, but I could tell that wasn't going to last thanks to the resurgence of her in my life.

I fumbled as I reached into my pocket to pull out my cigarettes, my only vice these days, besides my newfound drinking habit, and dropped them onto the ground with a loud groan. As I bent down to get them, I noticed a shadow cross in front of me and looked up a bit to see a small tattoo, one I had painstakingly designed, on the right ankle of the woman in front of me. I tentatively stood up and came face to face with a remorseful looking Bella.

"I didn't know," she whispered under her breath as my eyes grew wide.

"You didn't know what? And he's not here you know, so you can actually speak your mind."

"I can speak my mind around Peter, too," Bella replied, but I could sense she was hesitant. The words coming from her mouth certainly didn't match her actions. Even standing on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant with me, her fingers awkwardly fiddled with the hem of her dress and her eyes darted around nervously. She obviously didn't want to get caught, and that thought concerned me, even though it shouldn't have. She was the one who left me. "He thinks I went to the bathroom, but I just wanted to reassure you that I had no idea that you and Peter were related, let alone that we would be meeting you for dinner tonight."

"He never mentioned his dipshit cousin Edward who had royally fucked up his life in the past few years?" I questioned, coldly.

"Peter had mentioned a cousin named Edward, but I figured it was a common name. Anyways, we lived in Chicago; I never once thought it could be you. This was all just a coincidence of the most awkward variety."

"So you moved to Chicago, huh?"

"Yeah, four years ago." That meant she spent at least a year somewhere, after she left me and before leaving for Chicago. Bella gave me a little information, but it only left me with more questions. "Believe me, if I had known, I wouldn't have come here tonight."

"Okay, I believe you," I replied coolly. Sure, my mother would be disappointed in me for how I was reacting to her, but Bella left me all those years ago and I would be damned if I would give her the satisfaction of rattling me.

"You don't need to be so cold, Edward."

"Does Peter know...?"

"Does he know of our past?" she finished for me, as she shook her head slowly. "Is it wrong of me to say you look good; more mature?"

"Yes, it's wrong. You can't just come in here, engaged to someone else... someone I fucking hate more than anyone or anything in this world, and tell me I look good. That's not how this shit happens."

"I'm at a loss for words and completely confused, Edward. I never, in a million years, thought I would see you again and when Peter mentioned moving here I tried to talk him out of it, I really did. He just doesn't listen to reason."

"Well, that must suck for you."

"You look older, but you certainly haven't grown up much. You don't have to act like a child."

"Fuck you," I replied angrily. "You've turned from the bright, vibrant woman I fell in love with to a fucking Stepford wife. You don't get to insult me, Bella. You left_ me_ for fucks sake; it wasn't the other way around."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's obvious I would have grown to dislike the person you turned into. We would have never made it." I knew it was a blatant lie, but she didn't need to know that. Plus, I had succeeded in hurting her, because she looked devastated at my words.

"Do you still paint?"

"No."

"Did I..."

"Did you ruin me? Would it make a difference if I said yes? If I said I stopped painting the day you left me in the lurch and turned my world upside down? What would it change, Bella?"

"Nothing," she said as she bent her head forward, seemingly upset. Five years ago I would have tilted her chin up and kissed her softly, telling her that everything would be just fine, but now... it was anything but. An unexpected meeting with my past had turned my entire universe on its axis.

"Right... it would change nothing. I don't paint anymore, so let's just leave it at that. Lord knows Peter wouldn't want to hear that you inspired my art for the longest time and were my muse... or that I had you before he did."

"I'm not going to tell him and I'm begging you not to either, please. We will head back to Chicago in a few days and I will do my best to stay away from you once we've moved here, I promise."

My heart lurched, even more so than it did when I first saw her at the table talking intimately with my cousin. "No more promises. You don't keep them very well."

"I'm trying here, Edward, but I have no idea what to do. Seeing you again is..." Bella paused and I noticed her eyes move around again before glancing at her watch. "It was unexpected, but not unwelcome."

With that, Bella walked quickly back into the restaurant, leaving me completely baffled. 'Not unwelcome'? What does that even mean? She's glad she saw me? Thrilled she had a chance to rip out my heart yet again since she's engaged to be married to the person I loathe the most in the entire world?

I heard the hard thud of the door as it closed behind her and I quickly lit a cigarette, my hand shaking the entire time I stood there smoking.

A couple walked out a few moments later, his arm around her shoulder possessively, as they giggled and smiled brightly, making their way past me towards one of the many shops in the pretentious neighborhood. I tossed my smoke to the ground and rubbed it out with my shoe before heading inside, my blood practically boiling.

When I got there, I didn't sit. Instead, I reached over and downed my latest drink before looking towards my mother sullenly, as I threw some random bills down on the table. "That's for my drinks. I'm sorry, but I can't stay."

"Edward, it's rude of you to up and leave like this," my mother exclaimed as I felt the eyes of everyone at the table on me. "We're celebrating."

"I have nothing to celebrate," I mumbled as Emmett grabbed my arm and looked at me fiercely, asking if I was all right. "I'm fine. I just need to go. I'm sorry mom... everyone."

I didn't look up at Bella or Peter as I made my way from our table and headed outside once again. In the few minutes since I had stepped into the restaurant, it had begun to rain gently outside, so I ran to my car and once inside, I felt a huge sense of relief wash over me. Being within 50 feet, let alone five feet, of Bella was killing me.

On my way back to my apartment, I stopped at the local liquor store and bought various bottles of Jack and Jim to keep me company, along with another pack of smokes. The moment I walked in the front door, I grabbed the Jack from the brown paper bag and quickly twisted the top off, taking a big swig of the burning amber liquid as I stalked down the hallway to my bedroom.

I knew exactly what I was looking for and I was clearly glutton for punishment as I pushed open the closet door with such force it came off its rails. Bloody stupid sliding doors. I took another pull from the bottle before setting it down on my dresser and then forcing apart all my clothes to see the huge canvas hidden in the back that I was looking for.

"You are a fucking idiot, Edward," I said aloud to myself as I paced nervously outside the door, contemplating whether or not to reach in and grasp my past even more fully than I had been forced to earlier in the evening.

With a few more drinks of liquid courage, and two smokes, I awkwardly pulled the canvas from behind my overloaded piles of shit and propped it up against the wall across from my bed. I sat down and just stared at it as I drank more and more of the bottle clutched precariously in my hand.

I could remember with clarity the exact moment I reached for the first glob of paint to start the unfinished work in front of me. Bella had been fast asleep on our settee in the loft, following what could only be described as the most mind blowing and emotional sex of my life. She looked beautiful, practically ethereal, with the light coming in from the windows around her as she slept peacefully.

It was at that moment, with my paint-covered brush in my hand that I knew I was in love with her. Hell, I had probably known it, albeit subconsciously, from the moment she took off her clothes in the loft when she came over to meet me. It was also at that moment that I knew that I would always be hopelessly and uncompromisingly in love with Isabella Swan.

On this evening, I had proved this fact to a tee. I tried not to let her get under my skin, but she did. I wanted to act cool and aloof and instead I came off like I was an emotional wreck. I was sure I would get a call from my mother the next day complaining about my abrupt departure, but I couldn't find it in me to care. There was just no way I could sit across from Bella any longer and pretend like I didn't know her and that she didn't own a huge part of my heart still.

Just as I finished off the bottle of Jack, and my fourth smoke, I heard the front door open and the hard footsteps of my brother, the only person with a key, come down the hall. "You better have a good excuse for bailing on all of us tonight. Mom is on the warpath and dinner was so fucking awkward after you left. Not that it wasn't already awkward, but you know what I mean," Emmett rambled as he peeked his head into my room and glanced nervously between me and the canvas.

"Are you... working?"

"No."

"Then what in the hell are you doing and why did you leave the dinner from hell?" He walked further into the room and stood beside my bed, glancing at the painting as he sucked in a deep breath. "Oh fuck."


	4. Kissing

**I love posting new chapters. It's like a new school year, when you are in kindergarten and life is easy. MaggieMay14 and smmiskimen keep me on my toes. Risbee and acinad816 encourage this madness. **

**I am planning to write for the Fandom Gives Back: Breaking Dawn that will occur in November. They are currently taking votes to decide between an auction and a compilation, and I for one would love to see an auction. Visit fandomgivesback (dot) com to vote.**

**I don't own Twilight; unless you mean a DVD copy. I got that. **

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><p>"<strong>I try to apply colors like words that shape poems, like notes that shape music." -Joan Miro<strong>

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**October 2006**

Things were awkward, to say the least, with Edward. Okay, so it was more because of me than it was him, but I felt so out of kilter when I was around him. I tried to brush it off and thought I just felt embarrassed from stripping in his loft and catching him off guard, but it was more than that. I could sense it.

With my bag over my shoulder and an unsettled stomach, I pressed the button for his loft and waited anxiously. Within seconds the thick steel door flew open and there stood Edward, paint splattered and completely adorable.

"You are on time," he breathed out slowly, clearly trying to catch his breath.

"I always like to be prompt," I replied, my stomach tumbling again as I followed him through the door and we took the service elevator up to his space. He leaned against the steel grate surrounding us and I couldn't help but notice his eyes surveying me. I felt uncomfortable. "Is everything alright?"

"Just fine," Edward said as he roughly pushed the old elevator door open and then we stepped into his loft. "I hope I didn't make you feel odd. I was just trying to decide how best to pose you for today's session and was trying to survey you."

"So, we are jumping right into it, huh?"

"Well...yeah. Is that okay?"

"Of course. That's why I'm here, after all."

I set my bag down on the couch and then I tensed. What the hell was I supposed to do next? I didn't want to stop and strip right where I stood because that hadn't exactly gone over well the last time I was here, but when I looked at Edward, he was just leaning against his kitchen island with a grin on his face.

"I've set up a changing area behind the screen over there for you," he explained as he pointed to a lovely Japanese style tri-fold screen on the far side of the room. "There's also a robe for you. Get undressed and put on the robe, then come back to me. I'm going to get everything ready to go."

I nodded slowly and followed his instructions to the tee. I needed the money and this would probably be the easiest money I would earn in a very long time. After all, it's not like it took a great deal of effort to sit still, right?

As I started to undress, I noticed a small chair with a silken robe sitting on top of it. Edward had done his work to try and make me feel comfortable, but once I was nude and reached for the robe, I noticed it was indecently short. I mean, one bend at the waist and he would see everything.

_Oh, for Christ's sake Bella, he's painting you in the nude. He's gonna see everything anyways._

I rolled my eyes at myself and tied the sash around the waist before stepping out from behind the screen. As I tugged on the hem of the robe, trying to make it seem longer than it was, I stopped and watched Edward for a moment as he moved seamlessly around the room setting up his materials. It really was a sight to behold; him in his element. He seemed confident and strong; like a man possessed.

A large canvas was set up to the left of the settee, which had been there last time I visited. There were bottles of paint, brushes and other miscellaneous things scattered on a table beside the canvas. I moved towards the table, curious to see his other tools, but Edward's voice made me stop dead in my tracks.

"Bella, can you get on the settee for me. I need to check the light." I nodded and quietly moved to sit, my knees pressed tightly together, as Edward moved around me. God, he even smelled good, but I couldn't think about that.

When I came home, rather late, from my initial meeting with Edward, Kate heard me come down the hallway and was quick to stick her head out the door. She repeatedly hassled and interrogated me about where I had been and when I told her I was busy prostituting myself to make the rent, she simply rolled her eyes, knowing me all too well. She knew that regardless of how desperate I was, I would never have sex for money. Posing nude was a different situation entirely though. Hell, she had even suggested it so I knew there was no way she could give me grief about it without coming across as hypocritical.

I was hesitant at first, but I told her that I went to meet with the artist and she seemed excited for me. Kate then began rambling on about how great it would be to have the money coming in, but then she went on a tangent about how hot troubled artist types were. I honestly didn't have the heart to tell her that there was no way this kid was old enough to drink and that he was adorable, not sexy and troubled.

I stand corrected though, because as I watched Edward set everything up, the muscles in his arms tight and his stance confident, he was definitely sexy. Really, fucking sexy. My traitorous body began to react and when it seemed like everything was all set up, Edward came towards me and bent at the knee to put his hands on my upper thighs. God, he was delicious.

"So, for today we're gonna take it slow...work up to the full nude," he said soothingly, trying to make me relax, which I appreciated more than anything.

"Whatever you need, you're the boss."

"Let's not think about it like that, okay? As far as I am concerned, you're Bella and I'm Edward and you are posing for me. No boss employee relationship going on here."

"Uh...sure," I answered hesitantly as Edward stood up and asked me to lie against the settee. I rested my elbow against the armrest and tucked my feet under me, like Edward had directed.

I felt his hands move my body slowly, positioning me as he wanted. His hands seemed to set fire to my already tense body and when he seemed to have me in just the right position, I felt his fingers shake nervously as he slid open the top of my robe, revealing just one breast to him. This was slow? I thought sarcastically.

If anything, it was slow and tortuous foreplay.

"Alright, you look stunning Bella. Let's get to this, shall we?" I gave him a gracious smile and let out a small breath, willing my body not to move as Edward set to work, his pencil moving deftly across the canvas as his eyes flitted back and forth between me and his work.

After five minutes of pure silence and tense sexual tension, though that might have been just on my part, Edward decided it was time we got to know one another better.

"So...where are you from, Bella?"

"Well, I live near campus, but if you are talking in the more literal sense, I am from a small town in northwest Washington called Forks. Ever heard of it?"

"Nope."

"Not surprising, no one has," I replied as Edward gave me a smooth smile and kept about doing his work.

"We have like 2,000 people, one high school and nothing of interest there."

"That can't be true, you came from there," he replied simply and I couldn't help but blush. "Wait...that blush is perfect. The coloring on your chest is beautiful." Suddenly, Edward was working like a madman, mixing colors to create a light pink hue that no doubt was supposed to match my blush.

"I usually blush when people complement me or flirt with me."

"I'll just have to keep doing it then."

"The complements or the flirting?"

"Both, either," Edward replied cryptically, with a slight smirk on his face, as he remained focused on whatever it was he was painting.

As if I needed something else to make Edward attractive to me, seeing him paint and being so focused in his element, was a huge turn on. "So...where are you from?"

"Chicago originally, but my family moved out here a few years ago and I decided to stay for college. UDub has a great art program."

"So I've heard."

"Oh really?" Edward asked as he stopped and quirked his eyebrow at me. I didn't really want to tell him that since our initial meeting I had Googled him and discovered he was quite the art prodigy.

"What do your parents do?" I asked, quickly changing the topic.

"My dad is a doctor and my mother sells real estate. What about yours?"

"My father runs the local saw mill and my mother...she's not with us anymore."

"I'm sorry," Edward muttered sincerely as I caught a look of sadness in his eyes.

"Oh, she's not dead...she left my dad a few years ago. She's remarried now and we don't spend much time together."

"Still it must be hard to have virtually no relationship with your mother, right?"

"Renee Coventry gets what she deserves. She cheated on my dad, they divorced and she left him heartbroken. I'm managing to get through life just fine without her."

"Yes, yes you are."

For the next little while, Edward alternated between sketching and painting. I noticed that he only picked up the paintbrush when he was happy with something that he had sketched and he seemed to have a different technique than I expected, but it seemed to suit him. We had continued to talk in brief about our lives – how I was an only child, and he had an older brother – while interspersing conversations about art and literature.

When Edward stopped briefly at one point and pulled off his shirt, I couldn't help but gasp and then blush. It wasn't that Edward was ripped and covered in sexy tattoos or anything, but it was the mere sight of this beautiful, creative man that was going to be my undoing. I rubbed my thighs together to try and relieve the tension and I saw Edward grimace from the corner of my eye.

"You moved."

"It's hard to stay still for an hour, you know."

"I know. You've done ridiculously well so far. I'm sorry I snapped."

"That was hardly a snap. If you had called me a fucking whore or something, then you would have snapped. You just pointed out a fact." I blushed again, this time at the thought of those two words – fucking whore – falling from Edward's lips as he took me for his own. God, I was getting morbid. Who the fuck wanted to be called a whore during sex? You, that's who, my subconscious yelled at me.

"I would never..."

"Yeah, I know you wouldn't, so don't worry about it," I replied coolly, trying to ease his anxiety. Edward nodded in response and went back to his work, clearly not bothered too much by my small movement.

As the sky outside began to grow dark, Edward stopped and stared out the window. "Fuck...rain."

"Do we need to stop?"

"Actually," he stated, his voice hesitant. "Would you be willing to stay for another hour or two and try a different pose?"

"Can we take a break for a little bit, maybe?" I replied quickly. If I was being honest with myself, I wanted to stay in his presence for as long as I could, but I really did need to have a pee break and stretch my aching body. "If we stop will it ruin what you've been working on this afternoon?"

"Not at all, I'm pretty sure we can get you into that position again next time. It's pretty straightforward." I nodded in reply as I began daydreaming of other positions I wouldn't mind young Edward putting me in. I shook my head briefly and when I looked up, Edward was staring at me in concern. "Everything good? You can move now if you want to."

"Oh...thanks," I replied as I moved slowly, trying to get my body to acclimate to the change, as Edward remained still, watching me intently. Once I was able to stand, I pulled the robe closed around me and I chanced a glance back at Edward. I couldn't help but notice that he was aroused and he wasn't the only one; fuck.

I walked slowly to the bathroom and once I had closed the door behind me, I rested my hands on the counter and looked into the mirror, wondering to myself what the hell I was doing. He was at least four years younger than me but I couldn't help my attraction to him. Edward was smart, creative, compassionate and friendly. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I didn't want him to walk into the bathroom and fuck me against his counter at that very moment. However, I didn't particularly want to act on my feelings. I was supposed to be keeping things professional between us; keeping him at an arms length, and I was failing miserably.

I finished up in the bathroom and gave myself a quick pep talk, reminding me that he was paying me for my modeling services and not to fuck me. When I walked out the door, Edward was on the phone and when he saw me he was quick to ask what I wanted on my pizza. He was too cute for words and I would do everything in my power to fight my attraction to him.

Forty minutes later we sat on the floor of his living room, after I had put some clothes back on, eating pizza and chatting casually when I decided that I had just had enough of wondering about him. "So, how old are you, anyways?" I blurted out as Edward laughed at me and gave me a little smile. He was truly adorable.

"Nineteen."

"Shit," I muttered quietly, but clearly I wasn't quite enough.

"Why?"

"No reason," I replied as I shoved my leftover crust in my mouth to silence myself. I couldn't exactly sit there and say I had thoughts of corrupting him, could I? Regardless of how my body felt around him, I couldn't run the risk of losing the job with him.

"You are very curious, Bella." Edward swept some hair off my shoulder and I shivered as his paint stained fingers brushed against my ear lobe.

"How so?"

"All day you've seemed like you are somewhere else, yet you are focused on the task at hand. I wish I could read minds, and figure out what is going through yours." No, no you don't, Edward, I thought to myself. "I bet things are very interesting in there huh?"

I nodded my head slowly, my blush coloring my cheeks again, as Edward reached his arm across me, brushing against my chest, as he reached for my plate. "Are you done?"

"So fucking done," I answered as I took a final sip of my drink and Edward stood and began to clean up from our dinner.

"While I'm cleaning up, why don't you go freshen up and then sit back on the settee? It's just after seven thirty now, so we can fit in a few more hours, unless you need to go home?"

"Nope...don't need to go home. No one is expecting me at home," I spit out stupidly as Edward smiled bashfully and then turned his back to continue cleaning up. I stepped into the bathroom and quickly gathered my wits before heading back behind the screen and stripping.

"Edward," I called out as I stuck my head out of the side of the screen, shielding my body.

"Yeah?"

"Do you need me nude or in the robe?"

"Robe."

I let out a small groan of frustration and slipped the robe back on, tying the sash rather loosely. Sure, there was no way I was going to act on how Edward made me feel, but there was no reason I couldn't flirt a bit, right? It would certainly give me some material to think about when I was home alone and needed a release, and hell would I definitely need a release when I got home tonight.

I walked out from around the screen and sat back down on the settee, waiting nervously. When Edward was done, he came back to where I was sitting and began to turn on some lights above me. "You could get a little hot from the lights, but let me know, alright?"

"Sure thing," I replied with a grin. "Do you know how you want me yet?" Edward let out a small cough before nodding his head.

"Can you sit with your legs apart, robe off your shoulders and elbows on your knees?" I need as he requested as he took a step back and looked at me intently. "Legs wider apart and prop your head up on your hands, kinda like you are sad and thinking."

I followed through and I noticed Edward move around me again and reposition the lights. "Would you mind if I took a quick picture with my camera? Then if you aren't here I can work anyways?"

"Awww…you don't want me here?" I asked with a laugh as I felt Edward's hand at my lower back, pulling the robe down further. I shivered again as I felt Edward's breath against my ear.

"Are you comfortable?"

"Very," I replied huskily as he moved around me once more, to stand directly in front of me. He reached his hands under the back of my hair, pulling my hair down to rest along my back and not drape over my breasts. I couldn't help but notice that I was eye level with what was clearly a straining erection in his jeans.

In my mind, I was filled with flashes of me throwing caution to the wind as I undid his pants and sucked, what would no doubt be a nice fucking cock based on the appearance of his hard on, into my mouth. I pictured myself bobbing up and down on his shaft, teasing and tasting him as his fingers worked their way through my hair, pushing me further onto his length.

I let out a deep moan and when I looked up, Edward was still there, his hands in my hair. "What on earth are you thinking about, Bella?" he asked, his voice quiet yet firm. God, I desperately wanted to follow through with my fantasy, but instead I softly shrugged my shoulders and shivered once more as Edward's fingers moved slowly down my bare arm. "I don't believe you."

I remained silent as Edward moved away and left me panting and wanting. I stayed motionless as Edward took a few quick pictures of me and then moved to grab a new canvas to start his work.

"Are you single, Bella?" Edward asked, surprising the hell out of me.

"Yeah. If I wasn't do you think my boyfriend would let me pose nude?"

"I suppose not."

"Why did you agree...to pose nude, that is?"

"Well, first of all I haven't been completely nude yet," I mused as Edward gave a small laugh. "And secondly, I need the money. I'm really close to losing my apartment and I refuse to take money from my mother, yet again."

"Okay."

"That's all I get is an okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, you've been a great model today and I've enjoyed spending time with you, getting to know you. I don't really care what brought you here, I'm just glad you are, you know?"

"I know." I smiled sweetly at Edward and he went back to working away, asking me the most random questions about growing up in Forks, and what my favorite movies and bands were.

It was all very casual and easy until he moved away from the canvas and came towards me, bending at the knees in front of me. "I need to move your sash."

"Alright," I squeaked, somewhat unsettled because I knew that the sash for the robe was currently draped between my legs. This would either end badly or... I didn't even want to think of the possibilities.

I watched, taking a nervous gulp, as Edward moved his hand between my legs and reached for the sash to move it to the side. Unfortunately, or fortunately if you were me, his finger slipped between my wet pussy lips before finding their true goal.

Edward froze. His eyes, clouded with both lust and anxiety, as he stared me down. "I am so sorry, Bella," he stammered as he rose from his spot and headed directly into the bathroom, closing the door with a slam behind him.

"Fuck," I groaned as I sat there, my body trembling with apprehension.

It wasn't his fault that my body was having such an intense reaction to his presence and with every conversation, look at me or move of his body, I became even more turned on by Edward. I thought I was doing good at hiding my arousal, but I couldn't hide as he touched me. God, how I wanted him to touch me more. To feel his rough fingers inside me, fucking me into oblivion and rubbing against my hard clit and making me see stars.

But no, I had scared him away.

I stood up and tentatively made my way to the bathroom, pulling the robe back onto my shoulders and closing the sash, as I went. I raised my hand up and went to knock when I heard him curse rather loudly. What in the hell was going on with him?

Without a second thought, I opened the door and found Edward sitting on the edge of his bathtub with his cock in his hand, stroking himself furiously. His eyes were clenched shut and I was literally mesmerized. Not just by the action itself, but by the look of sheer pain on his face. It didn't help matters that his cock was nothing short of beautiful. Thick, long and so fucking tempting; I could feel my insides clench as I threw caution to the wind and moved forward, my footfalls clearly catching Edward off guard.

"Oh fuck..." Edward groaned as I stilled his wrist.

"Let me help," I purred, at least I prayed it sounded like a seductive purr, as I dropped the robe to the floor and stood bare before him before dropping to my knees before him.

Edward's eyes grew wide in shock and apprehension as I pulled his hand from his cock. I didn't hesitate as I wrapped my own hand around the base, stroking him firmly and began to suck him into my mouth.

I felt so in control as Edward groaned above me while I wrapped my tongue around his shaft, taking him as far into my mouth as my gag reflex would allow. I lathed and licked at every sweet inch of him, tasting and loving him like it was the only time we would be together, since it was a distinct possibility. I tried to push the worrisome thoughts from my mind, knowing that I was risking they money I desperately needed to earn, but Edward was worth the risk.

My hands dropped between his legs to cup his balls and the moment they did, Edward groaned loudly and tensed. Before I had a chance to suck him back into my mouth, he had pulled himself from my mouth and was coming all over my tits.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." he forced out through clenched teeth as he covered a hand over his eyes, remorse clearly setting in. "We shouldn't have done that."


	5. Excavation

**Happy Sunday! MaggieMay14 and smmiskimen keep me on my toes. Risbee and acinad816 encourage this madness. For those interested, the chapter title is always a painting by the author I quote at the beginning of the chapter, and usually the artwork depicts part of, or all of, the chapter in my mind. People were confused last chapter by 'Kissing' by Joan Miro, since there was no kissing. If the art interests you, Google it. Each piece is chosen with purpose.  
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**I am planning to write for the Fandom Gives Back: Breaking Dawn that will occur in November. They are currently taking votes to decide between an auction and a compilation, and I for one would love to see an auction. Visit thefandomgivesback (dot) com to vote.**

**I don't own Twilight; unless you mean a the book. I got that. **

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><p>"<strong>Art never seems to make me peaceful or pure." – William de Kooning<strong>

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**Present Day - August 2011  
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Emmett stayed the night, not that I wanted him too, but he refused to leave me in the condition I was in. In hindsight, I didn't blame him. I would do the exact same thing for him if the situation presented itself. It wouldn't though. Emmett had a good head on his shoulders and I was the emotional train wreck.

"So...Bella, huh?" he asked the night before, as he sat beside me and stared at the painting before us. Yeah, it was that obvious. From the pale color of her skin, to the luscious brown of her hair and the small freckle on her shoulder blade; it was clear as day that this was _my_ Bella.

"Bella," I repeated slowly, my voice slurring a little bit as he put his hand on my shoulder, a clear offering of support.

"She's the one...the girl who broke you?"

"I wouldn't say she broke me, but yeah, that's her."

"And you didn't say anything about it tonight?" he asked, confused. "I mean you acted like you didn't even know her." He was right. I practically ignored the woman, but then again, she did the same to me until she found me outside taking a much needed break from the fucked up situation inside the restaurant. I couldn't continue sitting there with fake smile plastered on my face as my mom peppered them with questions about relocating and weddings, while my aunt pressured them about grandchildren. It was too much.

"That's because I don't know her," I snapped bitterly. "That woman sitting with Peter was not the one I knew five years ago." I had no idea what had happened to make Bella act so drastically different, but I wasn't sure I wanted to find out either.

It had been years since we had last seen each other, we obviously didn't end things on a good note, and I didn't think that any of her possible reasons for what happened would change how I felt. She used to be vibrant, exciting and up for anything. Bella was confident in her body and herself, but at dinner it was like I was seeing the polar opposite of the woman I had loved and I despised every minute of it.

"Okay, now I'm fucking confused. You know Bella, but not that Bella?"

"Yup."

"I'm gonna need a little more than a one word answer if you expect me to help you with this shit, E." Emmett was trying his best to maintain some sense of calm, but I could tell I was frustrating the fuck out of him. He was no longer used to my emotional breakdowns, which were basically a daily occurrence after Bella disappeared. I still couldn't fathom how Emmett put up with me back then; I wouldn't have been able to be as strong as he was.

However, regardless of how he felt or what he needed from me, I was the one who was shattered and confused. I needed time to think everything through before I talked to Emmett. After all, he was the one who kept me from going over the deep end all those years ago when she left, so he deserved some sort of explanation, didn't he?

"Tomorrow," I mumbled as I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, letting the booze work its way through my system to numb the pain I felt.

Emmett decided that the explanation could wait and he left Advil and water on my bedside table before he wandered into the living room to fall asleep on my couch.

The next morning when I woke up, I found Emmett in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee as he spoke to his wife, Rosalie, on the phone. I took a step forward, planning to interrupt him, but I was frozen. Though I knew it was wrong, I couldn't bring myself to stop from eavesdropping on their conversation.

"I know, Rose...yeah, I know. Listen, he needs me and I need to stay here for him." Emmett paused and reached for a mug from the cupboard, with his phone perched precariously between his shoulder and ear. No doubt he was listening to Rosalie explain something on the other end of the phone since his break was so long. I wished I could have heard what she was saying, but I felt bad enough hearing what I did. "I think she was the one who...yeah, the one who fucked him up. I couldn't exactly make sense of everything from his drunken ramblings last night, but when I got here he was staring at a painting of her...yeah, I'm pretty sure it was her. Regardless of what Edward wants, I'm going to do my best to help him. I can't let her fuck with him again."

I let out a small sigh and made my way to bathroom, deciding that I had heard enough of my brother's well intentioned ramblings. I knew he was right and that I couldn't let Bella affect me the way she once had, but I wasn't sure if I was capable of staying away from her, though I would try my best. I couldn't revert back to the person who I was when she left. It would destroy everything I had worked so hard to rebuild.

Once I came out of the bathroom, I found Emmett perched on my at my dining room table with my laptop while reading news online. He looked up and noticed me briefly before turning back to the screen and taking a sip from his mug. "I made some coffee."

"Okay," I mumbled, as my head pounded like a gong from my hangover, and I moved around the kitchen to fix myself a mug. I knew I shouldn't have drank so much the night before, but it was too late to do anything about that. I sat on the couch and stared out the window, trying to ignore the millions of thoughts overwhelming my mind, as I felt the cushions of the couch depress beside me.

"We need to talk about it. I hope you're ready."

"No, not really," I replied sullenly as I heard Emmett groan in annoyance.

Emmett really should have gone into psychology instead of architecture, especially after spending so much time knocking sense into my depressed ass as those years ago. Sure, I wasn't really thriving in my life, but I was surviving, which is a big step up from how I was doing when Bella left years earlier. He had been my rock, my only support system, and really pulled me back together. I sensed the fear in his voice that the reappearance of Bella would lead to my downfall again. I wished I could have reassured him that she wouldn't break me, but I couldn't.

"Try."

"What do you want to know?" I replied as I watched Emmett shrug his shoulders.

"Whatever you think you can tell me."

"Yes...it's her, alright? I know you are dying to know, right?"

"Well, thanks for pointing out the obvious. I could tell by the painting in your room that they were one in the same, E. However, I must say she looks better without clothes on." I bristled at Emmett's comment and I could tell he was trying to get some sort of emotional reaction from me, so I paused and tried to gather my wits. I wasn't ready to deal with everything. We were going to have to tackle this mess one day at a time.

"Don't. If you want me to talk to you, you need to not be an asshole."

"Fine, just tell me what the hell is going on in your head right now."

"She's not the same girl, Em. My Bella was full of life. She would question everything, tell stories about her life in vivid detail and she also lived for the moment," I stilled, my finger stirring the hot liquid in my cup for a brief moment before I continued. "Last night...that girl...she's Bella, but she's not. It's hard to explain when I have no idea what is going on with her. The Bella I knew would never let a man answer for her and she'd never be so quiet and complacent. I don't know if she changed herself or if Peter changed her, but the girl I am so much in love with is not _that_ girl."

"Did you notice that you said 'am' and not 'was'?" Emmett questioned, as he shot me a curious glance.

"It will always be 'am', Emmett. I'm always going to be in love with her." Even though the thought bothered me to say it, I knew it was true; she was my soul mate.

"Is that why you haven't truly dated anyone since she left? You figure, why bother, since you are still desperately in love with a woman who doesn't seem to exist anymore?" I bristled as I looked at my brother, who had a smug grin on his face.

Rosalie had tried on numerous occasions to hook me up with friends of hers on blind dates and nothing ever came of them. A lot of the girls were pretty, interesting and were able to hold a conversation, but it just wasn't the same. I wasn't interested in a meaningless relationship. Then, when Emmett suggested I at least try to get laid, I almost broke. I didn't want any sort of relationship unless it was with Bella, at least that was how I felt in the early days after her departure.

I tried, I really did, and I even dated Rosalie's friend Emily for a few months, but she got frustrated with my erratic and confusing behavior and said we would be best as friends. I never heard from her after that, so clearly she wasn't serious about the friend thing. By this point, I had gotten turned off the prospect of dating someone seriously, though I did manage to have a few drunken one night stands. I was full of self-loathing on those days and just desperately wanted to feel something – anything.

"Does it really matter now? Why I haven't dated in the past isn't overly relevant to the fact that Bella is back in my life now and I have no fucking idea what to do about it all."

"That's just it...she's not really back in _your _life. She's in Peter's," Emmett replied unsympathetically, making my heart clench with the reality of his words. He was right; though Bella was here, she wasn't mine and she wouldn't ever be. Then again, did I really want the woman that she had become, the Stepford Wife, or did I want _my_ Bella from all those years ago? "You talked to her at the restaurant didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"I could sense something was up. So...what happened? Did she tell you why she left?"

"No. Our talk was pretty short. She begged me not to tell Peter about our past together," I replied through clenched teeth, as I looked across the room and eyed the liquor cabinet; wishing I could have a drink at that exact moment.

"That's kinda cold."

"Well, it's not like I would tell him anyways. Though, I would have loved to have had the satisfaction of telling him that I had fucked his woman first," I replied with a small grin on my face. It was bittersweet to know that I finally had some information of consequence to wield over my cousin, but that I couldn't use it to get any sort of revenge on him. He was still the winner in this situation; if there truly could be one.

"Okay, it would be pretty sweet to see the look on his face if you told him that Bella used to be your girlfriend. If that ever happens, make sure I'm there, alright? The smug asshole deserves it."

"Bella also said that seeing me again was 'unexpected, but not unwelcome'," I explained, using air quotes which made me feel like a douche.

"Fuck," Emmett groaned as he sat back against the couch and a deep frown came on his face. "I don't want her to fuck everything up. If you go back to how you were all those years ago, to the kid I literally had to beat some sense into after she left you, I'm not sure I could do it. I think it's best if you stayed away from her."

"It's not like I'm on a mission to find her, Em," I replied with a deep sigh. "I'm going to try my best to avoid all situations where we could get put together. It's not like I would help Mom with their move or anything, but I can do my best to avoid all the family dinners where Peter and Bella are invited."

"Should we give Mom and Dad a heads up?" I shook my head vehemently. "Yeah, they are on a need to know basis and this is something that they don't need to know. Though, you should be aware when you spend time with Mom cause she has a sixth sense or something. She always knows when something is up with us."

"I know...she'll read my face and sense something is wrong, but I can't bear to disappoint her again."

I sat back with Emmett as we both stared off in front of us. I patted his leg and gave him a quick thanks, which resulted in a noogie from my playful, older brother. It was a side of him I rarely got to see much of anymore, and I knew he had to grow up because I forced him to. I couldn't deal with disappointing my parents anymore, so Emmett picked up the slack and brought me back to reality when she left. Regardless of everything, he was the voice of reason and it was really because of him that I was still here; surviving.

The next few days flew by with a flurry of work, but when I got home each night, I found myself gravitating towards the painting of Bella that was still propped up in my room.

I would go through the motions of eating dinner, doing dishes and sometimes even watching mindless TV, but before I knew it, I was sitting on the edge of my bed again, staring at the painting and reminiscing about the past.

About _my_ Bella.

I'd think about the heartbreak I felt when she left my old loft after I came on her chest during our first session. The conversation we had two days later that resulted in our first kiss and then the most intense and physical relationship of my life.

I couldn't help myself from falling in love with her. It was like we were two magnets, drawn together inexplicably and always aware of the other. As I fell back against my bed with a thud, images of us together ran through my mind as I realized that even though it damaged me, right down to my bones, when she left, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I couldn't regret loving her.

Even in my darkest days, when things seemed to be the bleakest, I had no regrets. Loving Bella inspired me and brought me such ecstasy and hope in our few short months together. If I had known then how things would unfold, I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I was destined to love her.

It was right at that moment that my cell phone on my nightstand buzzed and I reached for it with a groan, surprised to see a text message from an unknown caller. Who the hell would text me?

_I stole your number from your mother. I'd like to see you. - Bella_

How the hell did she steal it from my mom? God, I hoped my mother didn't give it to her. That would raise way too much suspicion and I would be cornered into telling my mother how I knew Bella and what had happened between us. That was the last thing I wanted.

My mother only saw small glimpses of me in my bad days, since Emmett took it upon himself to have us get together with them when I was doing well. On my worst days though, Esme would have been ashamed and disappointed in me. Though she knew things hadn't been good then, she didn't know the full extent of my downfall and subsequent stupidity.

I stood up and paced around the room, unsure of what to do. I was tempted to call Emmett, but I knew he and Rosalie were out on a date for the evening. They were trying to conceive and felt under pressure and stress with each false pregnancy test and seemingly useless doctor's appointment. Emmett thought he would try to put a little romance back into the lives and he took her for a night out on the town. There was no way I was going to interrupt that.

_I don't think that's a good idea, _I replied with a small smile playing at my lips. I could do this; I could separate myself from her and move forward without the support of my brother. At least I could try.

_Peter leaves for Chicago in the morning. Please, I really need to see you._

Fuck.

I went into the living room and fixed myself a shot of whiskey before dragging the glass and the bottle into my bedroom with me. I stared at the painting for over half an hour, contemplating each possible move I could make in this situation, when my cell buzzed again.

_I'll bring you coffee tomorrow at 3pm at Olympic Sculpture Park. I just need 10 minutes._

I poured another shot and then another, finally deciding to just drink straight from the bottle. Why did she have to pick _that_ park? I hadn't even been back to the park or SAM since she left me. How in the hell could this woman affect me so much? Why couldn't I just ignore her messages and her existence? _Because she was your life at one point_, I told myself as I let out a deep yell of frustration.

She had Peter now. She didn't need me, and I had been doing my damndest not to need her until she reappeared in my life a few days ago. I ran through questions in my mind about her desperation to see me and came up with my reply.

_Why?_

_I just need to explain._

I took a final swig from the bottle and closed it up, placing it on my dresser before I stripped and climbed into bed. I sent a quick reply telling her I would be there and instantly regretted it.

I shouldn't have done that.


	6. Embrace

**My daughter was sick for 3 days this week, so I stayed home with her. Needless to say, I wrote a lot. I got 3 extra chapters written and my timeline plan for this story shifted a little. I doubt you guys will shoot me if I post a few extra chapters, right?**

**Smmiskimen beta'd this. She's badass. Maggiemay14 is on a brief hiatus since RL is kicking her ass. Risbee & Acinad_816 are sweethearts and encourage this madness.**

**I don't own Twilight. I don't know that I will own the BD soundtrack either. I mean come on... Bruno Mars? What's next Mariah Carey on BD2?**

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><p><strong>"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see." - Paul Klee<strong>

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**October 2006**

_We shouldn't have done that. _

Those words haunted me for the next twenty-four hours. Regardless of how Edward reacted, I couldn't help but feel like I had seriously fucked up. He was a sweet and caring kid who just wanted to paint and I couldn't help but feel like I was corrupting him. Fuck, I was going straight to hell.

After cleaning myself up at Edward's with a towel from his kitchen, I dressed quickly and ran from his loft, not particularly caring what was going through his mind as I left. He hadn't moved from the bathroom by the time I had made my way to the front door. I hesitated for a brief moment before pushing my way out the door and onto the service elevator.

I didn't break down and feel like an utter fool until I got back to my apartment. It was just before midnight when I collapsed onto my bed, pulling a pillow to my chest and crying like a pathetic little girl.

What the hell had I just done? Sure, I didn't know Edward that well, but I thought for sure there was some palpable sexual tension going on between the two of us. Apparently, I had been _very_ wrong. I couldn't fight my attraction to this kid long enough to get through a few weeks and earn the money I needed for my rent? I was already living hand to mouth and I had to go and fuck up the one thing that could have made a difference? I was a bloody idiot.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a raging headache and my eyes actually hurt. That was how bad I had cried the night before. I figure I had managed a total of two hours sleep, but that was beside the point. I had class in three hours and an overwhelming urge to throw myself off a cliff for not thinking things through. When the hell had following a whim ever worked well for me? Never, that's when. Yeah, I could be impetuous, but I never said that was a good thing.

I showered quickly, dressing without care, and before I went to leave I shoved a granola bar in my backpack for later. It would have to be enough. Just as I grabbed the doorknob to leave my safe haven, I saw an envelope on the ground and tensed before reaching down to pick it up.

All that was scrawled on the front were the words 'I'm Sorry' and inside was a wad of cash. Like, a hell of a lot of cash. I was frozen. Why the hell had Edward done this? It wasn't like I actually deserved the money and I had basically ruined whatever friendship we had been building between us. I tossed the money on the counter and locked the door behind me, trying not to let the failures of my life, of which there were many, be the focus of my day.

I had class to get through.

Except, I didn't really get through class. I didn't pay attention to what my professors said and by the end of the day I hadn't written a single note from any of my classes. This was so very bad.

"You look rough," Kate said succinctly as I fetched my mail from the box in the main lobby as she walked in the door.

"Hello to you too, bitch."

"Well, if it isn't the Welcome Wagon. What crawled up your ass and died?" she questioned as we walked up the stairs to our floor together. "Oh wait; didn't you have your first session with the hot artist yesterday?"

"You could say that."

"I didn't go well?"

"Understatement of the century."

"He wasn't a pervert was he? If so, give me his address and I will go rip off his nuts and feed them to him for dinner. You know I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty...or bloody," Kate stated firmly as she stood behind me while I opened my door. Without me asking, she followed me in and waited as I went into my room to change. "Uh...Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you have a thousand dollars in cash on your counter?" I bolted out my bedroom half dressed and looked at Kate in shock.

"What?"

"I said, why do you have a thousand dollars in cash? I counted it. There's a bunch of hundreds and fifties here that total one grand. What did you do?"

"I did nothing," I lied as I pulled my shirt down over my bra and scrubbed at my face with my hand. I couldn't believe that for the few hours I was with Edward the day before he had given me a thousand dollars. This was so much more than I expected – or deserved. I blushed a deep shade of red as Kate looked at me with her eyes wide, knowing that something was up. She always knew.

"Liar."

"Whore."

"Yes, we know this already," she replied with a smile. "Now...tell me, what did you do to or with the artist man to get a grand? And where do I sign up?"

"I modeled for him and..." I paused briefly, unsure if I should continue, but she was my best friend. It would come out at some point, so why not sooner rather than later? "I may have given him a blowjob," I replied as I buried my face in my hands. I couldn't believe I had admitted that. As if I didn't feel horrible enough, Edward gave me a thousand dollars for doing basically nothing.

"Holy fuck...a thousand dollar blowjob? I didn't know you were that good."

"I'm not, at least I didn't think I was, but he's 19 and probably a virgin, so..." Oh my god, I was going to hell. Kate stared at me with her mouth wide open before she darted out the door and came back a moment later with a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses.

"Start talking."

Over the next few hours, Kate and I took some shots from the bottle as I told her about Edward and what had gone down in his loft and how I was inexplicably attracted to him. Through tears, hers of laughter and mine of sadness and regret, we talked about my concerns and hers.

"Yeah, I get how you could think that the money he had left you was for the blowjob, but it also could be because you sat for him for several hours and he worked on two paintings."

"Two still unfinished paintings."

"Does that mean you are going to go back…to finish the paintings?"

"And further humiliate myself? No thanks," I sighed as I took a swig right from her bottle of Patron, not even bothering with the salt, lemon or shot glass. "I'll use the money he gave me to cover rent and I'll start looking for a new job right away."

"What if he wants you to come back?" I quirked my eye at Kate and she handed me my buzzing cell phone from behind her. Being her ever nosy self, Kate stared at the screen as a mischievous grin crossed her face. "He messaged you."

_Can I see you tonight?_

"See...he wants to see you. I think you should go. Are you gonna go?" Kate rambled quickly as I groaned and buried my head in the pillows of my couch. Did I want to see him? A little bit. Did I think it would be awkward as all hell? Most definitely.

"No. I'm not gonna go."

"If your truck refused to work...again, I can have Garrett drive you, if you do want to go."

"No." I typed out a quick _I can't_ to Edward as Kate scowled at me, clearly disappointed.

"Did you ever think that maybe he's sitting back in his little artsy fartsy loft and thinking that he really fucked up your friendship? That maybe he feels worse than you do because, last time I checked, he was the kid that splooged all over your chest and couldn't even bother to say 'thanks for the header'?"

"I feel like I took advantage of him."

"Maybe he wants to be taken advantage of? Did you ever think of that? He obviously found you attractive; you gave the kid wood for Christ's sake."

"Stop calling him a kid," I shouted in frustration as Kate held up her hands in defeat.

"Just try and think of it from his perspective. He's trying to remain professional, but a hot chick is taking her gear off in front of him and then he fingers her by accident? Of course he had to go beat off. I'm shocked he didn't cum the moment your mouth found his cock."

"Kate..." I growled.

"How was it anyways? His cock I mean. Was it at least nice?"

"Okay, this is where the evening ends. Garrett should be home by now, go keep him company," I said as I stood up unsteadily and yanked Kate up from the couch, using all my weight to keep us both upright. "Thanks for the Patron and for patronizing me."

"I wasn't patronizing you, Bella. I'm just trying to get you to see both points of view."

"Yeah...thanks," I replied sarcastically as Kate opened the door and stumbled out to find Garrett with his fist raised, as if to knock on my door.

"I was looking for you."

"Well here I am," Kate replied with a hint of a slur as she looked at me and grimaced.

"Everything alright?"

"Yep, just fine," I said sullenly as Kate opened her mouth as if to say something, but my words silenced her. "Make sure to get some Advil or something into her. See you guys later." I shut the door and locked it firmly before moving to the couch and reaching for my phone. I wasn't shocked to see Edward had already replied.

_I just need to explain._

_Tomorrow._

Okay, so I really didn't want to see him just yet, but I couldn't postpone the inevitable. I would give him back his money and tell him that I was done. I couldn't take advantage of him, it wasn't who I was. I didn't take advantage of people like I had him. I grabbed my phone and lifted my tired body off the couch, as I headed to the bathroom to fetch my own medicine and water.

As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering what the hell I was going to do next, my cell buzzed again with another message from Edward.

_Can you meet at 3pm at my place?_

_Make it 4? I have a class._

He sent a short 'ok' in reply and I tossed my phone onto the dresser before I let sleep claim me. Unfortunately, I slept restlessly and was plagued by nightmares of Edward morphing from his simple, creative self into a cold hearted figment of himself in a three piece suit who wouldn't even look at me and when he did, it was with complete disgust. It was disconcerting and when I woke, I wanted nothing more than to erase the past forty eight hours from my life.

If only it was that easy.

When I arrived at Edward's the next day, it took him a few minutes to answer the door. He didn't come down and help me with the elevator like usual, instead choosing to simply buzz me in so I could do make it up to his loft by myself. I would be lying if I said this didn't bother me. Even though I knew the way to his loft like the back of my hand, I had liked the additional attention from Edward.

"Hello?" I called, when I walked into the loft and noticed that Edward was nowhere to be found. I couldn't help but notice that the space looked downright depressing without him in it. There were no lights on; only the light streaming in from the windows to illuminate the room. "Anybody home?"

"I'll be right there," I heard his faltering voice call from down the hall where the bathroom was located. I put my bag down on the sofa, keeping it nearby incase I had to make a quick getaway from sheer embarrassment, and made my way over to where the two paintings from the other night still rested on their easels. It was clear that neither had been touched since I left and I wasn't sure if this was a good or a bad thing. "I'm sorry I was umm...unavailable."

Edward walked into the room and I immediately noticed how different he looked; less like a boy and more like a man. His posture was resigned and even though his head was hung low, I could see the darkness under his eyes. I would wager a guess that over the past two days he had probably slept worse than I had.

"Why don't you sit down?" I nodded at his request and moved to the couch, clutching my bag to me for support. "Did you get...?"

"The money? Yeah, I got it," I replied tensely and a little frustrated that _that_ was his first concern. No, how are you today? No, sorry I jerked off on your tits and froze up; I hope you can forgive me. Anything would have been a better starting point than making sure I received the money.

"Good," he said with a sigh of relief. "I wasn't even 100% sure that was your apartment, but I did some digging around and I'm glad to know that you got it."

"Yeah, I got it," I replied, my voice tense as I bit down forcefully on my bottom lip. "But, I'm giving it back." I dug around inside my bag and pulled out the envelope, thrusting it into his hands as he looked at me with pure confusion written on his face.

"No don't...please. You deserve the money, Bella."

"I don't."

"You do. You sat for me for hours remaining perfectly still, which is a feat for most people. You were an excellent model."

"Regardless, I overstepped the lines of our professional relationship." Fuck, I sounded like some lawyer or some shit. "Even though we had agreed to try and keep things friendly, I fucked them up. I never should have..."

"And if I wanted you to?" he asked timidly.

"What?" I remarked loudly as I turned my head, practically giving myself whiplash, so that I could see Edward's face. Was he saying what I thought he was? Surely I didn't hear him right? "Can you repeat that?"

"You would have had to be blind to not see the reaction I had to you, Bella. I'm just sorry things unfolded the way they did. I was a little um...caught off guard when you...umm...discovered me in the bathroom." Edward blushed briefly before shoving his fingers through his hair roughly, pulling it at all angles to make it look even more awkward. From the look of his hair, you could tell he had been doing the same motion for days now. It was also obvious that he was just as conflicted as I was. "I couldn't stop myself. It was either I took matters in my own hands or I'd..."

"Or you'd what?" I asked quietly, curious, as I edged closer to him on the couch.

Edward bent his head closer to mine, his lips practically kissing the shell of my ear as he whispered quietly to me. "Or I would have fucked you." I shivered.

I turned my head slowly and sucked in a deep breath before licking my lips and brushing them gently against his. Almost instantly, our bodies relaxed as we moved closer to one another, my hand reaching up the nape of his neck to thread through his hair as his hands found purchase against my lower back, our kiss deepening.

It was hesitant at first, tentative pecks and soft kisses, but it quickly turned passionate as I found myself straddling his lap and sucking on his tongue as our lips moved sinuously together. When we finally separated, both of us looked...relieved.

"That was..." Edward paused briefly as I brushed my finger over his lips and then kissed him sweetly. "Perfect."

"What do we do now?" I replied, eager to know what he thought about what had just transpired and how it would affect us in the long run. Did he want me to keep modeling for him? Could we separate a personal relationship from a working one?

"I want you to continue modeling for me and I want you to keep the money. You need it more than me, and you certainly deserved it for your work the other day. Perhaps you can model a bit more for me today?"

"Okay. I'll keep it and yes, I'd like to keep modeling more for you."

"Well that's a relief. I would have hated to find a new model when I have perfection before me. Now, the question of the hour is...what do you want, Bella?"

I took a moment to think of his question, because this would be a make it or break it moment. What did I truly want? I thought for another moment, daydreaming of Edward fucking me on the settee, in his bed and against his bathroom counter, before we cuddled and made love on the couch. I turned to face him and gave the most sincere answer I could think of.

"Everything. I want everything."

Thirty minutes later I found myself wrapped in the smooth silk robe, sitting on the settee in my first position from the other day with only my one breast exposed. Both of us were grinning like idiots, but trying to show some sort of decorum. We were supposed to be in artist and model mode, but all I could think of was about how Edward had asked me on a date earlier. The mere thought of actually dating was daunting to me, but I was trying to get past my anxiety. I knew he would be worth it.

"So...what did you think the first time I was sitting here for you?" I asked, changing topics completely. Immediately Edward blushed and a small smile crossed my face.

"Truth?"

"Always."

"Well I had posed you so you weren't fully exposed, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about just how much I wanted to suck your nipple into my mouth." I gasped slowly at his boldness, but Edward just winked at me and went back to mixing a brownish red mixture on his palette, no doubt for my hair. "Well you asked for the truth."

"I want you to always be honest with me."

"I will," Edward replied seriously as he turned back to focus on his canvas.

"What did you think when you...you know?"

"No, I don't know."

"When you touched my pussy."

"I had a million thoughts running through my mind, but the first thing I wondered was how on earth could this stunning creature be attracted to me. I began to think that you had been daydreaming about something else, someone else, and not me."

"Oh believe me, all day I had been thinking about you."

"Really?"

"When I went to the bathroom during our break, I daydreamed about you taking me against your counter."

"That can be arranged, you know?" he laughed as the background music he had playing changed and he smiled brightly at me. "And thank you...I'll never look at that counter the same way again."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Shoot."

"Why did you react the way you did? You know...when you came on me."

"I've thought about this since the moment I heard the door slam when you left," he admitted. "You weren't here to be something for me to use sexually, I was supposed to be painting you...focusing on my art and instead I couldn't control myself. I thought that you would be mortified with me. It's not like me to...do that. Then again, I don't usually feel the urge to jack off with guests in the apartment." I giggled slightly and watched intently as Edward put his palette down and shoved his brush in a container of filthy grey water. He came towards me, wiping his paint splattered hands on his shirt as he moved. When he stopped in front of me, my breath caught in my throat.

"I was attracted to you from the moment you introduced yourself. It increased tenfold when I saw you standing in my living room nude on that first day. I wanted you more than anything I had ever desired before. I had very explicit dreams of us doing the most depraved things and to be brutally honest, I have not jerked off as much in my life as I have over the past several days." His lips found purchase against the curve of my neck while his hand moved slowly up the back of my neck, his fingers threading through my hair.

"However, I didn't want to ruin the friendship that we had been building. You get me, and I'd like to think I get you and your motivations a bit more. That being said, I never wanted you to think I was using you to get off. I wasn't...well in my mind I was, but I truly _need_ you to model for me and I don't want to even consider anyone else."

"I'll continue to model for you. I promise," I whispered breathily as Edward's lips kissed the corner of my mouth.

"I don't know how to keep my feelings for you separate from my art," he admitted as his lips brushed gently against mine, causing me to shiver.

"Then don't."

Edward's strong hands grasped my face as he kissed me roughly, his tongue plunging inside my mouth as I moaned in approval. God, he was a fucking excellent kisser and so much more confident now than I gave him credit for. Was there anything this man could do wrong?

"I just need to know one more thing," Edward uttered slowly as I dropped the robe in the middle of the floor, giving him one playful peek, before moving behind the screen to get re-dressed. "Do you have an issue with my age? I mean...I know I'm 19, but I'd like to think I'm mature for my age. I'm definitely more mature than my older brother."

I paused for a moment before pulling my shirt over my chest. All I had on were panties and my t-shirt as I moved from behind the screen to wrap my arms around a nervous Edward. "I don't have a problem with it. If I did, I wouldn't be indisputably attracted to you." I could feel Edward breathe a sigh of relief as I kissed his chin. "It's only five years. When I'm 29 and you're 24, will it even matter?"


	7. Peasant

**Smmiskimen and MaggieMay14 beta this monstrosity. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read and I adore them. If you live in the Greater Toronto Area or are coming to the area in early December, a bunch of us in the fandom are getting together to watch Breaking Dawn and probably drink ourselves stupid (maybe that's just my plan LOL). Anywhoo, if you wanna come along, find me over on Facebook as coldplaywhore fanfiction and we'll add you to our little group.**

**I don't own Twilight; I am watching Ghost Hunters.**

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><p>"<strong>I must be more sensible, and realize that at my age, illusions are hardly permitted, and they will always destroy me." <strong>

**– Paul Cezanne**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**October 2011  
><strong>

"You look like shit, bro," Emmett exclaimed as he walked into my office with a cup of coffee in one hand and a few rolls of blueprints in the other. "We have a meeting at eleven regarding the Clearwater account, and you better be on your A game. They are coming in to see the first draft and make changes."

Emmett was an architect, one of the most sought after in all of Seattle for residential designs, and I was his pathetic sidekick. Well, maybe pathetic was the wrong word, but it's not like I loved being his lackey. It helped me make ends meet and when I desperately needed to get out of my post-Bella funk, he was really the only person who would hire me after I dropped out of school and he was starting his fledgling firm with some financial backing from our parents. I didn't even have the qualifications to be a true architectural assistant, but Emmett had faith in me and I've tried my best not to let him down over the past few years.

I couldn't promise that I wouldn't let him down on this day though.

"Clearwater?" I questioned, with my eyebrow quirked. For the life of me I couldn't remember what the Clearwater account was, probably because I had so many other things on my mind, like the fact that I was meeting Bella in a few hours and I hadn't slept at all the night before.

I had tried desperately to get some rest, believe me, but regardless of what I did, I couldn't shut off my mind. I turned on the TV and watched a shitty movie. I played on my computer and I even tried counting sheep, but nothing worked. This is why I had already had close to four cups of coffee and a Red Bull by ten-thirty in the morning.

"They are the account Mom hooked us up with. The complete rebuild of the house on Bainbridge Island with two acres of land and a house that they flattened because it wasn't big enough. Mrs. Clearwater is particularly outrageous and wanted a mural of her kids, who are in their twenties, painted in her bedroom. Does any of this ring a bell, Edward?" Emmett dropped his papers on the edge of my desk and sat down, sipping his coffee while glaring at me. "What's wrong?"

"Why do you think something is wrong?" I replied, shutting down the game of Angry Birds I was playing on my MacBook and trying to act as normal as possible. I gathered my notebook and favorite pen, before I looked at Emmett with impatience. I wanted this meeting over. Hell, I wanted the entire day over with. "I'm fine; I promise."

"You're acting all weird."

"Weird how?"

"Well, let's start with how you are answering all my questions with questions."

"Am I?"

"There you go again. What the fuck, Edward?" he groaned as I let out a small sigh of defeat. Emmett was far too inquisitive for me to not tell him, so I decided to just bite the bullet and tell him.

"Bella contacted me the other day." I folded my arms against the top of my desk and rested my head on them, willing my headache to go away and for my thoughts to be of anything but Bella.

"No shit. What did she have to say?"

"She wants to meet me today?"

"Oh really? How on earth is she going to get out from under the watchful eye of Peter the Asshole? Surely he has her locked in a cage or something when they aren't out in public?" Emmett joked as I simply rolled my eyes.

"He went back to Chicago for a few days. I think she's staying behind to look at houses with Mom." Emmett went silent for a moment, sipping on his coffee and watching me intently. I lifted my head and leaned back against the chair with a groan, knowing full well that I was about to sound like a child. "I don't want to go."

"Then don't go."

"I feel like I owe it to her or something," I explained in a whisper, as Emmett's eyes grew wide at my remark.

"If you ever listen to one thing I have to say, listen to this – you do not owe her anything. You gave her your heart and your art, and she chose to leave you. She threw away whatever it was you two had and disappeared for almost five years. Hell, she would still be gone if she hadn't hitched her cart to our fucking moron of a cousin. If you don't want to go…don't go." I explained to Emmett that Bella hadn't left my mind since the moment we made plans for today, that I had slept for shit and I forgotten to eat breakfast. "She's fucking everything up…again."

"So, I shouldn't go, right?"

"She's engaged. Why do you want to put yourself through the torture of seeing her again? It's not like she can ever be yours again, even if you want her to be."

"I don't know!" I grasped at the hair at the nape of my neck, tugging roughly as my phone suddenly beeped and I could hear the voice of Andrea, Emmett's assistant come through.

"Mr. Cullens, you are both wanted in the conference room for the Clearwater meeting." I pressed the button on my phone and thanked her as Emmett gathered up his blueprints.

"Listen, this meeting won't be super long, so why don't you beg off early when it's done. I think you need more time to process all this shit," Emmett urged as we walked together down the hallway to our conference room. "If you go, make sure you tell her in no uncertain terms what she's done to you. Maybe seeing that you have changed so much, because of her, will make her back off."

"What if I don't want that…don't want her to back off, I mean?"

"I told you already dude, I'm not picking up the pieces again. You need closure," Emmett reminded me as we pushed the door open to the room and came face to face with our clients, Harold and Suzanne Clearwater. "It's so wonderful to see you both again. How about we get started right away?"

The meeting was easy enough. The clients loved most of the things Emmett had drawn up, per their original specifications. The items that Emmett didn't think would be feasible all had a great explanation behind them, so the clients didn't question much. Mrs. Clearwater seemed obsessed with her en suite bathroom and had Emmett try to take some space away from her master bedroom to enlarge the bathroom, and she wanted to make sure that every room with either tile or marble had heated floors. It was interesting to see how the other side lived, which was generally in excess.

After our meeting, I was cornered by Mrs. Clearwater who kept suggesting that she hook me up with her daughter since Emmett was already taken, I politely declined, and told her that though I was single, it was complicated. She slipped her daughters number in my pocket anyways, and when they left, I tossed it out.

I left work early, like Emmett had suggested, and headed towards Olympic Sculpture Park. I parked in the same parking lot I always had and decided to ignore the park and walk around the city for a bit instead. I walked along Elliott for a short while, passing through the sculpture park and headed into a small bar for a drink. One drink turned into three and at just after two in the afternoon, I wandered from the bar and back down to where I knew Bella would be waiting.

On my way, I passed a small gallery and I couldn't ignore the pull I felt towards it. When I stepped inside the ornate door, I came face to face with some seriously exceptional artwork. It had been a long time since I had visited either a gallery, museum or the park I was meeting Bella at. I just didn't feel the same way about art as I once had, but being in the small gallery seemed to change things. There were paintings, drawings, sculptures and mixed media throughout the space and I was impressed, and surprised, that I hadn't been there before.

"Can I help you with something?" asked a woman with long dark hair and a thin build. She was pretty in an unconventional sort of way, but the way she carried herself with confidence was different; especially in contrast to Bella.

"I was actually just walking by and wanted to take a peek. I've never noticed this store before," I remarked as I walked slowly through the gallery and stopped in front of a painting that looked somewhat familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. "You have some marvelous works in here."

"You know art?" I glanced down at her name tag briefly before lifting my head to face her.

"Well, Leah, I used to paint. I went to the University of Washington for Art, but it's been a while since I actually created anything of substance. However, this one is memorable to me. Who is the artist?" I had looked at the bottom right hand corner of the canvas to try and determine the artist, but there were just initials IC.

"Irina Chekov; she also graduated from the University of Washington art program, about three years ago. Russian-American artist with a preference towards..."

"Charcoals," I replied, finishing her comment. I should have known from the moment I first laid eyes on the work that it was something done by Irina. We had a couple of classes together and we knew of each other, but we became 'friends' of sorts after Bella left. Not that I felt anything romantic towards her, but she was a distraction during my early reckless days following Bella's departure. I wasn't sure how I felt seeing her work again though. It was always very dark and depressing, but very emotive. It was good to see someone from our class was doing something worthwhile and following their dream.

"Do you know of Irina?" asked Leah, as I nodded my head softly.

"I didn't graduate, but we had some classes together and mutual friends." If you'd consider Stolichnaya and Russian Standard as friends.

For the next thirty minutes, Leah and I talked about art and artists, mostly local ones and graduates of UDub, but it was refreshing to talk about art again with someone who knew so much. I hadn't truly had a chance, or even thought about, discussing art again and for a short while, it took my mind off of everything.

Of course it was at that moment that I realized I was running late for my meeting with Bella. "Thanks for your help. I'll be back one day," I said sincerely as Leah offered her card and I slipped it in my jacket pocket.

"Anytime you want to discuss art or even just get a drink...call me," she replied sweetly. As she made her way back through the store I couldn't help but notice the sway of her hips as she went. Had she been flirting with me the entire time? Was I that bloody blind?

I was ten minutes late to meet Bella at the park, but like I had assumed, she was standing near 'The Eagle' sculpture that was one of the standouts at the park.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming," Bella replied as I stopped in front of her. She moved to lean in and give me a hug, but I backed away. "Too much, right?"

"Yeah, way too much," I answered as she came and stood beside me, a slight frown on her face. "Do you want to walk and talk?" I nodded slowly, but the conversation she directed us to immediately made me uncomfortable. "I remember the first time we came here; you taught me so much about art that day. You told me all about Calder and his mobiles and how you wanted to go to National Gallery with me to see his works..."

"Stop, please," I asked, with frustration clear in my voice.

"I went...two years ago. Kate wanted to take a girls trip and we went to Washington D.C. She wasn't into art, so while she was checking out the National Library, I went to see the Calder Exhibit. Did you ever make it there?"

"No, and I really don't want to hear about you going either," I replied through clenched teeth.

"I was escorted out of the building, because I went into his exhibit, sat myself on the ground in the middle of it and began crying uncontrollably," Bella admitted as I watched her wipe tears from her face with the back of her hand. When she looked back at me, she had a small smile on her face. "I miss you."

"You don't have the right to miss me, Bella." I felt like I was on the verge of snapping and saying something I would truly regret. I couldn't believe she had dragged me down here to tell me how much she missed me and to tell me she had gone to the National Gallery without me. That had been something I desperately wanted with her, and even now, it could never happen. Not that I expected it would. "You can't do this to me. I can't handle it."

"I'm trying to be honest with you about everything."

"You should have been honest years ago before you left," I argued, my voice dripping with venom and pure anger as Bella paced around me, clearly anxious about my reaction. "Why don't you tell me how you ended up with Peter?"

"Umm...when I moved to Chicago, I lived with Kate for a little bit. She and Garrett had moved there after graduation when he scored a sweet job," she said quickly, noticing my impatience. "She suggested that I get in touch with my mother and to either try and mend our relationship or end it altogether. It was at a dinner party that my mother threw where I met Peter."

"I thought he mentioned that you worked for his firm as a legal assistant?"

"I did, but I didn't ever notice him at work. He apparently noticed me though," she said softly as she paused as we were walking towards another sculpture. "Are you sure you want to hear all of this?"

"Of course I don't want to hear any of it. I fucking hate Peter more than anything; I have since we were children, and to find out that you guys are engaged is like the second worst thing in the world. That prick always got whatever the fuck he wanted, and you are no exception," I seethed, my blood practically boiling at the mere thought of Bella and Peter together.

"I told you the other night; I didn't know you and Peter were related. He's a Masen, you're a Cullen..."

"It doesn't matter. You are with Peter, which is just another reason for me to stay away from you." I shoved my hands in the pocket of my jacket and began to walk away, but Bella ran to catch up with me. "I don't know why the hell you wanted me to meet you today. Especially here. We had good memories here and now they are tainted."

Bella froze in front of me and held her hands up, her eyes and body begging me to stay. "I came because I wanted to see if I could find you, and it was easier than I expected. I just..."

"You just what? Realized your life was crap and that Peter was a raging asshole who treated you like shit?"

"I realized I was still in love with you. Hell, long before I went to Washington D.C., I realized I was in love with you, but I knew you wouldn't take me back. Not after what I had done."

"You were right...I wouldn't take you back," I replied simply as tears formed in the corner of Bella's eyes and the confident woman I had known years ago disappeared and became the silent shell of her former self. "Neither of us is the same anymore. We've changed and not necessarily for the better. I haven't picked up a paintbrush in almost five years and you...well clearly you've done nothing about your poetry."

"I wrote to you," she admitted quickly as my eyes darted from the bench I had been staring at to her. "They all came back. I had the wrong address."

"I moved. Well, Emmett forced me to move."

"I figured."

"So much for my plan to ask if we could go there – to the loft."

"I still own it. I haven't stepped foot in it in years though. Emmett cleaned it out after I practically ruined the place." I admitted, although I regretted it immediately.

The less I told Bella about the months after she left, the easier this would all be. I didn't want to relieve those dark days...ever, but Emmett thought it would be cathartic or something. I wasn't sure I agreed with him.

"I still have the letters I sent you. Maybe...I could give them to you one day, so you could see that I..." Bella said, her voice barely a whisper as I let out a huge sigh.

"I don't want to see them. You have no idea just how fucked up my life was when you left. What I did to cope, to get past everything. I lost the only two things that I loved – you and my art – so no, I don't want to read about how _your_ life was difficult when _you_ left, because it was your choice. Throw them away, shred them…fuck, burn them, I don't fucking care," I shouted in frustration. "I need to go," I said callously as Bella's eyes grew wide in surprise.

"Oh...I thought maybe we could go and have coffee and talk some more, but if you have other plans, I get it," she said, the hurt from my behavior clear in her voice.

"Bye, Bella." With a small modicum of strength, I walked away from her and I had to admit, it didn't give me the high I always thought it would. I simply felt like shit.

"I'm leaving Peter," she called out. I stopped for a moment and then did something Emmett would be very proud of; I kept walking away from her.

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><p><strong>Wanna know what I'm reading? I loved The Property of Bella Swan by BellaSunshine, which was a drabble fic that recently completed. Make it a Part by SweetDulcinea makes me swoony and Following Faith by jen328 has a lot of potential and I can't wait for an update.<strong>


	8. The Eagle

**Smmiskimen and MaggieMay14 beta this mess. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read and I adore them like I adore those little Kraft Caramels. **

**If you live in the Greater Toronto Area or are coming to the area in early December, a bunch of us in the fandom are getting together to watch Breaking Dawn and have some fun. If you wanna come along, find me over on Facebook as coldplaywhore fanfiction and I'll add you to our little group.**

**I don't own Twilight; I am watching Ghost Hunters.**

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><p>"<strong><strong>How does art come into being? Out of volumes, motion, spaces carved out within the surrounding space, the universe."-Alexander Calder<strong>**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**October 2006  
><strong>

After class the next day, I showed up at Edward's apartment at our agreed time and he was just arriving home. He looked all out of sorts, with his hair sticking up all over the place, and his button down shirt half tucked into his jeans. It was a weird look, but he was so fucking adorable that he pulled it off without any trouble.

"You have exceptional timing," I replied as Edward closed the door to his small car and moved towards me, his arms wrapping easily around my waist as he kissed me sweetly on the lips and lifted me off the ground. It was unexpected, but very welcome. His lips were warm, soft and so bloody tempting that it was hard for me to not grab him and mount him on the hood of his car. I had to show some semblance of calm around the man, at least for a little while.

"I actually was rushing around all afternoon. I had a morning class and a meeting with my advisor. In fact, I was telling him about you." Edward put me down and kissed me softly again as my mind began to move a mile a minute.

"What about me?" I asked, anxiously. I certainly hope he wasn't telling him about how our relationship crossed the line between business and pleasure. Was he even allowed to do that? Wait…did they even care? All they cared about was the works he produced, right?

"We talked about the paintings and how excited I was about them, nothing more, Bella. I promise." I breathed a sigh of relief as Edward moved towards the trunk of his car, holding onto my hand as he went. "Then I went to the store to get some supplies and groceries, since I was running out of food. Sometimes when I get completely overwhelmed in painting, I can lose track of time. Keep that in mind if I seem to go missing or something." I nodded in understanding as I helped Edward grab the bags from the back of the car. We then brought them up into the loft, where Edward unloaded them as I sat on the couch, getting comfortable.

"I have something planned for us today," he stated as I watched him shove some food into his freezer without care.

"Is it another painting? Do you need me to get undressed?"

"As much as I might regret this, no…your clothes should stay on."

"Where's the fun in that?" I asked with a laugh as I watched Edward put away some bottles of paint and other supplies, before he came towards me, a grin covering his face.

"I know…I've been kicking myself for making this decision too." Edward held up his hands and made the motion like he was weighing something before stating, "Nude Bella or Date with Bella", over and over again. It appeared that 'Date with Bella' was the clear winner.

"So, we're going on a date, huh?"

"That is the next logical step, right?" Edward asked, clearly unsure of himself. To be honest, I wasn't sure what the next step in our switch from friendship to more should be either. I'd never gone from being a nude model to…whatever it was Edward and I were doing. However, I guess a date was as good of a start as anything.

"It's perfect," I replied with a soft kiss to his cheek as Edward grabbed my hand in his and then pulled me up from the couch.

"Good…now I hope those are comfortable shoes, cause we will be walking a bit." I glanced down at my footwear and determined that I would be fine as Edward led us from his apartment and back down to his car.

It was twenty minutes later when we pulled into a parking lot near the waterfront and Edward was literally bursting with excitement. "The weather wasn't too cold today so I thought it would be a good chance to come here. Before we know it, winter will be here and we will freeze our butts off."

"And where is here?" I asked, as Edward and I climbed from his car and he came around to my side, where he slipped his hand in mine effortlessly and helped me out. I looked at our surroundings, but I was confused. Were we going to Pier 69 or for a walk along the Elliott Bay Trail? In all my years living in Seattle, I hadn't really had the opportunity to come to this area much, but I knew it well enough.

"Olympic Sculpture Park, of course." Edward turned me to face away from the waterfront and sure enough, to the northwest of us was a large open space filled with sculptures and walking space. It looked so inviting and I could completely understand Edward's enthusiasm about it all. It also made me a little sad because I didn't have anything in my life I was so passionate about. He had his art; it gave his life meaning and fulfilled him in ways that nothing else could. He was so lucky.

Edward and I walked along and he pulled me into the park where we walked for a few minutes, taking in our surroundings and watching others who were enjoying the sculptures and taking pictures, before we came to a stop.

"This is by far my favorite piece here," Edward said with a lithe motion of his hands as he pointed to a big orangey-red pile of steel. I had no idea what it was, but it was nice to see the Space Needle off in the distance behind it.

"And it is your favorite because?" I asked, confused. It just didn't look like anything to me. I clearly didn't have the eye for art that Edward did, but I usually knew what I liked. This pile of steel didn't look like much.

"It's beautiful. It's called 'The Eagle' and is by a world-renowned American artist named Alexander Calder. He is most famous for making oversized mobiles…"

"Like baby mobiles?" I interrupted.

"Sort of," Edward answered with a small smile on his face. "They are usually much too big for a crib and don't have anything cute on them like fuzzy bunnies or the fish from _Finding Nemo_, but they are awesome nonetheless."

"I'll take your word for it," I replied as I surveyed the steel in front of me once again and Edward eased his arm over my shoulder, pulling me tightly into his side. I breathed in his strong scent as a gust of wind passed around us. Thankfully, I wasn't caught nuzzling into his side and smelling him like the maniac I felt like I was at that moment.

"At the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. there is an entire room dedicated to Calder and his art. Maybe one day we can go," Edward stated, his voice unwavering and hopeful, as I felt my insides sink.

I had to admit that his off-handed comment caught me completely off guard. This was technically our first date, and he was being so optimistic about the future. I felt, even though I was head over heels for him, that I was misleading him somehow. I hadn't meant to do it, but Edward already appeared so serious about us, that I was a little worried.

As I stood there, just nodding my head along with what he was explaining about the artist, but not really listening, I knew there was no reason for me to break his heart. For all I knew, we would be together forever, and we would make that trip to Washington. Who knew what the future held for us?

"I've also been dying to go to New York City and visit the Whitney and the MOMA, not just because they feature the works of Calder, but because they house so many awesome works, you know?"

"No…not really. I don't have anything in my life that is as all-encompassing as your art. I love standing here and listening to you tell me about these different artists because they mean so much to you. You could probably teach art if you wanted to. I can tell just how passionate you are about that aspect of your life."

"What about poetry?"

"What about it? Do I enjoy writing it? Sure, I do. I also love reading it and I have dozens of favorites that I could recite from memory, but I'm not sure that it affects me in the same way that art does to you."

Edward turned to face me and pulled me close into his arms as he towered over me, his over six foot frame making me seem so small in his shadow. "Quote something."

"What?"I asked, incredulously as Edward kissed my forehead softly.

"Tell me one of your favorites. If you can recite one from memory, show me." I paused for a moment and looked up at Edward, who had such sincerity in his eyes, that I couldn't deny him. I cleared my throat briefly as I thought of something to recite to him, unsure if he would know it or not.

"This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless, Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done, Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best, Night, sleep, death and the stars."

"That was beautiful," he replied with his usual breathtaking grin as he fingered the ends of my hair before reaching up and pushing some stray tendrils behind my ear. "Much like the woman who said it."

"Well, I have to be a bit prettier than Walt Whitman, right?"

"I don't know…was he pretty?" Edward asked as he pulled me in for a tight hug. "Regardless of what you think Bella, you clearly have passion. If you didn't, you wouldn't have been able to recite that poem from memory. What is that poem about?"

"Depends who you ask. A lot of poetry, like art I guess, is subjective. Some people think it is about releasing the soul back into the universe, which is probably the theory I like best." Edward nodded his head slowly and kissed my temple before leading me through the rest of the park, explaining bits and pieces about the sculptures and the artists.

"How did you get to be so smart?" I questioned, as he finished telling me about one of the other pieces, which was a bench fashioned to look like an eye.

"With art, I've just thrown myself in headfirst and tried to learn as much as I could. The constant encouragement of my parents helped a lot too," he admitted easily, before he stopped in his tracks and looked at me with apprehension. "As for everything else, I have no idea what I am doing. I'm sorta making everything up as I go along. I have no idea what I am doing with you, Bella. I'm completely out of my element."

"You certainly wouldn't know it," I admitted as I watched our hands swing between us. "Everything you are doing is right. At least I think so, and I'm the only one you need to impress, right?"

Edward moved our entwined hands behind my back and leaned in to kiss me, his lips moving effortlessly against mine. I used my free hand to wrap my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck and pull him closer against me, both of us letting out a small groan before our tongues found the other, deepening our kiss. When we finally parted, both of us panting and me definitely wanting more, Edward had a huge grin on his face.

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow," I replied, mirroring his response and letting out a small giggle. "You are welcome to do that any time you want." Edward blushed and led me down the path to see the last few sculptures in the park.

As the day slowly faded to night, and when Edward had finished showing me his world and asking me about poetry, we made our way down the street to The Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner. It was nice and casual; Edward was a perfect gentleman and seemed much wiser than his nineteen years. I would have been lying if I said that he wasn't something special to me. With each passing moment he was making me fall for him more and I had only known him for a few days.

He drove me back to my apartment and when I invited him in, eagerly hoping for a bit more of the kissing we had done in the park, I was shocked when he declined. Instead, Edward gave me a sweet kiss on the lips and promised that he would see me soon, but he had the sudden urge to paint. There was no way I could deny him.

When I walked into my small apartment just after nine o'clock, I felt a little saddened that he didn't want to paint me, but considering how great our day was, I wasn't going to dwell on it. Instead, I changed quickly and climbed into bed with my battered copy of Leaves of Grass, reading it until I fell asleep with the book perched in my lap.

"Did you just say he took you to The Old Spaghetti Factory?" Kate asked, sounding aghast when I mentioned my date with Edward. "Wow, he is young isn't he? I'm shocked you didn't go to Chuck E. Cheeses."

"Shut your pie hole. The restaurant was near the park we went to," I defended, albeit a bit helplessly.

"At least he didn't take you to Subway, right?" Kate mentioned with a laugh as she curled her legs underneath her body, getting comfortable beside me on the couch. "Okay, so you say that the date was at least good? Did you drink? Cause he can't, so that could have gotten awkward."

I paused for a moment as I took a sip of my beer and watched Kate, who seemed a little too interested in what was going on in my love life. I mean, sure, it was about time I had any sort of romantic life, but she had never really cared about it before. "Yeah, it was good," I remarked casually hoping to appease her curiosity, but knowing very well that I hadn't.

"There's got to be something more than that you can give me, Bel. I'm living vicariously through you. Garrett and I haven't been out on an actual date in weeks."

"Give me a break," I said, exasperated, knowing full well that they had gone out to a concert and dinner the week before.

"Oh fine, but I'm your best friend, you have to share some details with me. It's like...law or something."

"Fine, here are some details for you. I met him at his loft, we went to Olympic Sculpture Park and talked about art and poetry before he took me out to dinner and then drove me home. He had to go home and paint, so I stayed up and read. There ya go."

"No groping, kissing or third base action?" I shook my head. "His hand didn't slip and accidently grab a boob?"

"Nothing."

"Wow, I'm disappointed," Kate said with a thoughtful look on his face. "Based on his age I thought he would be all about getting a little action from something other than his hand."

"There's no need to be disappointed. I had a wonderful time and I'm looking forward to another date," I replied truthfully. "Plus, I have no idea if he's a virgin or not. I've never asked."

"Do you think he is?" she questioned, with a quirked eye brow, but I ignored her. Honestly, I had no idea if he was or not, and I wasn't sure I cared. I wanted him regardless.

I had gotten a text from Edward early in the morning after our date thanking me for a great night, but I hadn't heard from him again. That was two days ago. I had messaged him this morning and let him know I was free for the day, hoping to get some modeling time in with him, but there was no response as of yet, which made me nervous.

To add to my anxiety was the fact that I had paid my landlord five-hundred of the thousand dollars that Edward had given me, using the rest to pay some bills so I didn't have my power shut off or collectors calling me at all hours, but I still owed quite a bit on the rent. When I paid Kebi, he grunted and complained that I wasn't paying the full balance, but I promised it to him in a few days. Now, I was on the verge of calling my mother if I didn't hear from Edward soon.

"So, new topic…when do Garrett and I get to meet him?" Kate asked, pulling me from my thoughts of my potential financial ruin.

"How about never?" I replied jokingly as Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest and huffed at me like she was a toddler about to throw a massive temper tantrum. "Okay, how about in a few weeks. Let me and Edward get through our first few weeks of...whatever this is we are doing, and maybe I'll have you all over for dinner."

"If you still have a place to live by then, right?"

"I won't go homeless. I'll talk to my mother first before things get that bad…maybe."

Kate spent the rest of our Saturday afternoon distracting me until Garrett got home from work. We watched _Dude, Where's My Car_ and quoted almost the entire thing while munching on some chips and drinking the last few beers in my fridge. They would definitely be a luxury now that money was tight. Garrett came in and claimed Kate shortly after six and invited me to join them for dinner, but I declined, still holding out hope that Edward would call or text, wanting to see me.

Needless to say, later that night when my phone did ring, I instantly answered it with excitement clear in my voice.

"It's about time you called," I said playfully, as I heard a throat clear on the other end of the line and I immediately froze.

"Were you expecting my call, Isabella?" my mother asked simply, as I threw myself down on my bed with a thump, and covered my mouth with my arm to let out a silent scream. I wasn't ready to deal with her controlling shit at that point, or any point really. My mother had the ability to annoy the shit out of me with just six words.

"I'm sorry, Mother, but I thought you were someone else."

"Well, I hope I am not disappointing you. Marcus reminded me earlier today that it had been a while since I had last heard from you and I just wanted to check in and make sure you were surviving." I held back a snort of laughter, finding it hilarious that her new husband had to remind her to make sure I was still alive. "I trust everything is going well for you these days?"

"Yes, I'm doing just fine. Busy with all my studies and working, you know how it is." Actually, there was no way she knew what my life was like. Renee Coventry hadn't worked a day in her life, unless you counted bossing around the employees of her house work. After marrying Charlie they became pregnant with me right away and she stayed home to raise me. Now that she was married to Marcus, the multi-millionaire, she avoided work like the plague.

"I'm sure you are very busy, dear. How is your father doing?"

"Don't act like you care, mother," I snapped, frustrated with the attitude she was putting on. She didn't care about Charlie's well-being, so I couldn't fathom why she wanted to know how he was doing. She had to learn when to leave well enough alone.

"Isabella, I never stopped caring for your father, I just wasn't in love with him anymore."

"So instead you had an affair with someone else? You don't know anything about love, Mother."

"Isabella..." she bristled at me, no doubt wanting to chide me for my rude behavior, but I didn't care. She was the one who left us. It was she who decided to leave once I had moved out because she thought it would be best. It was best for no one but her. Renee was as selfish as they came and I hoped to god I would never be like her. "You don't know what you are talking about. You weren't in the relationship with Charlie and me, so don't judge me for my decisions. I did what was best for me."

"I'd rather not talk at all, if it's all the same to you."

"Fine Isabella, we just won't talk anymore today, though I was hoping that you might consider coming out to Chicago for the holidays."

"I'm staying with Dad for Christmas."

"I'd like for you to at least consider it," Renee said trying to sound a little hopeful.

"Don't hold your breath," I muttered.

"Well, if I don't hear from you in a few weeks, I will call back." I was silent, knowing that she was waiting for some sort of confirmation from me. "Do you need any money for your books or tuition this semester, dear?"

This was usually how Renee operated, and it drove me nuts. She would call, make sure I was still drawing breath and see if she could help...with money. She never once tried to engage me in talk about my studies or my friends. Hell, she barely even seemed interested enough in the call to find out how I was doing. Her attempts at engaging me were pathetic, especially considering how close we were when I was younger. Then again, I was no better for taking money from her when she offered it because it made her feel like she was contributing to my life, when she really wasn't.

"No. I'm fine," I lied, my body shaking in frustration and regret. I needed the money, I really did, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction she would get by helping me.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied through clenched teeth. "Listen, Mom, I have to go. I have a major essay to write for one of my classes and I need to get working on it."

"You should go out and have fun, Isabella. It's a Saturday night. Don't spend all your time focused on your studies," she encouraged, thinking that she was being helpful, when really all she did was remind me that I was home alone on a Saturday night.

"Thanks Mom. I'll talk to you in a few weeks." I hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief, but only for a moment, when I realized that I really should have said yes to her offer of money. If I had agreed, most of my problems would have disappeared and Kebi would be off my case about the rent, at least until the next payment was due.

I tossed my phone on my nightstand and stared up at the roof of my small bedroom, glancing briefly at the clock to see that it was almost ten. Surely Edward would still be up at ten, right? I grabbed the phone back and quickly dialed his number, waiting impatiently and hoping like hell that he would answer the phone. I missed him, and it hadn't even been that long since I saw him last.

"This is Edward, you know what to do," declared his voicemail after the fourth ring. I hung up and cursed myself for calling him before curling up in my bed and pulling the covers over my head. I just wished the day would end.

As I was beginning to fall asleep a short while later, I heard knocking on my front door and reluctantly climbed from my bed to answer it, certain that it would be Kate. However, when I looked through the small peephole, I was surprised to see Edward standing there.

I opened the door and was greeted with his tired looking face, streaked with paint and small frown lines around his mouth. Wordlessly, I ushered him in and led him to my bedroom, where we both undressed and climbed into bed, needing something, but unable to voice it.

I fell asleep that night, wrapped in his arms and unable to contain my excitement that he had come for me. Unfortunately, his arrival also left me with a lot of questions, but for that moment, they weren't important. The only thing I cared about was that he was there with me; we were together.

**The poem quoted is 'A Clear Midnight' by Walt Whitman. I love his work and read Leaves of Grass when I was 19. **

**Do you like angst? I'm a judge in the upcoming contest 'Season of Our Discontent Anonymous Angst Contest!' Make sure to check us out on twitter at twiangstcontest and on at .net/~seasonofourdiscontent. Submissions start being accepted on October 15th!**


	9. Chop Suey

**Smmiskimen and MaggieMay14 beta this mess. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read and I adore them like I adore making fun of people. I'm mean, let's face it.**

**If you live in the Greater Toronto Area or are coming to the area in early December, a bunch of us in the fandom are getting together to watch Breaking Dawn and have some fun. If you wanna come along, find me over on Facebook as coldplaywhore fanfiction and I'll add you to our little group.**

**I don't own Twilight; I am prepping to teach my co-workers about Twitter. You can follow me as coldplaywhore if you don't already. I'm not much fun though.**

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><p>"<strong>Great art is the outward expression of an inner life in the artist, and this inner life will result in his personal vision of the world."- Edward Hopper<strong>

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**October 2011**

The next few days went by slowly as I tried to deal with the aftermath of my conversation with Bella and the rest of my pathetic little life. Okay, so to some people it wasn't pathetic, but I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't moving forward. My life was at a complete standstill.

My mother invited me to lunch with her the day after I met with Bella at the park and I promptly declined, knowing full well that most of our lunch would revolve around my disappearance from the dinner from hell the weekend before. Either that or she would talk about Peter like he hung the moon. That was usually what happened where he was concerned, no matter whose company I was in. Unless it was Emmett; he loathed Peter almost as much as I did.

Peter's mother, Claire, is the big sister to my mother, Esme. They were always close growing up, married within a year of each other and were pregnant at the same time with Peter and Emmett, though Peter was born first. He never lets us forget that little fact either; that he was the oldest of all the kids born in the family. My Aunt Claire was the sweetest woman I had ever met, which could only mean that Peter got his shitty attitude and god complex from my Uncle Randall, who wasn't exactly around a lot while we were growing up.

Emmett and I were both too little to remember when Uncle Randall moved their family to Chicago, but I could only imagine how horrible life would have been if we had to endure Peter on a regular basis. The major holidays and sporadic vacations were bad enough, but being forced to spend time with Peter on a weekly or even monthly basis would have been unbearable.

I could appreciate how close my mother and her sister were, I had practically the same relationship with Emmett, but I didn't need to hear about how wonderful and successful Peter had become every time I got together with my mother. I sold my first major painting at fifteen for over $20,000, while Peter was in his first year of college, but you never hear anyone gush about that, simply because no one ever discussed my art anymore for fear of pissing me off. It was an unmentionable topic, and to have to face it head on with Bella the other day just put me in a shitty mood.

"Okay, so the Clearwater's approved the design today. Those little changes we made seem to have made all the difference," Emmett said as he stuck his head into my office, a huge grin plastered across his face. "We're all gonna go to dinner at the Waterfront Seafood Grill tonight to celebrate, so put on your happy face."

"Yeah, I'll be there," I replied with a sigh, as I began wondering who the hell picked the restaurant that was just two blocks from Olympic Sculpture Park. Either someone was psychic or fate just hated me.

"Come on…where's your excitement over this? We're almost done this project. I've already got them hooked up with a contractor and we're working on the permits so we can get the building underway as soon as possible," Emmett explained hurriedly as he sat down in the chair across from my desk and proceeded to get comfortable. "Think positive, Suzanne will stop trying to hook you up with her daughter any time now."

"Somehow I doubt she'll give up." I had been so wrapped up in my own world that I hadn't had the time to tell Emmett about the three emails and two voicemails Suzanne had left me all under the guise of additional suggestions for the house, which she then decided against before she dropped hints about her daughter and left her number. Of course there was no way I was going to do anything about it, my life was romantically fucked up enough as it was.

"She and Harry have already given us two referrals for friends of theirs looking for architects. How awesome is that?"

"That's really great news, Em," I replied somberly as Emmett smacked his hand against my desk, pulling me from my thoughts. "Okay, you've been out of it for days. Are you going to tell me what happened when you met up with Bella?"

"Nothing happened."

"I call bullshit."

"We met and she didn't bring me coffee though she said she would in her text."

"Oh, so you showed up, she didn't bring coffee and you were pissed off at the lack of caffeine, so you left?"

"No, it didn't quite go down like that," I sighed, exasperated. I couldn't figure out why I wasn't telling Emmett everything that happened between us, especially since he had been my only source of support after she disappeared all those years ago. He looked at me with a hint of impatience and a whole lot of curiosity, so I just let it fly, telling him everything that had happened between us at the park. "Then, as I'm getting ready to leave, she blurts out that she wants to leave Peter."

"Fucking right," Emmett added with a little too much exuberance. "I don't like the girl, which is solely because she broke your heart, but I don't think anyone deserves the torture of being subjected to Peter. He's toxic."

"It doesn't make a difference to me if she stays with him or leaves him, Emmett. We never really got into an in depth discussion about our past. Without any sort of justification about what went down between us, I'm not sure her leaving Peter makes a difference. Hell, she might not even leave him. I mean, what reason would she have for leaving him?"

"He's a complete and utter douche who treats her like a possession rather than a person. I mean, I treat my iPhone better than he treated her at dinner the other night." I nodded my head in agreement as Emmett continued ranting on. "When I told Rosalie what he said about her not knowing her place or whatever it was he said, she flew off the handle. I seriously think the next time she sees him, he's gonna get bitch slapped, which I have to admit, would be awesome."

"Yeah, I guess," I answered sullenly as Emmett groaned at me.

"Please don't turn back into the emo, depressing and self-destructive bastard that you were when she left the first time," Emmett growled as I glared at him, trying to show some control, but having none.

"This isn't like the last time."

"Do I need to remind you about Irina?"

"No, you don't need to remind me. I had a lovely reminder of her the other day." Emmett's eyes grew wide and I could tell he was worried. "I went into a gallery before meeting Bella and they had a piece done by Irina there. I thought I recognized it, and the woman who worked there, Leah, confirmed it for me."

"I hope it was just a reminder of her."

"Emmett, Irina was a very brief part of my past..."

"It doesn't matter how short you knew her, as far as I am concerned, I hope you never see her again; she was a crazy Russian bi..." My phone started buzzing on my desk, signaling that I had a new text, but I ignored it, which intrigued Emmett so he unceremoniously grabbed my phone and read the text aloud. "Can I take you to dinner? We need to clear the air between us."

"Seriously, Bella wants to take you to dinner, now? Are you going to go?"

"Probably not."

"Why not? If you ignore her, you'll never get the answers you want." Emmett grinned at me and started typing a reply to her as I reached across my desk to try and take my phone back. Sure enough, Emmett dashed out of the chair and ran like a raving lunatic down the hallway, mumbling something incoherently as he went.

When I finally caught up with him, after having to endure the stares of our co-workers along the way to his office, he was holding up my phone in victory.

"You are meeting her on Saturday night at Vintage."

"Fuck, come on...really?" I groaned as I snatched my phone back and looked at it, confirming that I did in fact have plans with Bella at seven o'clock that night. I wondered if Peter was still out of town and if so, why he was taking so bloody long back in Chicago? If I was engaged to Bella, or anyone for that matter, I would have a rough time being away from them for a day and Peter had almost been gone a week.

_That works. Peter is due back in the city Sunday afternoon –Bella_

Well, I guess that answered my question, I thought as I rolled my eyes and Emmett looked at me with curiosity. "I'm gonna go because you are basically forcing me too, but let me just say, I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it; you do need to get closure, though. Sit down, order a beer and ask her what the fuck could have caused her to walk out on you five years ago. That's it...just find out."

Dinner at the Waterfront Grill that night was fine, nothing too exciting, and I found myself eager to go home not long after we had arrived. I sipped on two drinks, Emmett watching my every move like a hawk, which only made me feel more self conscious. We celebrated our success on the Clearwater project and thanked our staff for their continued hard work. Thanks to the economy, it was rare that we got such a lucrative contract as the Clearwater's, but it was only made better by the referrals they had been giving us. The firm was looking good going into the next year, and I could sense the excitement radiating off of Emmett.

The Clearwater's unexpectedly joined us just after drinks, and thanked our entire staff for their assistance in making their dreams come true. I thought it was a bit much, if you asked me, but what surprised me even more was when the saleswoman from the gallery joined them and looked at me oddly.

"Edward, right?"

"Yeah...Leah?"

"I'm surprised you remembered," she remarked with a genuine smile as my eyes darted between her and Suzanne, and I immediately made the connection. "I see you already know my parents."

"As you can now tell, the firm I work for did the re-design on their Bainbridge Island home," I admitted, a little embarrassingly as Suzanne stood beside her daughter grinning wildly.

"This is the man I was telling you about, Leah. I'm glad to see he finally took my suggestion and called you. When did you guys get together?"

Well now, this was fucking awkward wasn't it? Mrs. Clearwater had been all over me for almost a month to hook up with her daughter, and sure enough, I had already met her. There was no way I could lie to this woman, because Leah would know immediately, so I steeled my nerves and gave a small smile.

"Actually, I hadn't yet had a chance to call her, but thanks to an odd coincidence, Leah and I met the other day at her gallery."

"Oh well isn't that interesting. I've been trying to meddle and fate has been pulling you two together regardless," Suzanne exclaimed happily as I watched Leah roll her eyes. I knew Suzanne believed in all that astrology crap, but from the look on Leah's face, it seemed that it was one thing she and her mother didn't agree on. This just made it all the more interesting to have dinner with the Clearwater, who we also learned had a son named Seth who was currently in the Air Force, stationed out of Hawaii.

Halfway through dinner, Emmett looked at me from a few seats down and winked knowingly, which caught me off guard.

"So, like I was saying, do you ever go and watch the films down at SAM?" asked Leah casually.

"I used to," I admitted, my voice filled with a bit of regret. Bella and I use to go to SAM and watch movies whenever we got the chance, but of course I wasn't going to sit there and rehash that with Leah, a woman a barely knew. "I haven't actually been back to the museum in a while. Hell, just going to the park the other day was a big feat for me. I haven't really done much art in a long while."

"Well, that's a shame," Leah said casually.

"It is a shame. Edward used to be a great artist. In fact, I'm sure he still is. He just needs to apply himself," Emmett chimed in as I turned to him quickly and sliced my hand through the air, attempting to silence him. Leah and Suzanne both looked at me in surprise, but I simply shrugged my shoulders and tried to blow the situation off.

"It was nothing, really."

"I'm sure you were a wonderful painter," Leah whispered sincerely as her hand gripped my arm and I recoiled, resting my hand back in my lap instead of on the table. Emmett noticed immediately and his eyes looked concerned, but I simply changed the topic.

"What was it you were saying about the films at SAM? Did you see something good recently?"

"Um…no." Leah hesitated, the words seemingly on the tip of her tongue but unable to come forth. Finally, she opened her mouth and paused briefly before she spoke. "Actually, no…I was going to see if you wanted to go watch _A Place in the Sun_ with me next week. It's playing as part of their Film Noir series. I just thought maybe you would like it."

I looked beside her and breathed a sigh of relief that her mother wasn't paying attention; otherwise Suzanne would be beaming from ear to ear and picking out china patterns or some shit. "What night is it playing on?" I asked, feeling like shit for giving Leah hope when I knew deep down inside that I would cancel on her at the last moment and never see her again. That was the way I worked. I was sure that Leah was a great woman and she was definitely pretty and artistically inclined, but I wasn't ready for a date.

With her or anyone, if I was being brutally honest.

"It's next Wednesday night."

"Can I let you know? I'm not sure of my schedule right now," I lied, knowing that my schedule was free and clear, like it was most nights, unless you counted Saturday night at seven, when I was set to meet Bella.

"Oh yeah…sure. Do you still have my card?" I thought for a moment and then nodded my head, remembering the small card sitting on top of my dresser. "How about I put it in your phone right now, so you don't forget?"

Continuing with my streak of bad luck, as Leah reached for my phone perched on the table, it buzzed with yet another text message. She had already been looking at phone, so I wasn't surprised to see her face fall slightly as she handed it to me.

_Can I call you tonight? – Bella_

Shit.

"What's your number?" I asked Leah, ignoring Bella's text completely and trying to focus on the woman in front of me, though Bella remained in my mind.

I listened as Leah spouted off her number, while I entered it into my phone and wondered why the fuck Bella wanted to call me. I shook my head, realizing that I shouldn't care and I was simply tormenting myself further by thinking about her. So, I stopped. "Let me look at my schedule tomorrow and I'll let you know, alright?"

Leah tensed as she looked at me and gave me a small smile. "Listen, if you are seeing someone…"

"I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…she's my cousin's fiancée," I admitted with a hint of frustration, and I could tell from the look on Leah's face that she didn't believe me.

"We're only friends, but I liked you and thought we had a good time tonight and at the gallery. That being said, I refuse to get in the middle of anything, especially if you are unsure of…whatever."

At this point, dinner was winding down and the conversations had become less animated between everyone at the table. I could see Emmett on the phone, most likely with Rosalie, and I glanced once more at Leah and let out a small sigh.

"Listen," I whispered, not wanting to draw too much attention to us. "I have a past with her, but she's going to marry my cousin. If you want to be my friend, yeah…we can try. It's not like I have many friends to begin with."

"Friends," Leah said without remorse as she offered me her hand and I shook it tentatively. "Check your schedule and let me know. I'd hate to go watch Montgomery Clift by myself."

I didn't answer Bella's text that night, or the next for that matter. When I left the restaurant, I went straight home and climbed into bed, my head aching and unwilling to shut off. It didn't help that when I woke up the next morning, I stumbled into my kitchen to find my mother standing there sorting through my stack of unopened mail and brewing a cup of coffee.

"Don't you ever open your mail, Edward? There is stuff in here postmarked from a month ago."

"Yeah and if you look at the return address, you will see its junk mail."

"It's from Kensington Gallery in San Francisco. They still contact you?" she asked as she reached for two mugs from the cabinet and filled them both up. This was truly the last thing I wanted to deal with on this particular morning. Hell, even Bella standing in my kitchen would have been a better option than my mother.

"Only because my mother gave them my forwarding address," I replied coldly.

"I see wasted potential in you Edward. You could have done so much more with your life."

"I live the same life as Emmett, mother. Why don't you want him to change his life?" I asked rudely as I stormed past her and into the living room, throwing myself on the couch. "I get that you are disappointed in me and the direction I've taken my life in, but do you really have to come here and berate me about it."

"First of all, Emmett is living the life he was supposed to, Edward. He's married, expecting a child and successful in his career. He doesn't feel unsatisfied and he's definitely not lonely. You, on the other hand, gave up and you haven't even made an attempt to reach your full potential."

"Thanks for the lecture, I'd like my key back now," I exclaimed frustrated as she simply rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch beside me with her coffee clutched in her hand.

"Edward, I just want the best for you. I don't want you to settle." I groaned in aggravation, as she started again with the usual diatribe I was used to; however she had a new spin to it now. "Don't you want to be happy like Emmett and Rosalie or Peter and Bella?" I choked on my coffee as my mother looked at me with concern in her eyes. I knew she had the best of intentions when it came to meddling in my life, but I was tired of the same old song and dance she would give me. "They are moving forward with their lives, while you sit stagnant and unmoving."

"I have a date," I blurted out, as my mind went wild, immediately wishing I had kept my mouth shut.

"With who?"

"The daughter of a client."

"Oh Edward, what have I told you about mixing business with pleasure?"

"Do it as often as possible?" I joked sarcastically as my mother took a sip of her coffee and continued to stare me down.

"I just want you happy. If you think this girl can do that for you, then I'll support you," she replied stoically as I watched her eyes dart back to my mail pile and I knew she was wondering about the letter from the Kensington Gallery. "Why do they write to you?"

"The usual; they want more work. In the last letter I actually opened, they explained that they still had one piece of mine from what I sold them back in 2004. They have interested buyers, but they don't want to part with it unless they can get an agreement from me for more work because they think the sale, which they expect will bring in six figures, will increase interest in my work. Apparently, they just don't get that I'm not painting anymore," I explained as my mother looked at me in surprise.

"Can't you just paint something to appease them? Maybe it will reignite your passion to paint again?"

"It just doesn't work like that. I'm sorry."

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><p><strong>Side Note: I posted a little earlier than usual b<strong>**ecause I found out yesterday that the lovely and talented obsmama recommended this little story over on the lemonade stand, so head on over there tehlemonadestand . blogspot .com and vote. If not for me, then for another awesomely deserving fic like How to Paint a House by Maggie's Gutter. I gave her my vote. I love that story!**

**Also, don't forget to go check out the entries for the Seasons of Discontent contest, for which yours truly is a judge. I've been making my way through the entries and there are some truly fabulous angstfests going on, so read them. You won't regret it.**


	10. Pensive Woman

**Happy Halloween!**

**I adore MaggieMay14 & smmiskimen for their beta help and Acinad816 and Risbee for pre-reading. **

**I don't own Twilight; I do own the new coldplay album. Who's shocked? LOL**

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><p><em>"<strong>You study, you learn, but you guard the original naiveté. It has to be within you, as desire for drink is within the drunkard or love is within the lover." Henri Matisse<strong>_

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**November 2006**

A week after our sleepover, Edward and I had fallen into a comfortable groove. I would attend my classes, lectures and do as much of my work as possible before heading over to his place at four in the afternoon. He would always be free of any other responsibilities at the time, so it was a perfect time for me to sit and pose for him.

Today, however, was far from perfect. I had been in my apartment, putting some finishing touches on a project I had due about Contemporary American Poetry, when there was a sharp knock against my door. I saved the file on my computer and closed it down, making my way tentatively towards the continued knocking.

Once glance through the peephole and my heart sank. "Good afternoon Kebi," I said a little too sweetly as I opened the door and tried to maintain some composure. He looked furious, and was holding a slip of pink paper in his hand. Fuck. This was not a good sign.

"Bella, I've been very patient with you over the past few weeks and I know how difficult it can be to struggle with school and work responsibilities, but it's out of my hands," he said sternly, as he thrust the paper into my hands and I glanced down at the word 'eviction' written across the top. "You have forty eight hours to vacate the apartment. Anything left behind at that point will be thrown out or donated to charity."

"You have got to be kidding me," I yelled, absolutely livid at the fact that I was being evicted. Although if I was being perfectly honest, I knew it was a matter of time.

"I wish I was," he claimed as his eyes flittered around the apartment quickly. "You're close to $2,000 behind in rent and late fees. The owners are refusing any sort of compensation. They just want to get you out and get someone in the apartment who will actually pay for it. There's nothing I can do."

"Come on, Kebi. It's not like I'm a horrible tenant. I'm quiet, neat and rarely around. Just give me a few more days," I begged as tears began to fall and I could feel my heart beat racing a hundred miles a minute.

"I wish I could help kid, but this is out of my hands."

With that, Kebi walked away as I sank to the floor, my head in my hands as the tears flowed freely down my cheeks. This honestly couldn't have come at a worse possible time for me. Life was actually going well, or was doing well anyways. I had good grades in school and was so close to graduating. I had reignited my passion for my poetry and had discovered a newfound love of art. Plus, I had Edward.

Though parts of my life were well in hand, I couldn't help but freak out. What in the fuck was I going to do without a place to live?

I looked around my small apartment, the place I had called home for so long, and began to panic because I had no where to put all of this shit, not that I wanted much of it anyways. I threw myself on the couch and began to plot what I could do.

There was always moving back home with my dad, but that would mean throwing away any plans for finishing my degree and being apart from Edward; neither of which I wanted to do. I could ask Kate if I could stay with her for a bit, but considering how close she and Garrett were, I was sure it was just a matter of time before she moved in with him. Lord knows I couldn't live in my truck, the thing was barely working as it was and I just...it wasn't even a consideration.

Thirty minutes later, I found myself perched outside of Edward's building, sitting on the cold cement waiting for him. I had driven my truck, though I wasn't sure it would make it back to my place based on the noises it was making. My head was buried in my hands, fighting back tears as heard his car pull up. I didn't even bother to move, but I did manage to compose myself as best I could. I wiped the tears away and hoped to god I didn't look like the complete mess I felt like.

When Edward approached, his hands extending to pull me up, I took them easily. I wanted his comfort so much, but I was unwilling to bare my soul and my hardships to the boy I had known for less than three weeks. Instead, I took a deep breath and followed him into his building, eager to pose for him.

"I'm assuming you are ready to start?" I asked, as I walked through his space and noticed an extremely large blank canvas set up on his easel, and his paint brushes and supplies at the ready.

"I'm good to go if you are," he asked with a salacious grin, as I moved behind the screen and began undressing. I grabbed the silk robe, unsure of how Edward wanted me posed, because in all of our sessions previous, I had never been completely nude in the painting. I couldn't help but wonder, amidst all my other thoughts, if this would be the day. "Where do you want me?"

"That's a loaded question, isn't it?" Edward replied with a grin as I gave him a small smile and walked towards the settee. I sat on the edge and watched as Edward pulled off his shirt, revealing a slimmer build, and I wanted to ask if he had been working out or something, but he moved so confidently towards me, I couldn't say anything. How such a beautiful nineteen year old boy could be so shy and quiet one moment and then so creative and confident the next baffled me. "Can you lie down?"

"On my back or stomach?"

"Stomach." I repositioned myself as he had asked, feeling a bit awkward at first.

"Where you want my hands?" I asked as I felt his hands move leisurely along my shoulder, his fingers gripping the silk of the robe and pulling it down. I shivered; Edward licked his lips. Fuck, this was going to be a rough session if he kept this shit up.

"Reach them up onto the arm of the settee." Once again, I followed suit and Edward slipped his hand beneath the robe, untying the sash and pulling it free. "I changed my mind, can you kneel a bit?"

I moaned wantonly as I felt his hand move against my bare back while I moved myself onto my knees, with my hands grabbing onto the arm of the settee in front of me. Edward moved around the settee in what seemed like slow motion, mumbling under his breath as I remained in place and aroused as hell. I could hear him adjusting lighting and flittering about, but when everything grew silent, I became worried. I lifted my head slightly to find Edward behind me motionless.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he growled as I watched him grab at his hair and pull on it roughly. "Fuck."

"What? Am I in the wrong position?" I asked, concerned, as I watched Edward stalk forward again.

"No...fuck no. Not at all." Suddenly, I felt his hand against my lower back, sliding backwards along my ass, until his calloused and paint stained fingers found my slit.

"Oh, Jesus," I groaned as my back arched slightly, giving Edward the encouragement he seemed to seek. The verdict was still out regarding whether my man was a virgin or not, because his fingers were doing such delicious things to me, I assumed he had to be experienced. They slid up and down effortlessly through my wetness, flicking and rubbing at my clit as I heard his labored breaths behind me.

"I've never wanted to do something more than I've wanted this," Edward explained through a moan as I felt his thumb rub against my clit roughly as his index finger slipped inside of me. "Not even painting. I had to touch you, Bella."

"Fuck...please...touch me," I purred as I tightened my grip on the settee and Edward moved his fingers in and out of me quicker, deeper, causing my insides to literally flame with desire. I could hear him move about, never once stopping the stellar finger fuck he was giving me and when I heard his zipper lower, I grew even more aroused. God, I wanted him to fuck me.

I wanted him to ram his cock inside me and make me forget about all the shit that had gone on earlier in the day. I wanted his touch to erase the fact that in less than two days time I would be basically homeless and potentially heading home to Forks, without my degree and without him.

I fought back the tears and tried not to even entertain the possibility of leaving him, and when I looked over my shoulder, I watched as Edward stroked himself before kneeling on the ground behind me.

"Holy fuck", I shouted as I felt his mouth wrap around my clit, sucking on it like a fucking vice as he added a second finger inside me. With one hand he stroked his cock while the other brought me to heights of pleasure that I honestly didn't think I had ever felt before. I could feel my release building, but I desperately wanted him inside me. "Fuck me...please," I begged through clenched teeth as Edward remained silent, except for his moans of pleasure.

I could sense him shift behind me, standing and then rubbing the tip of his cock between soaking wet lips. "Please...god, please fuck me, baby," I choked out as I reached my hand down and began rubbing my own clit furiously.

"Fuck, that is so hot...watching you play with yourself...keep going," Edward urged as I glanced back and saw him continue to fuck his own hand with abandon. I fell over the edge and came screaming as he thrust his fingers back inside me, pushing them as deep inside me as he could.

It was with a groan mere seconds later, that Edward came all over my ass, moaning my name and panting breathlessly. I, however, was left frustrated.

Sure, he had given me one of the best orgasms of my life, but I had wanted him inside me. I wanted that connection with him, because if I couldn't find an answer to my problem soon, it could be the only time we could be together. As Edward stepped back and tucked his cock back inside his jeans, I stood and awkwardly made my way into his bathroom, tears streaming down my face when I didn't want them to.

"Fuck," he shouted as he followed, banging on the door as I locked it behind me and proceeded to clean myself up before sinking to the floor and pulling my knees into me.

Why was it that nothing simple could ever happen to me? Between my parents' divorce, my shit relationship with my mother, and my inability to hold a job or manage my own finances, I was fucking drowning. My head was completely underwater and I couldn't see the surface. I needed him for things to make sense, because nothing ever seemed to.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he urged, his voice sad and pathetic, because he was clearly upset and unsure of what had just gone down. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. Just give me a bit of time," I replied through my sniffles as I heard a thump against the wall behind me. I cleaned up from our escapades and then sat on the edge of the tub, my heart sinking further and further in my chest.

"I'm not leaving until you come out and tell me what I did wrong."

"You did nothing wrong," I cried as I heard his fist bang heavily against the door.

"Bullshit."

Regardless of how I felt about the turmoil in my life, I felt horrible that Edward was currently so conflicted. He really had done nothing wrong other than _not_ fuck me, but he must have had his reasons, and I probably would have had a freak out if he did have sex with me, about something else anyways. It really was a shit situation I had put him in, so I stood up with the robe wrapped loosely around me and opened the door a bit, deciding to open up to him a little bit.

"I got evicted," I said simply, pushing the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand, trying to keep the robe closed with the other. I had no idea where the hell the sash had ended up during out little escapade.

"You have got to be kidding me, right?"

"I wish."

"Come on, let's go to the living room and talk about this." Edward grabbed my hand in his and led me down the hallway. "You had me seriously freaked out."

Edward took me over to the couch to lie down, as he moved back to the kitchen to get me a glass of water. "Do you have anything stronger?"

"Uh...no. I can't exactly buy booze." Edward explained anxiously, before he came back and sat beside me, sweeping me into his arms as he stroked my hair softly. "Why did you...react that way?"

"Right before I came over here, I got the news about my apartment. I felt like shit but I was trying to find a way to solve my problem. Next thing you know, we're enjoying ourselves on the settee and let me just say, you can do that anytime you want, baby," I explained as Edward kissed my temple. "I just wanted more...I wanted to feel so much more with you in that moment. God, I wanted you to fuck me so hard and just make me forget that in two days I could be homeless."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just not..."

"No need to apologize, it was completely my fault. I don't want to pressure you into sex or anything like that."

"So...how did you get evicted, anyways?"

"I didn't pay my rent."

"What happened to the money I gave you for your first sessions?"

"I used half to pay some back rent and then a bit more to pay bills. I've been living on PB&J for the past week since I refuse to pay for groceries."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edward asked, as his finger slipped under my chin and he turned my head to face him. "I owe you at least another thousand for the last few sessions we've had. I'll cut you a check today and we can take it back to your place. Hell, I'll pay the balance of what you owe and you'll be even on your rent."

I rested my head back against his shoulder and breathed him in, his scent relaxing me immediately. "They refuse to do anything. Kebi, the landlord, told me that the owners refuse to accept anything. I've been missing payments for far too long and I owe them over two grand. I don't have a whole lot of friends I can move in with and moving back with my dad isn't an option because then I will have to drop out of school and leave you."

"What about me?"

"What about you?" I asked, confused.

"Well...neither of us wants you to drop out of college and move home, right?" I nodded slowly. "We just found each other and I'm not particularly ready to let you go yet. Plus, you can't live in your car. Do you have anything saved for first and last month's rent of a new place?"

"Edward, I have $7.90 in my bank account right now."

"I'll take that as a no," he said with a small laugh. "So yeah, as I was saying...you could move in here. It would certainly make my painting easier. Anytime we are both free I could paint you. I'd still continue to pay you, of course."

I turned to straddle Edward and looked at him incredulously.

"When did we meet?"

"Three weeks ago, give or take a few days."

"And you want me to move in with you?"

"Sure, why not?" he asked, his youthful excitement clear in his voice and eyes as he stared at me with a grin on his face, his eyes darting down to my chest.

"Can I help pay the rent?" It was the least I could do, even though I was basically giving him back his money, which seemed kind of stupid in retrospect.

"No. There's no rent. I own this place. I bought it with the money I earned from some stuff I sold while I was in high school," Edward replied simply as my eyes grew wide. He didn't even pay rent? Jesus, this kid was ten times more financially responsible than I was. "Where did you think I was getting the money to pay you to model for me?"

"I honestly never thought about it," I answered, as Edward's hands gripped my hips and he pulled me closer to him. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I couldn't feel his hard on trapped between us. It was hard not to move against him when we were trying to have a major, and potentially life changing conversation, especially since I was still desperate to be fucked by him.

"Listen, I get that we're new to this whole dating thing and that it could be hard to live together, but it could also be worth it. It would make finishing my art project easier, plus I wanted to talk to you about modeling more for me...I was thinking of doing an exhibit based on you."

"You what?" I shouted, as Edward froze beneath me. He wanted to continue to paint me and work an exhibit around it? Was he insane? "That's just...nuts. No one wants to see pictures of me."

"That's where you are wrong." Edward kissed me swiftly on the lips before continuing. I could taste myself on his lips, and swept my tongue across my upper lip as Edward groaned. "I took a few photos of the pieces I finished, the first two we did together, and showed them to my advisor who loved them. He was actually the one who suggested the show, and I happen to think it's a great idea. Unless of course you don't like posing for me anymore."

Edward winked at me and I couldn't help my reaction, which was to grab his face in my hands and kiss him roughly on the lips. His hands threaded through my hair and pulled me closer to him as my body finally relented and I moved my hips against him, desperate for the friction between us.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked, panting breathlessly when we pulled apart. However, from the grin plastered on Edward's face, I could tell the question was moot. He was in this, but was I?

"I'm positive, but you can think about it. I mean...how long did you say you had until you had to vacate?"

"Forty-eight hours."

"Well...I guess you should think about it tonight huh?" Edward remarked with a sly grin as I kissed him once more and I ground my bare pussy against his denim covered cock. "I think you should behave, baby. In the meantime, get back into position and drop the robe completely. I need to paint you."

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><p><strong>Just a little heads up for my lovely readers. I'm taking on some side jobs so I may be a bit slower on the chapters. <strong>

**I'm also a judge in the Season of Our Discontent contest. The entries have been coming in fast and furious. If you like angst, check out the contest.**

**Also, because I'm glutton for punishment, helping the girls with the TwiFic Meetup happening at the Monte Carlo Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas in June 2012. For more details, check us out at twificmeetup . blogspot . com. We've got over 130 people attending as of right now, but we are trying out best to get the word out. You know you wanna come!**


	11. Absinthe Drinker

**I adore MaggieMay14 & smmiskimen for their beta help and Acinad816 and Risbee for pre-reading. **

**I don't own Twilight; I do own a Breaking Dawn movie cup already.**

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><p><em>"<strong>Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things." Edgar Degas<br>**_

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**November 2011  
><strong>

I walked into Vintage just after seven on Saturday night and I felt beyond anxious. My palms were sweaty, I was incredibly warm and my hair was sticking up all over the place from all the tugging I had done to it. Bad habits die hard I suppose. Emmett tried to get me to stop abusing my scalp years ago, and I couldn't help it. The action calmed me for some unknown reason and I wasn't about to stop now.

As my eyes slowly moved about the restaurant looking for Bella; I had an overwhelming urge to leave, not unlike she had done to me several years earlier.

Yeah, it would be callous and downright rude, but at this point, I just didn't care. I wanted the night over and I wanted Bella out of my life. She was with Peter, regardless of what she claimed she wanted, and I wanted nothing to do with either of them. At least, I wanted nothing to do with Bella while she was with him.

I was being harsh, but I didn't care. I went through a lot of shit after she left me and I would be damned if I was stupid enough to let it happen again. Plus, Emmett would kick my ass if I went backwards in my progress, I was sure of it.

I steeled my nerves and finally set my eyes on Bella, who was sitting at the bar looking much too good for a dinner out with her fiancé's cousin. She looked like she was going out on a date, so before I flew off the handle at her for assuming something was going on, when it wasn't, I reminded myself that Vintage had a dress code and figured that was the reason she was dressed up. I didn't want Bella to think that this was something more than it was. As far as I was concerned, the quicker I got the dinner over with it, the happier I would be. Hell, if we could get everything over after the first drink, I would be good to go.

"Edward," Bella said as she approached me and opened her arms as though she was going to give me a hug. I froze and she sensed my hesitance and lowered her arms with a small frown on her face. In the past, I hated the mere thought of her being upset, but at that moment, I felt very little.

"Do we have a table reserved?" I asked coldly, as I looked anywhere but directly at Bella.

"Yeah, I have reservations. I'll just let the hostess know," she said timidly as she slipped past me and headed towards the front of the restaurant. I stared at the door once more, contemplating my escape, but I decided against it. I could hear Emmett's voice in my head insisting that I take the chance to get the answers I needed to know.

Where did she go?

Why did she leave?

Did I do something?

Did I not love her enough?

I didn't know where to start I had so many questions I wanted answers to. Bella called out my name, pulling me from my thoughts, and I followed her down the aisle to our table. After sitting, and with our menus perched in front of us, Bella and I looked at each other awkwardly.

"Thanks, for agreeing to meet with me…again."

"You can blame my brother for that. He was the one who agreed to come, not me."

"Oh…" Bella looked down at her menu and opened it quickly, using it to cover up her face. I reached my hand up and pushed the menu down until I could see that Bella's eyes were rimmed with red. Fuck.

"Let's start over…for tonight. You look good," I replied simply. "How about we order and get that shit out of the way." Bella nodded her head and we both looked over our menus silently until our waitress appeared a few awkward minutes later and we finally ordered.

"Your mom has been a big help in finding a new house," Bella explained, clearly wanting to change the topic.

"She's good at what she does," I mused, thinking about all the late hours my mother would spend cultivating her career when I was growing up. My father was really the one who encouraged my art, but my mother certainly encouraged the sale of my art – at the highest price. She felt the same way about selling a home that she did about my art – sell it to the highest bidder. It was probably the only reason why she mentioned the gallery the other day.

"I've noticed that. I um…I also met Rosalie the other day." I looked at Bella with a weird expression on my face as she tore at the cocktail napkin in front of her. "Your mother was taking me to lunch between seeing two houses and we ran into Rosalie. She was…interesting."

"Let me guess, she threatened you somehow?" I asked, curiously. Rosalie was a mother bear at her finest. She was particularly possessive of Emmett and I, and I could only imagine how it would be once she and Emmett finally had a child. I would hate to be anyone that wronged her family – which was exactly the situation Bella was in.

"Well…yeah, but she was really nice in the presence of your mother."

"That sounds like Rose."

"I know she meant well, but talking to her was certainly enlightening. When your mother went to the washroom, she was a little blunter with me."

"Oh really?"

"She, in no uncertain terms, let me know how tough things were for you after I left," Bella admitted as our waitress set our drinks down and I quickly took a big gulp of mine. I was beginning to find myself furious with Rosalie for sticking her nose in where it didn't belong. My past was not her story to tell. "Don't be mad at Rosalie. I maybe instigated her a bit to get information."

"You could have asked me."

"Would you have been honest and told me?" Bella questioned, quirking her eyebrow at me.

"No, probably not."

"She was frank with me and told me how you fell apart and got involved with some shady people from your art program. Rose also filled me in on how Emmett basically took care of you for those first few months and that since they are trying to have a child, she doesn't want to see the same thing happen." I groaned, thinking again about Irina and the trouble I had gotten into thanks to my association with her. She was right though, Emmett had been my rock. I couldn't even bear to think about what would have happened to me if I hadn't had him around. "I think Rosalie is just worried about you. She doesn't want me in your life because she doesn't want a repeat of what happened last time."

"Finally, Rosalie and I agree on something," I replied through clenched teeth as Bella looked at me with wide eyes. "Bella, it's taken me a while to get over you and past what happened between us. You have to admit, it's stupid of me to want to revisit that."

"I get that, I do…I just…I think if we could talk about what went on in my life back then…maybe…"

"Listen, I know you want to have this big talk and tell me everything that had gone on over the past few years or whatever, thinking that your explanation will justify the fact that you left me without a word and never once answered any of the ten million calls I made to your cell phone, but, I'm not sure it will."

"Edward…"

"No, let me finish. Five years ago, my life completely revolved around you and my art. Though I'm sure some people would have deemed it unhealthy, I didn't care. I wanted you in my bed and my heart, and I wanted to be successful with my art. Then you left, and all of my art reminded me of you, so I lashed out. I ruined the paintings I was supposed to be putting in the show. Fuck, some say I ruined my life and my potential, but I didn't care."

"I'm sorry." I nodded my head slowly, because I could tell from the remorseful look on her face that she was sincere, but I couldn't fall into any trap. I needed to know why she left.

"I'm sure you are sorry, Bella. However, it doesn't erase the fact that you up and left me with no explanation whatsoever. I'm really hoping that you can explain everything to me so that we can move on…on our own."

Bella took a huge drink from her white wine and looked down as she sat it back on the table. She was about to say something when her mouth fell open and she turned white as a ghost.

"Isabella, what on earth are you doing here?" I heard Peter's distinctive voice ask as I turned and watched him stalk towards our table. Fuck, this wasn't good.

"What are you doing here, Peter?" Bella asked as she stood up and gave him a very awkward hug while his dark eyes glanced down upon me, clearly furious that I was having dinner with his fiancée. Peter would not take this lightly, though he had a tendency to kill people with kindness before stabbing them in the back.

"Imagine my surprise when I came back early from Chicago to find our hotel room empty. Luckily, the doorman remembered that that he hailed you a cab here, but he didn't mention you going with a guest." Peter urged Bella to sit back down and he grabbed a nearby chair and sat close beside her, leaving virtually no room for her to breath.

"Bella and I ran into each other while waiting for dinner," I lied, as I saw Bella give me a small smile of gratitude. Peter's eyes were trained on me while his arm remained possessively draped over Bella's shoulder. "I figured since she was your fiancée, you would probably prefer if she had dinner with your cousin than by herself. I was trying to be…"

"Hospitable?" Peter asked through clenched teeth.

"Sure. My mother raised me to always be kind to women, especially family," I grinned as Peter shook his head briefly and then raised his hand, motioning for a waitress to join us. Clearly he planned to have everyone at his beck and call…as per usual.

"I'm so sorry," I saw Bella mouth to me as I gave her a tiny smile and nodded. When the waitress came over and took Peter's order, I asked her to bring me another drink and box up my dinner up to go. There was no way I wanted to stay and deal with this train wreck for too long. Unfortunately, Peter thought otherwise.

"Come on, Edward. Join us for dinner or is this like a thing with you? You can't be bothered to stay and enjoy a main course with your family?" Peter questioned, his voice teeming with anger.

"I was planning to get my dinner to go when I first arrived, but I thought Bella would appreciate the company," I lied easily. "Now that you are here, I'm redundant, don't you think?"

"Hardly," Peter replied snidely. "It's been so long since I've touched base with you. I thought it would be nice if I seized the opportunity to find out what you have been doing since you graduated high school. Aunt Esme told me you were in art school. Did you graduate?"

"Nope, I dropped out," I answered as I took a sip of my drink, finishing it.

"I can't say I'm surprised. You never did have the ambition that Emmett did. That is why his career is so successful and he's built himself a nice life, even if Rosalie is a bit like a bull in a china shop." I bristled at his description of Rosalie, knowing full well he had only met her on one occasion and she loathed him for his attitude towards Emmett and me.

"I met Rosalie the other day," Bella added softly as Peter looked down at her, surprised that she had said anything. "Esme and I ran into her between house showings. She was very nice."

Peter huffed and yanked his drink off the servers' tray the moment she arrived at the table. "I think I know Rosalie a little bit better than you do, Isabella."

"I know her better than both of you do, since she's my close friend and sister-in-law. I also don't think she would appreciate us discussing her."

"Fine. She's Emmett's problem anyways. I don't know what the hell he was thinking when he married her," Peter declared, his voice clearly disgusted. "She's much too independent for my taste."

"And what is your taste?" I asked Peter, dying to know more about the dynamic between him and Bella. It was so odd how she just sat back around him and wasn't anything like the woman I knew. Almost like she was subservient to him. Oh god, I hope they didn't have some kinky shit going on like that.

"I'm sitting beside her. Isabella embodies everything I've ever looked for in a woman. I couldn't have gotten any luckier than I did when she agreed to be my wife," Peter stated firmly as he tightened his grip on Bella, who was attempting to sip her drink and ended up spilling some on herself. "Fuck Isabella. How can you be so clumsy? Go clean up in the washroom."

Bella nodded softly and stood up, tears forming in her eyes, as she practically ran to the bathroom. "You can be such a douchebag, do you know that? She spilled a bit of wine, that was all."

"Edward, Isabella knows how I am and she accepts it. Hell, she appreciates it. If I wasn't telling her what to do most days, she would be lost." Peter grinned salaciously at me and I immediately tensed up. "Though she is a passionate woman, particularly in the bedroom, she needs to know that my word is law."

I fought back the cringe when Peter mentioned Bella in his bedroom and countered his sexist ways. "You do realize this isn't early mankind right? You sound like a fucking caveman about ready to bash her over the head and drag her back to your cave."

"I'm a very busy and important person, Edward. My life is structured and Isabella realizes this. She worked with me so she saw firsthand the late hours I would keep and she could appreciate my need to fuck at eleven at night or four in the morning. She is there for _my_ every whim and desire. This means whenever, wherever, with whomever or whatever I want."

I didn't even want to consider the true meaning behind his sentence, because he implied clearly that Bella was basically used by him sexually. She was hardly his equal in their relationship and the thought that he might share her with others made me want to throw up on his lap. Why the fuck was she so complacent with everything and how could he consider this to be appropriate?

I was about to yell at him for his attitude and behavior when Bella sat back down beside Peter and he leaned over to whisper in her ear, causing her to blush. Fuck.

"So, Edward…where were we?" Peter asked simply. "Oh yes…women. Are you seeing anyone?"

"No, not at the moment," I replied, my mind thinking about Leah briefly.

"I saw that hesitation that means you are dating someone. Well, maybe date is too specific of a term. You must have ladies all over your dick, right?"

"Peter, this is hardly appropriate," Bella implored, looking completely mortified, as Peter glared at her and she became quiet again.

"No. There is no one."

"You're not gay, are you?" he asked, his voice snide and accusing.

"No Peter…I'm not gay either." I looked Bella right in the eye as I spoke my next words. "I dated a girl back in college and she broke my heart. After she disappeared, my life took a downward spiral, which was why I dropped out of college. I started hanging out with some bad people and spent way too much time using random drugs and abusing my body. Emmett kicked some sense into me, which is why I work for him. I owe him my life."

Bella looked at me in surprise, clearly unaware of my issues with drugs, but Peter just looked disappointed. Thankfully, the waitress arrived at that moment with my dinner all boxed up, just like I had asked.

"Thanks for the insightful conversation," I declared as I grabbed my dinner box and stood up. Though I had come to the dinner at the insistence of Emmett and to get answers, I realized that I didn't need them. Bella wasn't the girl I had been in love with and she thought she deserved Peter; she had to dig herself out of the hole she was in, like I had done with my life years earlier.

"You're leaving?" Peter questioned rudely.

"Yeah, I've had enough of your bullshit and her complacence. Good luck, Bella. You deserve better." With that I walked out of the restaurant with my head held high and my pasta in my hands.

I was ready to move on with my life.

**Have you checked out the entries in the 'Season of our Discontent' contest yet? I'm on the judges and I've been loving the entrie and the angst.**

**You need a story rec? For smut, check out Hedone Ranch by JenJadeEyes**. **For an interesting twist on Vamp, check out Glimmer Darkly by Rochelle Allison, and if you want some romance check out Starry Eyed Inside also by Rochelle Allison. I'm a little behind in reading her stuff, but I'm falling for everything she's written. So if you haven't had a chance, check her out.**

**Also, I'm part of the planning committee for the TwiFic Meetup being held in Las Vegas in June 2012. Find us on twitter at twificmeetup or on Facebook as TwiFic Meetup to get details and info. We have over 130 people attending, which included authors, designers, bloggers and readers. You know you wanna come... it'll be like the Hangover, without Mike Tyson LOL  
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	12. The Couple

**I adore MaggieMay14 & smmiskimen for their beta help and Acinad816 and Risbee for pre-reading. **

**I don't own Twilight; I am going with MaggieMay to see BD on Thursday night.  
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><p><em>"<strong>Some say they see poetry in my paintings; I see only science." Georges Seurat<br>**_

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**November 2006  
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"Did you leave the sink behind?" Edward asked from behind the wall of boxes that filled his living room of the loft. Sure, there were still art supplies and canvases all over the place, but when you combined that with my stuff, it looked like a bomb went off.

"Hardy-har-har," I replied with a roll of my eyes as I opened another box of clothes and hauled it into the bedroom. With the help of Edward, I managed to get all of the stuff I wanted to take with me out of the apartment before my forty-eight hours were up. Sure, the apartment wasn't exactly clean when we left and there were a few larger pieces of furniture that I left behind, but I got everything I truly needed.

I had probably taken a little longer than I should have to decide whether or not to move in with Edward, but in the end everything seemed to be working out for the best. Though considering I wasn't exactly going through my boxes quickly and they were scattered throughout the loft, I couldn't help but feel like Edward was going to reconsider his offer to let me stay. After all, he couldn't really paint until I got most of my stuff squared away.

Edward had a spare room, but it was filled with his supplies and canvases, so even though I tried to get him to let me stay there, he told me I would basically be sleeping in his bed every night anyway, so having my stuff in the other room would be a moot point.

I hated when he was right.

I dropped the box onto the bed and began unpacking things into the closet or the dresser, where Edward had made ample room for my clothes. With each item put away I couldn't help the smile that came across my face. Edward walked in a moment later with another box and dropped it beside mine on the bed. "More clothes," he declared with a kiss to my temple as he walked away.

For the next two hours I tried to get as much stuff put away as I could with Edward's help, but I could tell he was getting antsy; Edward needed to paint.

It had been almost three days since I last posed for him and I was slowly getting used to the 'tells' he had for when he needed to paint. Right now he was pacing, that was a dead giveaway. If he cursed or seemed aggravated, which was usual for Edward, then he was about to reach his breaking point.

"Jesus fuck, Bella…where in the hell am I going to put all these books?" he asked as he dropped a box in the spare room with a loud thud. "Did you buy out the local Barnes and Noble when it closed?"

"Yeah, with the money tree in backyard," I replied sarcastically as Edward came in behind me and swatted me on my ass.

"Smartass."

"You like my ass," I answered playfully with a wiggle of my hips as Edward gripped his hands on waist and held me still, his hips pressing against me.

"Mmmm…I do love your ass, baby," he said with a kiss to my neck as I shuddered slightly. "I'd love to see that ass…so I could paint it."

Luckily for Edward, I couldn't deny him anything. I agreed to pose for him provided he gave me five minutes to finish putting the last box away. I loved the genuine smile that crossed his face as he kissed me quickly and then darted out of the room to get his supplies in place. Once I closed the drawer, the last box of clothes emptied into its new home, I determined that since we lived together and were dating, there was no reason for me to try and seem like a prude, so I stripped out of my clothes and made my way into the living room.

"Bella…are you ready?" Edward called out as he turned around and found me standing at the entrance to the hallway in nothing but my birthday suit. "Fuck me…are you ever ready."

"Where do you want me, baby?" I asked as I walked with a sashay towards the settee, but was caught off guard to see a single black stool against a white sheet backdrop. "I'm guessing it's not in my usual spot huh?"

"Well, right now I wouldn't mind you on our bed." Edward laughed as he came up behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around my midsection, peppering soft kisses along my shoulder and neck. His hips moved roughly against my ass as I felt his hardened cock beneath the fabric of his pants. Though part of me wanted to bend over and let him take me, the fear of leaving him that I had last time now gone, I knew that it wasn't the right time.

"You need to paint."

"Don't remind me, Edward." I squirmed out of his grasp and made my way over to the stool as Edward let out a huge sigh. "Okay, sit on the stool, legs spread and your feet resting on the rungs beneath you."

I did as he asked, but Edward wasn't completely satisfied, because within seconds he was repositioning me until I was in place properly. "This won't be comfortable for a 2 hour session, you know."

"I know, babe," he said with a small grin. "I'm going to snap a few photos once I have you in place. Then I can work on the painting while you are sleeping or in class." I nodded slowly as Edward positioned my hair to fall over one shoulder, his fingers ghosting down my arm slowly as he went. He reached to a nearby table and grabbed a large swatch of pink silk and handed it to me, asking me to hold it between my legs. I don't know if he was aiming for some sort of symbolism perhaps, but I felt odd and decided that even though Edward most likely had a vision in mind for the painting, I wasn't comfortable with it.

"What's the point of the fabric?"

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, his voice confused as he went towards the table by his canvas.

"I mean…does it have a point? Are you trying to convey something in the painting by having me hold it?" Edward grabbed his camera and took a few quick pictures of me with the fabric between my legs. " Or are you purposely trying to cover me up?"

"No," Edward stated vehemently as I stared him down and he gave me a small frown. "Fine, yes…I want most of you covered up." This kind of pissed me off. A few hours into living together and we were already having issues separating our personal relationship from our business one. I was frustrated and let Edward know it.

"If I wasn't your girl, but rather just a paid model, would you have me hold this fabric between my legs?" Edward shook his head and I dropped the fabric to the floor. "We're painting now…I'm the model, it's best for your art if you remember this."

"I hate it when you are right."

"The feeling is mutual," I replied as Edward snapped a few more pictures of me without the fabric and then stepped back to his canvas to begin painting. I couldn't help but feel a sigh of relief course through my body knowing that Edward wasn't holding back anymore. I could understand where he was coming from, being that we were in a relationship, but he couldn't sacrifice his art for me – I wouldn't let him.

The first hour of our session went by effortlessly, with a bit of flirty banter between us, but it stopped the moment my cell phone began ringing on the coffee table.

"Do you want me to get that?" Edward moved towards the phone and glanced down at the screen. "It's your mom."

"Don't answer it," I said stoically as I tried to remain focused on my position while my mind began wondering why the hell she was calling so soon after our last conversation. She had done her job for her beloved Marcus and confirmed that I wasn't dead, so I couldn't figure out why she was trying to get in touch with me again.

Edward stood in front of his canvas watching me as the phone finished ringing. He put his brush onto the canvas again and I felt my body relax knowing that we were going to paint again. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

"So…tell me about your mom," Edward said quietly as I tensed all over again. "Why do you hate her so much?"

"She left my dad and they got divorced," I admitted reluctantly as I saw Edward move from behind the canvas to look at me again.

"A lot of parents get divorced, Bella. It doesn't mean you should hate her."

"Edward, my mother is as selfish as they come. She left my father only once I had moved out and gone to college, because she wanted me to have a proper upbringing with two parents who loved each other. Only she never really loved my dad and stayed until she found someone better."

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely as I shook my head slowly.

"It's not your fault."

"I know, but I can still be upset that she put you in such a shitty situation."

"I just don't get why she would stay with my father, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, Bella," he replied, stroking my hair softly, soothing me.

"He could have moved on by now, maybe even dated or married someone else. Hell, I could have had a half brother or sister, but she was too selfish. I find it revolting that she thought that staying with my father, who she didn't love, was for my benefit."

"It wasn't. You're right."

"I'm trying so hard not to be my mother, you know?" I explained as I watched Edward nod his head. "Because she couldn't be bothered to admit to my father she didn't love him, he spent the next twenty years building his life around her. He could have found someone else and been happy with his life, but now he's just…he's not the same man he was. My mother, meanwhile, is living in a luxury mansion in Chicago with her new lawyer husband, Marcus. She showers me with money and phone calls when it's convenient for her to be in my life. I hate her for ruining my fathers' life and not giving him, or us, a chance at a better life."

Edward closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me tightly as I cried gently into his shoulder. "You deserve so much better than her."

I nodded softly against him as he kissed my temple and pulled back from me, wiping my tears with his paint covered hands. Edward began to laugh softly and I looked at him confused.

"I just got brown paint under your eyes."

"It doesn't matter," I replied as I moved closer to Edward, pressing myself against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged tightly. I felt at ease and cared for, something I hadn't felt for a very long time. I felt Edward move back from me slightly and disappointment coursed through me, until he leaned forward and cupped my face, kissing me tenderly. God his lips felt so fucking soft.

I lifted my hands to his biceps and then dragged them up his arms to his hair, pulling him down to me in an attempt to deepen the kiss. Edward's hands slipped from my face, down my sides to my hips, which he held at a distance from his body for a brief moment. I knew there was no way he would be able to resist the fact that I was completely naked and clearly wanting.

I hitched my leg up to his hip and his hand slipped up the back of my thigh, so close to the promise land. "Be-lla," Edward groaned as I sucked his bottom lip between my teeth and continued to kiss him desperately. I could sense the hesitation from him and it was the last thing I wanted.

Fuck, I needed this connection with him.

"Take me to our bed," I urged as I kissed my way down his face to his neck, listening to him groan in arousal. "I want to be yours in every sense of the word."

Edward practically growled in response and before I could try and convince him again, he had turned me around, my back pressed up against the nearest wall as he kissed, nibbled and sucked his way from my lips to my chest. My entire body was on fire, my skin flush with desire, as Edward's hands lifted my leg up onto his hip once more and he forced his erection where I wanted him the most.

"You are the most beautiful woman…"

With one hand gripping my hip, the other slipped down between our bodies and he could feel just how excited I was.

"You deserve the moon and the stars. You should be read poetry in bed while I worship every soft, luscious inch of your body." Edward's declarations did nothing to quench the fire that was building inside of me; if anything, it made it worse. "Your body is the most tempting canvas, baby."

"Paint me," I replied, a hint of anxiety to my voice as I watched Edward slip his fingers into some blue paint on the table beside us and then drag them between my breasts, leaving a trail behind.

"What is your favorite erotic poem?" Edward asked me as his fingers slid around to cup my ass, leaving more paint behind in their wake.

"Carnal apple, Woman filled, burning moon by Neruda," I replied breathily as Edward's lips kissed me softly, his hands covering my breasts, the blue paint feeling cool against my overheated skin.

"Do you know it?" I nodded. "Recite it for me."

"Carnal apple, Woman filled, burning moon," I repeated the first line of the poem as Edward's fingers danced lightly against my sides, causing me to shudder in anticipation. "Dark smell of seaweed, crush of mud and light. What secret knowledge is clasped between your pillars?"

"Mmmm…." Edward moaned as he kneeled before me and spread my legs apart, his fingers moving against my inner thighs. After a moment of exploring, Edward's hands, which seemed to have very little paint left on them, lifted one of my legs onto his shoulder, opening me up even more for him. "You smell delicious and I know you taste heavenly. Keep reciting the poem, Bella."

"What primal night does man touch with his senses?"

Edward slipped two fingers between my slick lips and moved his fingers to my clit, rubbing it in gentle circles. I couldn't help but thread my fingers through his hair and hold on, trying not to yank out his hair.

"Ay, Love is a journey through waters and stars, through suffocating air, sharp tempests of grain. Love is a war of ligh… lightning," I stuttered as I felt Edward's tongue tentatively lap at the wetness between my legs.

Though Edward was less experienced than I was, he certainly wasn't lacking. He was eager and attentive, something other lovers hadn't been. Breath moans fell from my mouth, causing me to forget the poetry when I looked down and saw Edward shed his inhibitions and begin ravishing my pussy with his mouth.

"Don't stop."

"And two bodies…oh god…ruined by a single sweetness," I stated as one of my hands flew out and gripped the edge of the table to my left, needing the support. "Kiss by kiss I cover your tiny infinity." I gasped as I felt Edward kiss my clit over and over again before tugging the sensitive nub between his teeth, nibbling roughly as I moaned loudly, my arousal rising with each touch from him.

"Your margins, your rivers, your diminutive villages and a…oh god...genital fire, transformed by de…light," I moaned as Edward slipped two fingers inside of me and began pushing and pulling, his movements making loud noises from the overwhelming amount of arousal coating his fingers.

"Keep going, beautiful," Edward urged before he leaned his face back towards my pussy, his tongue flicking my clit repeatedly as I struggled to remain upright, let alone to recount poetry.

"Ah, fuck," I cursed as I felt Edward bite down around my clit and I knew he was serious about me continuing. However, I wasn't sure I could get the rest of the poem out without release, so I hurried my way through it. "Slips through the narrow channels of blood, to precipitate a nocturnal carnation…oh god…"

Edward's fingers pushed deeper, stroked harder and his lips remained wrapped around my clit as I felt my body begin to shake in ecstasy.

"To be, and be nothing…but light in the dark," I shouted as my body clamped down around his fingers and I screamed out in the most overwhelming orgasm I had ever had.

I felt boneless.

As I struggled to catch my breath, Edward released my leg and helped me stand on both feet again, before sucking his fingers into his mouth, tasting myself like his life depended on it. A moment later, a small laugh bubbling up from inside of him as I crashed to the floor in front of him, completely spent.

"The sexiest and most erotic thing I have ever seen in my life is you as you come," Edward said genuinely as he pulled me towards him, wrapping his strong arms around me as I rested my head on his chest. "If I could see that face, as you scream out in pleasure, for the rest of my days, I would be the happiest man on earth."

"For the rest of our days, Edward."

**A/N: Additional little notes here for you. If you are interested in seeing BD:1 in Toronto, Canada with some fellow fanfic friends, we've got a group going on FB. I'm also helping to organize the TwiFic Meetup in Vegas in June 2012. You can find us at twificmeetup . blogspot . com. And finally... do you enjoy angst? Check out the Season of Our Discontent contest. Lots of awesome stories; I should know, I'm a judge!**


	13. Je T'aime

**I adore MaggieMay14 & smmiskimen for their beta help and Acinad816 and Risbee for pre-reading. **

**Today is the last day for you to bid on me in the Fandom Gives Back Auctions. I'm willing to write almost anything, 10k maximum, but no slash. It makes me giggle. I've also got the first chapter of my new story included in the FGB compilation, so $5 will get you that too. Visit www . thefandomgivesback . com to bid or for more information.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

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><p><em>"<strong>It may be that the deep necessity of art is the examination of self-deception." Robert Motherwell<strong>_

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><p><strong>EPOV <strong>

**November 2011**

When I left the restaurant on Saturday night, I hightailed it over to Emmett and Rosalie's apartment, not even bothering to call them in advance. Emmett had forced me into the dinner in the first place, so I didn't care what he was doing, I needed to talk to him.

It wasn't overly late, just after 9:30, when I knocked sharply on his door until it opened, leaving me face to face with a furious looking Rosalie. Luckily for me, when she took in my appearance, she was quick to welcome me.

"What's going on?"

"Your idiot husband made me go out to dinner with Bella tonight," I admitted as I tossed the food box onto the counter and threw myself onto a plush armchair with a thud. "It was an even bigger disaster than our dinner with the family."

"I didn't know that was possible," Rosalie mused as she sat on the couch and looked at me with sympathy. "From what Emmett tells of it, Bella was basically a robot, your mother couldn't stop gushing about Peter and you drank your weight in liquor. Sounds like a fun evening for all. When are you guys scheduled for an appearance on Dr. Phil?"

"Very funny," I replied snidely as Rosalie shot me a humorous glance just as Emmett walked into the room. "You suck."

"So my wife has told me," he replied as he went to the kitchen and looked at what I had brought. "Leftovers? Can I?"

"Go ahead; I couldn't be bothered to eat."

"Was it that bad? What did she have to say?" Emmett questioned as he grabbed a fork and began to shovel my dinner into his mouth with abandon. How did he always have such a huge appetite? Then again, based on how easy going he and Rosalie were being, I wasn't sure I wanted to know how he had worked up his appetite.

"Well, it started out awkward, like I expected. We talked about random shit and she mentioned meeting you, Rosie."

"Yeah, I was worried she would mention me when Em said you guys were doing dinner. For the record, I was against the dinner. If I had a chance, I would have talked some sense into my husband before he forced you into it," Rosalie said sincerely as I nodded my head at her in understanding. "She didn't say I was mean to her did she? I wanted to put the fear of god into her, not make her pee herself or something."

"She was fine, actually. She got where you were coming from, with the overprotective thing, so she's not mad at you. Anyways, we were finally starting to discuss things and get to the heart of the matter when… "

"She professed her undying love for you?" Emmett asked with a mouthful of pasta.

"No… Peter fucking showed up."

"I thought he was out of town?" Rosalie asked curiously as I shook my head, still frustrated with him showing up and ruining my chances of knowing the truth about Bella's disappearance. Though I was ready to move past everything, I was certain that not knowing would gnaw at me in the future. I couldn't let it ruin my life though.

"Nope. He came back early and the doorman told him that he hailed Bella a cab to Vintage, so he showed up. Needless to say, I had to lie through my teeth about why Bella and I were having dinner. He then proceeded to be an asshole and when Bella spilled her drink, he forced her to go to the bathroom and clean up," I said, the anger rolling off me as I thought again about the things he had implied. "He is scum and I wish I knew why she was with him."

"This girl certainly leaves us all with a lot of questions, doesn't she?" Emmett asked as he finished my dinner and sat down beside his wife. "Peter is an ass, that's clear. I don't get why Bella is with him either, especially since he treats her like complete shit. But really, what can we do about it?"

"Didn't she tell you she wanted to leave him?" Rosalie questioned as she looked at me intently. I nodded, wanting to know what she was getting at. "Well, maybe if she had some options, leaving would be easier for her. I mean, I don't support the girl, but I also don't think anyone deserves to get the treatment Peter gives her."

"And what do you propose I do?"

"Well, you do have a loft sitting unused that she could move into. Plus Em, didn't you say you need someone to replace Candace the receptionist when she goes on Maternity Leave next month? It's not much, but it's a start at a new life for her."

"Why are you being so nice?" Emmett wondered, as he stared at his wife with uncertainty.

"Let's just say, if I was in her shoes, I would want your help. Even if I had done you wrong, I would do anything I could to get out of the situation I was in."

"But that's just it…why does she keep going house hunting with Mom?" I questioned as Rosalie smiled knowingly.

"She has seen over two dozen houses, Edward. Perhaps she's just refusing to make a decision or doesn't give a shit since she wants to leave him anyways. I think she's just delaying the inevitable."

"So…what do you suggest I do?" I asked of Emmett and Rosalie. They had always been nothing but brutally honest with me and I needed their support more than anything at that moment. "Do I volunteer to help her or turn a blind eye?"

"What do you want to do, Edward?" Emmett asked casually. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at my brother and his wife intently.

"I have no idea."

"Well, think about it. You don't owe her anything, so you don't need to help her. I'd just like to think that you would help someone in need, no matter who it is," Rosalie said sweetly as I ran my hands through my hair and tugged relentlessly until Emmett stood up and smacked my hand away.

"You don't have to make a decision today."

Emmett was right; I didn't have to decide at that moment. However, I had no idea just how soon I would need to decide.

Wednesday night I found myself standing outside the Seattle Art Gallery waiting impatiently for Leah. I bite the bullet on Sunday afternoon and texted her that I was free. I needed to get out of my apartment and do something different; a movie with Leah was exactly that. I was tired of being inside my head and trying to determine what to do about Bella.

I hadn't yet made a decision about Bella and whether or not I was going to help her, but I had heard from my mother that she and Peter were close to deciding on a house. This just made me wonder if she was serious about leaving him or not.

I didn't want to offer to help Bella only to have her laugh in my face. Not that I thought she would, but I didn't really want to take a chance of being burned again. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me. I just wished I could make a decision.

"Hey," Leah said sweetly as she approached with a big smile on her face. She was certainly a beautiful woman, very much someone I could be interested in, but I knew in my heart of hearts I wasn't ready for that next step yet. "I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"No, just a few minutes."

"Good, I got held up at the gallery with a temperamental artist. You know how it is," she said with a laugh as I nodded softly. I knew all too well how intense artists could be, after all I used to be one of them. I liked to think that in my day I had been somewhat more reserved than other artists, but I probably wasn't.

"I already got us tickets," I said casually as Leah smiled her usual sweet smile. "I hope you didn't mind. I just didn't want it to be sold out."

"No…that's fine," she replied as I motioned with my hand for her to head into the gallery. I handed our tickets to the teenage girl at the front desk and she told us where to go for the movie. Leah and I both rolled our eyes since we knew the gallery like the back of our hand. We walked side by side down towards the theatre and after finding seats in the back row, we both sat back and stared at the screen.

"I hope this doesn't get weird now."

"Why would it get weird?" I asked, curious.

"You bought our tickets and I know you said we were doing this as friends, but now it seems more like a date," Leah admitted with a small shrug. "Not that I wouldn't date you, I totally would because you are adorable, sweet and all sorts of hot, but you don't seem ready for that. I'm talking too much, aren't I?"

"Just a little bit," I said with a laugh as two women sat in front of us, making it a little more difficult to talk. "Don't worry about the tickets. You can buy them next time, alright?"

"You already want there to be a next time?" Leah's eyes were wide and she had a pretty smile gracing her face. Why couldn't I find myself more attracted to her? I should become a monk.

"Do you talk during movies?"

"No."

"Do you hog all the popcorn?"

"I'm not a big fan, so no."

"And do you agree to go out for coffee with me after the movie?"

"Sure," Leah said with a hint of enthusiasm.

"Good, then yeah…we could do this again. You seem to meet all my criteria," I stated with a laugh as Leah looked me in surprise. "What's wrong?"

"You are just so contradictory," she stated with a small smile, no doubt thinking she had insulted me in some way. "Don't take it the wrong way, but one minute you are joking with me like you just did and the next I see a far off look in your face and I wonder why you are even out with me. You got that look at dinner the other night."

"I'm sorry," I stated remorsefully as Leah reached her hand over and gripped my knee.

"Don't be sorry, Edward. I just want you to be yourself with me, regardless of whether you think I will like that person or not," she explained as we got shushed from the ladies in front of us just as the lights went down in the theatre.

Just over two hours later, we walked out of the art gallery and I ushered Leah towards a coffee shop I knew around the corner. It was a little cool outside, but Leah wrapped her leather jacket tightly around her as we went.

When we slipped inside, Leah insisted on picking up our order and I grabbed a table in the far corner as a text went off in my pocket.

_I need to talk to you as soon as possible ~B_

Jesus, could she have worst timing? It's like every time she knew I was anywhere near a woman, she had to text. I looked up and saw Leah still waiting for our drinks so I sent her a quick text letting her know I was unavailable and put my phone away in my pocket, deciding to try and ignore it and just have fun with Leah.

We spent the next two hours discussing all aspects of art. From artists we loved and hated, to works that were far too popular. Leah shared my thoughts about a lot of topics, and I realized just how great it was to sit there and discuss a topic I hadn't truly thought about for the last few years. My entire world used to revolve around art and I had lost sight of it when Bella left.

"What are you thinking about?" Leah asked as I finished my second coffee and leaned back a bit in the chair I was perched in.

"It's just weird how much my life has changed, you know?"

"Uh…no."

"Well, art used to be everything in my life. I was successful, I had sold dozens of paintings before I even went to art school and I was considered somewhat of a prodigy," I admitted with a hint of reluctance as Leah smiled.

"That's awesome, but why do you work for your brother's architecture firm?"

"I gave up. My art, my life, any hope of a real relationship," I said simply as Leah gave me a sweet smile, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink. "Tonight was just a really good reminder that regardless of how much my life has changed; I didn't truly need to give up that which meant the most to me."

"And how do you feel about that? Are you going to head out and buy some art supplies and go wild?"

"Oh god no, but one day I might," I replied with a grin as the barista at the coffee shop took that moment to inform us that the store was closing. "I'll walk you to your car, alright?"

Leah and I walked towards her Mini Cooper that was parked at the art gallery and we talked easily along the way about an upcoming exhibit that was going to start in early December. We agreed to go together and I promised to call Leah over the weekend. We were going to attempt to be friends, even though I knew she wanted more. However, I had no idea what I truly wanted.

If Bella were available to me, would I even consider anything with Leah? That was the question of the century, wasn't it?

When I finally sat in my car after waiting until Leah had driven away, I pulled my phone from my pocket and found three more texts from Bella, each one becoming more frantic.

_Please, Edward. Just a few minutes – B_

_I told Peter tonight that I wasn't going to marry him. He didn't take it well. – B_

_I've left the hotel with nothing and have nowhere to go. Please call. – B_

I gave up any pretense I had of not helping her and wrote her back to meet me as soon as she could at the loft. I felt my stomach begin to turn with uncertainty as I looked down at my key ring and saw the key for my old loft still hanging there.

"Shit," I cursed as I put my car in reverse and made my way across town to the apartment.

I shouldn't have been surprised to find Bella already there, and just like she said, she had nothing on her but her purse and cell phone. Where were her clothes? She must have had some belongings in the hotel with Peter, right? What about all her stuff in Chicago? Did she live with Peter and now it was going to be hellish to get her stuff from him? Shit, this was much more complicated than my life needed.

I stepped from the car and Bella stood up from the stoop with a huge frown on her face. "I'm sorry I interrupted whatever you were doing," she said with her chin tucked into her chest. The light from above us lit up her face enough that I could see that she had been crying.

"It's fine," I stated as I fumbled with the key in the door. "It's been a while since I've been here, so I'm not sure everything works."

"I'm sure it's great. Anywhere away from Peter is perfect actually," she replied as I pushed open the door and we made our way down the small hallway to the elevator. I had to press the button a few times, but sure enough it came to life and as we stood there I was finally able to see her better. The sleeve of her shirt had been ripped and she had a small bruise on the corner of her mouth as well as a few on her arms. Her skin was paler than usual and her eyes had dark shadows underneath them.

Bella saw me analyzing her, looking for other injuries and immediately froze, crumbling onto the floor of the elevator as she burst into heartbreaking sobs.

"What in the fuck has he done to you?"


	14. Portrait of a Girl

**Not much to say this week, so I'll get right to it. MaggieMay14 is the best and betas this madness. Risbee owns my ass and she and Acinad816 pre-read like nobody's business.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do have all my Christmas shopping done. That's right; be jealous. LOL**

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><p><strong><em>"You come to nature with all her theories, and she knocks them all flat." – Pierre Auguste Renoir<em>**

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><p><strong>BPOV <strong>

**November 2006**

November was quickly fading and living with Edward was easy; like breathing. If I thought that working with him was comfortable, it was no different living and being in a relationship with him. He was even more genuine, sweet and thoughtful than I could have imagined, and the more we got to know one another, the more I fell.

And I was falling hard.

Since I had moved in we had managed some time to go out and actually have dates, even though the situation felt a little backwards – living together and _then_ dating. We went to the Seattle Art Museum a few times, twice to see a movie and once for an exhibit on the works of Cindy Sherman. I loved seeing Edward in his element and he was continually encouraging me about my poetry and had even bought me a journal to write in.

As I lay beside him on our bed, my fingers stroking his cheek softly as he slept, I still couldn't believe how lucky I had gotten.

I had posed for Edward late the night before, and the sexual tension between us grew tenfold until we pleasured each other on the floor, finally collapsing into bed naked just after two in the morning. Needless to say, I currently had no inclination to get up. However, tonight was a big night for the two of us, since we were having Kate & Garrett over for dinner. I was on the fence about the evening, knowing full well how Kate felt about our age difference, but Edward was so positive about everything.

"I'm not sleeping, you know," Edward said with a small groan as he rolled onto his side and pulled me until we were spooning, with me in front of him. "I was, however, having the best dream ever."

"Oh really?" I asked playfully as I rubbed my ass against him and he squeezed me tighter. "Are you going to tell me about it?"

"I'd much rather show you," he replied confidently as his hands slid down my stomach and along my thighs. "What do you think of that idea?" Edward used his hand to lift my leg over his, opening my pussy to him, as his fingers began to rub slowly between my wet lips.

"It's a good one," I answered as I captured my bottom lip between my teeth and felt Edward grind his erection against me. I may have let a little moan slip out, but it grew louder as Edward began to circle my clit with his talented fingers.

"It was very good..."

"Tell me," I asked breathlessly as I felt Edward kissing up the column of my neck to suck my earlobe into his mouth. One hand remained nestled between my legs, rubbing and teasing me, as the other moved slowly up to tug at my already hard nipple. "What was happening in your dream?"

"This," Edward panted as I felt his hardness rub up against my clit and I groaned. "I was fucking you."

"Oh god," I groaned out as I felt Edward pass against me again.

We hadn't yet moved to that stage of our relationship yet, but I was beyond eager to feel him inside of me. It was the natural progression of things as far as I was concerned, but I felt like Edward had been a bit hesitant; at least until that moment.

"God, I want you," I moaned out as Edward ground his hips against my ass, his cock hitting my clit just right. "Please? Please... can we… can you..."

Thankfully, Edward was able to decipher my madness. He used his hands to roll me onto my back as we changed positions until he was hovering above me, his lips quirked up in a crooked smile as I grasped his face and pulled him to me for a kiss.

"You sure?"

"I thought _you_ were hesitating" I replied honestly as my fingers threaded into his hair and he kissed me softly.

"I just wanted to be sure… you know… that I loved you," Edward said without a hint of hesitation before he buried himself inside of me. A loud moan filled the room as Edward remained motionless, the two of us connected like never before.

Unfortunately for him, I was frozen. He loved me. Edward fucking loved me, and we were finally making love, and I wasn't responding to his declarations. What in the hell was wrong with me?

On a positive note, Edward didn't seem like he cared too much as he began to slowly push and pull his cock inside of me. The awkwardness I felt passed quickly as Edward began to kiss my neck, his hands and mouth worshipping me as his cock brought me intense passion I had never felt before.

"Oh… oh my god," I cursed out as Edward moved faster, his thrusts smacking wildly against my thighs as he grunted and groaned his way through. A layer of sweat broke out across his brow and I knew he was trying so hard to bring me to release first. The fingers from his free hand reached between us and he pinched at my clit, causing me to yelp in pleasure.

"God, you are perfect. So fucking beautiful," he moaned out lowly.

"More Edward… touch me more…."

In an instant his fingers were back between us, rubbing, rolling and pinching my sensitive clit as my body continued to react, this time my back arching off the bed before he pulled me in for a searing kiss. "I love you," he declared once more and I couldn't stop my body from coming undone at his words, even though I felt remorse that I hadn't said them back.

"Fucking beautiful. I'd love to paint you in the midst of an orgasm," Edward exclaimed through clenched teeth as I leaned up and kissed him, swallowing the grunts from his own release.

Edward collapsed at my side, his head resting on my rapidly beating chest, as I stared at the ceiling, playing with his hair. Edward loved me and I had no idea what to do with that information. I felt something for him, sure. I could even see us together in the long run, but was I ready to utter the word 'love'… no, not yet. I wanted to be 100% sure before I uttered those amazing words to such an amazing man.

It was just after six when Kate and Garrett rang the bell downstairs and Edward invited them up. Kate walked in brandishing a bottle of red wine and Garrett clutched a six-pack of Sam Adams. Introductions were made and we gave them a short tour while Edward entertained my friends and I finished putting dinner in the oven.

"So Edward, did Bella ever tell you that it was me who pushed her to answer your ad?" Kate asked with a sly grin on her face. "Do I get a finders fee or something?"

"Always out for yourself, aren't you Katie?" I asked from the kitchen as I watched her flip me the middle finger, both of us laughing.

"I'm being serious. I thought it was a good idea and a quick way to earn some money and look it where it led you. You don't have to fight off the advances of your old boss and you landed this hot young stud."

"Thank you, Kate," Edward replied his voice somber. "I don't think I ever could thank you properly for bringing Bella into my life."

"You could pay me the first sale price for a painting you sell of her," Kate suggested with a laugh.

"The paintings I've finished so far were for a class project. I may sell some of them eventually, but any of the newer ones we've worked on probably won't be sold, so you may be waiting a while."

I couldn't help the blush that crossed my face as I thought back to recent paintings Edward had done. Over time, he had become more comfortable with the idea of his girlfriend being his model, and the paintings had taken a decidedly more risqué turn. He had done several close ups – paintings just of a breast, my lips and yes, even my pussy – as well as a couple where I was in the middle of pleasuring myself. We never reached the point of climax in the work seeing as Edward would usually stop painting mid way through to help me to my release. The painting would be forgotten until the next morning usually.

"I have faith in my investment. I bet the value of one of those paintings will go through the roof in like ten years."

"We'll see," Edward replied as I shoved the chicken pot pie I was making into the oven and set the timer. We had only thirty minutes until dinner was expected to be done, so I sat down on the couch beside Edward and spent some time catching up with my friends.

"What it is that you are studying, Kate?" Edward asked, changing the subject as I saw him wink playfully at me.

"I'm in my final year as a history major. I've got my eye on a few potential positions when I graduate. Things that I want to do, but it's a little too early to think about it."

"And you, Garrett?"

"Physical Therapy, but I graduate in January not in May like the girls. I took some summer courses in my second year in an effort to graduate early," Garrett explained with a smile. Edward expressed his interest in doing the same thing, taking courses over the summer to speed up his graduation and Garrett encouraged him. I could tell why Edward was thinking it though… he wanted to be out of school as quick as he could. "The only problem with graduating early is that I have to make all the big decisions about my future now and already have a job offer."

"You do?" Kate asked, the surprise clear in her voice. "When did this happen?"

"I got the offer yesterday afternoon."

"Why didn't you mention it sooner?"

"Cause I'm not going to take it, that's why." We all looked at Garrett in confusion. Who wouldn't want a great opportunity fresh out of college? Maybe he had something else in mind and he didn't want to take the first job he was offered, but it seemed like he hadn't had the time to really contemplate it. "It's in Chicago, Katie."

"I don't blame you for not taking it then," I said quickly, my hatred of Chicago known very well to Kate since my mother lived there.

Kate and Garrett excused themselves for a moment to discuss their situation in private as Edward pulled me onto his lap, his lips finding mine. "What would you do in Garrett's situation?"

"I'd sit down and talk to you about it," Edward admitted easily. "I'd never move to Chicago, but I always thought of one day settling in New York or San Francisco. It's not like Seattle is an art mecca, you know?" I nodded my head softly as Edward kissed my temple. "However, I'd never make a major decision without you, baby."

"I know," I replied as my body tensed around him. I was head over heels for Edward, but all this talk of the future was getting to be a bit much.

"Do you see yourself staying in Seattle forever?" he asked curiously.

"Not really, but I never saw myself moving too far away from my dad, so that doesn't give me much of a choice in locations, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. So… when do I get to meet your dad, since he's so important to you?" Edward asked just as I was saved by the timer of the oven going off and headed to get our dinner.

Though my father knew of Edward's existence and that I was dating someone, I hadn't had the heart to tell him I was living with him or that I posed for him. I would never even consider telling my father exactly how I posed for him either. I loved my father more than anything in the world, but he had a tendency to be old-fashioned about certain things, and me living with a man before we were engaged or even married, would be a bit much for him.

Edward could sense I was avoiding the topic, so when I felt his come up behind me, his lips pressing against my neck, I knew I had to placate him somehow. "Let me discuss it with him at Christmas and we can see about going to Forks in the spring or something."

"Why so long?" Edward asked simply.

"I'm just not ready yet. I'm not sure how my father will handle everything," I admitted as I tensed and my hand slipped, burning my wrist slightly on the edge of the casserole dish. "Shit," I cursed as Edward saw my injury and lifted my wrist to his lips, kissing the burn reverently.

"I'm sorry."

"Just… I don't think you should push this topic until I've had a chance to discuss everything with my father," I replied. Sure, I talked to my dad two or three times a week, but I knew he would be hesitant and disapproving of our relationship. I didn't want reality to hit us yet. "I haven't had a chance to meet your family either, you know?"

"I know. I've been thinking that we need to rectify that soon."

"Oh."

"Yeah… my brother is currently out of town, but I thought that maybe before Christmas we could get together for a dinner or something. I'd like to introduce you to everyone at once."

"Let's talk about it later, alright?" I suggested as Kate and Garrett walked into the room holding hands and looking like everything was fine between them. "Dinner is ready," I announced and any troubles from the evening were forgotten as we settled in for dinner.

Thankfully, Kate didn't make any comments about Edward's age and the night proved to be more fun that I expected. Garrett and Edward got along well and I was a little surprised, but pleased. We sat around after dinner and continued to talk about things in general, Kate opening up and telling Edward embarrassing stories from our past.

"Remember that time those twins invited us back to their place?" Kate asked with a laugh as I rolled my eyes. "Except they weren't really twins, but rather two guys who looked kinda similar and were into kinky shit."

"I'd rather forget that night," I said as I took a sip of my wine as Edward and Garrett looked between us curiously.

"Apparently the boys were really into foursomes and somehow were under the misconception that Bella and I were together… _together_," Kate said simply. "Needless to say, Bella and I hightailed it out of there."

"I lost my cell phone that night," I explained as Edward laughed gently. "I couldn't be bothered to call the number because I was certain I left it at their apartment. If I called, it meant I would have to see them again and there was no way that was happening."

"When did you guys find out they were into group sex?" Garrett asked, laughing. "Obviously it wasn't before you got to their place. How does one just offer up that suggestion?"

"It was pretty clear a few minutes after we got there," Kate said grinning, remembering the memory. "Liam and Randall, the guys we were with, had nude photos on the wall and Bella and I were looking at them and realized that it was them."

"Then you left?" Edward asked with a laugh, no doubt picturing the look of mortification that would have been on my face then. I was a little more of a prude back in those days, before I was posing for Edward and became a little more open with my sexuality.

"No… then they came out from wherever they went, naked, holding glasses and a bottle of champagne," I replied tensely as Kate giggled, the wine beginning to sink in.

"They asked if we would suck their cocks and then we ran like the wind," Kate laughed. "I think they ended up going down on each other, because they were both really, _really_ excited."

"I told you at the bar I thought they were gay, but you didn't believe me," I added as Kate laughed once more, our boys joining in. "You just thought Liam was too hot not to be straight."

"Okay, so I was off slightly since they were bi. Luckily for me, it was two days later that I met Garrett."

"Yes, thank god. I was getting tired of the bar scene and trying to find guys," I admitted as Kate nudged my shoulder and smiled brightly as she looked at Edward.

"That's right, you find your men in the classified ads."

"Only the best advertise," I replied cheekily as I leaned in and kissed Edward, my hand threading through the hair at the nape of his neck as I pulled him closer. I hadn't realized how hot and heavy things were getting before Kate cleared her throat and our guests began to stand up.

"I think it's time we head on home," Kate said with a slight slur. Thank god I knew Garrett had only had one beer and was driving them home. "You guys look like you need a little privacy anyways."

We said our goodbyes, taking longer than I expected, and Kate and I promised to try and not be so distant even though we didn't live across the hall from one another anymore. Just before I closed the door behind them, Kate pulled me in for a quick hug and whispered happily in my ear.

"I think I was wrong about him, ya know. He's a keeper."

"Thanks," I replied genuinely as I squeezed tighter and Garrett tugged Kate into the elevator.

I closed the door and rested my back against it, taking a deep breath before I looked over to see Edward filling the dishwasher and cleaning up from dinner. It was a little thing, but it made my smile brighten as he turned to look at me, his grin mirroring mine.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked as he came towards me and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing and nibbling at my neck. I shook my head softly as Edward kissed up my neck to my ear, sucking it between his teeth. "I think the rest can wait, don't you?"

"Yeah, they can wait," I replied as Edward took my hand and led me towards our bedroom, where he continued to shower me with his love until I came screaming, wrapped around him.

Life was good.

**On a side note, one of my earliest fics 'American Girl' is currently up for Fic of the Week at the Lemonade Stand, so if you like me or any of the other nominees, head on over to vote. www . tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com**

**Also, voting is underway in the Season of our Discontent Angst contest, for which I am a judge. I hope you are reading these angsty little goodies!**


	15. Comfort

**Is everyone ready for the holidays? Other than baking, I'm almost there. MaggieMay14 is the best and betas this madness. Risbee owns my ass and she and Acinad816 pre-read like nobody's business.**

**I'm not one to offer up disclaimers regarding my content. If you see my category, you see that it's angst. Bad stuff will happen. It's not all sunshine and rainbows for a little while. Then again, it wasn't ever, was it?**

**I don't own Twilight. I am going to see an exhibit next week for Marc Chagall and the Russian Avant-Garde. I'm not kidding, I really love art, and I won the tickets on Twitter. LOL**

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><p><strong><em>"I will paint living people who breathe and feel and suffer and love." – Edvard Munch<em>**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**November 2011**

"What in the fuck has he done to you?" I shouted, as my blood pressure rose and I was practically shaking with fury. I wanted to hunt my cousin down and beat the shit out of him, but I had something more important to deal with. I bent down, crouching close to Bella's side and tried to console her as best as I could, but she was crying uncontrollably.

"It's… there's…" she mumbled incoherently as the elevator reached the top level and I hoisted her up into my arms, bracing her tightly to me, as we stepped off into the loft.

Not a lot had changed since the last time I had been there. The same furniture remained, but Emmett had covered everything with drop cloths. All of my art supplies, easels and canvases had either been ruined or put away, so the place looked pathetic; desolate and empty. It was hard to recall the life and love that had encompassed the apartment a few years earlier, but it was like a distant ghost in the room. Each corner held a memory of our time together.

"I'm going to put you down for a second. I need to strip the dust covers off the furniture," I explained as I set Bella down and like I expected, she crumbled beneath her weight. I still had my arm under her, so she didn't fall down too hard against the floor.

Once Bella was somewhat settled on the floor, her sobs subsided slightly, I quickly made my way around the room and stripped the covers off the furniture. They looked in decent shape, time clearly hadn't affected them at all, but it was almost too much for me to deal with. It had been so long since I had been in the loft and around my former home that I wasn't sure I would be able to handle it all.

"Edward?" I heard Bella say softly as I finished pulling the last cover off the settee I had used in our first few modeling sessions. I stared at it for a moment, longing to go back in time to our final days together because they had been some of the happiest of my life, until Bella called me again, pulling me from my reverie.

"Yeah?" I replied tensely as I came closer to her and noticed that her entire body was shaking. "Are you okay? What do you need, baby?" I asked, immediately regretting using the term of endearment, but it just slipped out. Our surroundings didn't help.

"I need a shower," she panted through her tears as I nodded in acquiescence and went over to the sink to see if the water was still on. After a few moments of the pipes sputtering, water came on and I breathed a sigh of relief when it went from cold to hot. I wordlessly went over and picked Bella up, carrying her into the bathroom, where I sat her down on the closed toilet and turned the showerhead on, the room filling with steam.

"I'm going to go hunt down some towels and stuff. I'm sure they are here somewhere. Emmett didn't throw anything out," I explained simply as Bella nodded her head quietly. I stepped out, letting her get dressed and when I found some towels buried in a box in the closet, I opened the bathroom door tentatively and put them on the counter. "I'll be outside, alright?"

When I went to close the door behind me, I could hear Bella crying softly in the shower and had it been a few years earlier, I would have climbed in with her and consoled her. I couldn't bring myself to do it now though. The situation was so drastically different now and I saw Bella in such a different light, that I had to listen to the voice of reason in my head and step away. I closed the door with a solid click and went back into the living room to throw myself on the couch with a loud thud.

It seemed like an hour or more passed, even though it was probably only ten minutes, before Bella came out of the shower. She had a towel wrapped around her body and another one around her hair. "I don't suppose you have any clothes here do you?" she asked quietly as I chastised myself mentally for not looking for clothing at the same time I looked for towels. Lord knows she didn't want to be putting on her torn shirt again and I couldn't blame her.

I jumped up from the couch and headed into our old bedroom, knowing full well there were some boxes of old clothes in there. Kate had picked up a lot of Bella's stuff about a week after she left, but I had a few things left that would make due until we could go and get Bella's clothes from Peter. Luckily, I found an old pair of Bella's yoga pants and one of my t-shirts in the first box, but it was the item on top that brought back the most memories.

"You still have that old thing?" Bella asked as she stood behind me, her hand reaching out to grab the silken fabric from my shaking hand. "I used to love wearing that for you."

"I thought it was a bit much when I first bought it," I admitted with a small blush as Bella moved away from me. "I'm glad you used to like it though."

"I learned to love it. The first time I put it on I thought it was much too small, but I realized it didn't really matter considering how much of me you would end up seeing."

"Here," I said as I reached my hand out, offering her the pants and shirt I had found for her. "You get changed and I'm gonna go see if there is some bedding around here." Bella nodded softly and I high tailed it out of the room and away from the overwhelming urge I had to hold her.

It took all of my self-control to remember that she had left me and effectively ruined what we had. I couldn't let myself feel for her what I had once before. It would be the most self-destructive thing I could do.

In the closet of the spare room, I found a set of sheets and some blankets, with relative ease. It surprised me how much stuff was boxed up and remained in the loft. Emmett had cleaned up the loft when I told him I refused to go back there, but I had assumed that he had given away or thrown out almost everything. I guess I was wrong, and this was clearly a good thing for Bella.

When I stepped out into the hallway, Bella was standing there, dressed and with her long, damp hair falling down her back, wetting her shirt. She looked genuinely despondent, her face sallow and her expression bleak. "We're in luck," I exclaimed with a small amount of enthusiasm. "We can make up the bed for you and then tomorrow we'll have to get some food. I have nothing here, but since it's so late I figured it didn't matter."

"Thank you," Bella said softly as she plucked the linens from me and brought them back into our former bedroom. In hindsight, I lived in the loft a lot longer without her than I had with her, but I still felt like it was ours. It probably wasn't the most logical or healthy thing, but I couldn't help myself. "I umm… do you think Emmett would go to Peter's for me tomorrow?"

"I could go," I offered as Bella sat on the edge of the bed, her hands shaking as she began to cry again. "What happened, Bella? I mean… if he attacked you or something we should probably call the police."

"No… no police," Bella pleaded, her eyes frantic as she stared at me intently. "He didn't do… he didn't touch me… like that. We fought; there was screaming and a few things in the hotel room got broken."

"How did your shirt get ripped? If he laid a hand on you…" My hands balled up into fists at my side as I stood just inside the doorframe, watching the shell of the woman I loved fall apart. "You don't deserve whatever it is that he has done to you."

"Don't I?" Bella asked, her voice slightly raised as she wiped the tears from her cheeks roughly with the back of her hands. "I left you five years ago and never even gave you a chance to find me, to contact me. I sent Kate to gather my things and refused all your calls. I fucking ruined you… me… I fucked us up beyond repair and what did I go and do? I ended up with someone who was the complete opposite of you in every way because I thought he was what I was entitled to. I deserve so much worse than what I have gotten," Bella spat angrily as I watched her knuckles turn white as a ghost as she clutched the edge of the mattress.

"Regardless of what happened to us or why, I don't think you ever deserved this Bella. No one does."

"I told Peter tonight that I was leaving him," she admitted, her voice soft, as my eyes grew wide in surprise. It was nice to know that she was smartening up though. "He had a business meeting until 8, so I packed up all my things and had them by the door when he got home. The moment I tried to leave, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the living room, tossing me like a rag doll onto the couch as he hurled insult after insult at me. For the first time in five years I actually felt something other than sadness; I felt furious."

Bella stood up and began pacing around the small room as her fingers tugged on her hair, reminding me of my own little habit. I couldn't help but wonder if she had picked it up from me. "He treated you like shit, you should have been furious."

"I wasn't mad at Peter, if you can believe that shit, I was angry with myself. Everything that had happened in the past five years was my fucking fault. From leaving, to moving to Chicago and agreeing to marry Peter, I did nothing to stop it. I turned into such a weak and fragile person; I was ashamed of myself. My shirt ripped when I tried to get off the couch and Peter reached out for me. It wasn't… he has hit me before, but this wasn't like that."

I was full on fucking murderous with rage as Bella explained to me that shortly after they got engaged, Peter came home from a meeting drunk and was angry that Bella refused to have sex with him. He smacked her across the jaw and when she began to cry, he was instantly apologetic. "He spent the next week showering me with gifts, flowers, little blue boxes from Tiffany's… you name it. It was shortly after that when Peter told me he wanted to move out of Chicago and to the Seattle office. Part of me was scared to come back to Washington, and another part of me knew that if I came I would feel closer to you. Everything Peter did to me was worth it because I got to see you again."

"How in the fuck can you say that?" I asked, my anger reaching a boiling point. "He was abusive, verbally and physically, against you. I don't get how you can think it was worth it. I am finding it really difficult to stand here when all I want to do is go back to your hotel and fuck him up so badly he'll need his jaw wired shut."

"Edward…" Bella hesitated as I raised my hand, silencing her.

"He is the worst fucking scum known to man, and Emmett and I both knew this from when we were kids. He needs to be set fucking straight, especially after some of the shit he said to me when you were in the bathroom at the restaurant the other night," I yelled with a shudder as I thought back to our awkward dinner a few nights earlier.

"What did he say?" Bella asked, her voice anxious, as I gripped the doorjamb tightly in my hand.

"He basically admitted that he treated you like a possession. You were his to do with as he saw fit, whether that meant with him or with someone else," I explained as Bella sat back down, her body shaking as her tears fell again. "Please tell me… please tell me you weren't like that for him. Did you whore yourself out for him, Bella?" I pleaded, my voice raising loudly as I finished.

I could feel the bile wanting to choke me as I watched Bella nod her head softly, her tears falling harder than ever now. What in the fuck had happened to her?

"Fuck," I shouted as I threw my fist into the wall, punching a hole through the drywall, before I strode out into the living room. I was furious, I wanted to release my anger in any way, but there was nothing left in the loft for me to destroy but the drywall or the furniture.

I sat on the couch, my body shaking in fury and remorse, as I buried my head in my hands and let the tears fall from my own eyes. What in the hell had I done that was so bad? What had I done that had driven Bella to Peter and to do what she did… with whoever the fuck she did it with?

I stepped into the kitchen, still hearing Bella's hiccups and sobs from the bedroom, as I slammed each and every cabinet looking for something, preferably booze, to take my edge off. I even climbed on the counter and opened the cupboard above the fridge where I used to hide my stash from Emmett, desperate for a snort of coke, but it was empty too. Emmett had been far too fucking thorough.

"Edward," I heard Bella's voice call from the bedroom. I walked in tentatively and found her curled up in a ball, her sobs subsiding as she attempted to fall back asleep. "For what it's worth… I wish I had never left. I left the best part of me with you."

I shut the bedroom door behind me and went into the kitchen, scrawling a note on a scrap piece of paper before leaving the apartment and heading to my home. Fortunately for me, I never made it there.

"This better be good," Emmett declared as he opened the door and saw me standing in the rain, my fist raised to knock again. "What in the fuck are you doing here at…" Emmett glanced at his watch before looking back up at me "three thirty in the morning on a Thursday."

"Bella's at the loft," I said simply as Emmett ushered me into his foyer and I saw Rosalie at the top of the stairs, looking at us in confusion.

"Go back to sleep Rosie," Emmett said sweetly. "I'll take care of this and be back up soon."

"Okay," she replied sleepily as Emmett made me stand still before rushing to grab some towels and a change of clothes for me. As I changed, he put on a pot of coffee, but I didn't need caffeine, I needed liquor. I grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels from his liquor cabinet and took two long pulls from it as Emmett looked on with concern.

"Why is Bella at your loft?"

"She left Peter tonight, well technically last night, and she had no where else to go."

"I thought you were going out with Leah?"

"I did… right after everything ended, Bella texted me needing help. Who else could she get to help her?" Emmett shrugged his shoulders as I took another drink. "She packed up her stuff and when he got home from a meeting she told him she didn't want to marry him. He didn't take it so well."

"Did he hit her?" Emmett asked, his anger beginning to boil, not unlike mine had when Bella first told me.

"Not really, but he grabbed her wrist and there was a bit of a struggle apparently. Bella did admit that he has physically and verbally abused her in the past though."

"That fucking son of a bitch…" Emmett declared, his teeth clenched as his chest began to heave in anger. "Where the fuck does he get off thinking he can hit a woman?"

"He also used to make Bella fuck other people."

"He what?" Emmett yelled as he reached over for the bottle of Jack and took his own gulp. "When do we get to go beat the shit out of him? Do you think he's maybe blackmailing her and that's why she stayed with him?"

"I have no idea, but Bella asked if you could go get her stuff tomorrow?" I explained as Emmett looked at me confused. "I think it's because she and Rosalie are friendly, so if you went, it might make sense. If I showed up, it would arouse suspicion."

"Does he know where she is staying?"

"I doubt it. All she had was the clothes on her back and some money for a cab. Her purse, her clothes… everything, is either at their hotel room or back in Chicago."

"This is so fucked up, Edward."

"Yeah, I know," I said as we made our way into the living room and sat down on his leather couch, side by side. "Part of me wants nothing to do with her and another part wants to console her and admit that I love her and I would forgive her for her past… it's all so confusing."

"Love is always confusing."

"Thanks… I think."

"Listen Edward, you know I am not Bella's biggest fan, but I also think that considering her situation, we should help her," Emmett said sincerely as I took another drink. "I don't think you should get back together with her, but I agree that she should be as far away from Peter as possible. I'll go collect her things tomorrow from Peter and we can go from there, alright?"

"I owe you."

"No, Bella owes me. You don't owe me shit," he exclaimed with his patented dimpled grin. "Well, I owe Peter a few upper cuts and maybe a punch to his gut."


	16. Reclining Nude

**I was gonna wait till tomorrow to post, but I thought, why not. I'm in the holiday spirit and all, plus this chapter is kinda festive I suppose.**

**I don't own Twilight. I did bake 10 dozen cookies and 3 dozen butter tarts this weekend. I won't even get started on the laundry or cleaning. I'm sure we're all in the same boat, right?**

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><p><em><strong>"I am now rich in fruitful ideas and I must produce my work." – Amedeo Modigliani<strong>_

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**December 2006 **

The air was crisp and my hands felt freezing cold as Edward and I stood in a Christmas tree lot trying to decide on a tree for the loft. I didn't really see the point of getting one since I had to go back to Forks for the holidays to see my father, and Edward would be at his parents, but he was so excited about the holidays, our first together, that I couldn't deny him.

"Why don't we get one of those Charlie Brown Christmas trees?" I offered as Edward gave me a sideways glance and rolled his eyes. "They are so cute and tiny."

"Because none of the ornaments I have will stay on a little tree. We need something that's a decent size and anyways, we have the space for a big one."

"That's what she said," snickered the teenaged boy who was attempting to help us. I gave a small smile in return and watched as Edward remained focused as he moved to another row and suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.

"We'll take this one," he announced proudly as he pulled me to his side and kissed my temple. I looked at the tree before us, wondering briefly how the hell we would get it in my truck, but then realized it didn't matter. Edward was happy and I wasn't going to do anything to ruin that.

We left fifteen minutes later after paying way too much for our tree and it took us almost half an hour to get it into the elevator and up to our loft. However, when it was finally in place and we had strung the lights and strategically placed all the homemade ornaments, I had to admit that it was beautiful.

"You did good," I said sweetly to Edward as we sat on the couch, our arms wrapped tightly around each other as we simply stared at the tree.

"This is the first Christmas I've ever truly been excited about," Edward admitted genuinely. "Things are going great with my art and school, I've got a beautiful and sexy girlfriend who I can't keep my hands off, and I just have this feeling that 2007 is going to be the best year ever."

"Wow, you are full of the festive spirit, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am," Edward replied as he grasped my hips and pulled me closer to him, my head turning to the side to find his lips eagerly awaiting mine. We moved languidly against each other at first before I straddled his legs and things took a turn for the desperate. Hands moved quickly, clothing was shed and promises of forever, from Edward, were uttered over and over again.

Christmas came and went without much fanfare. On Christmas Eve day I drove in my old truck to my father's place in Forks, and I spent several days there with him. We didn't exchange gifts because we never knew what to get the other, so instead we shared stories of our lives, explained how things were going with us, and I cooked and baked up a storm. I think my father was most appreciative of a good home-cooked meal.

"You should call more often, Bells," my dad chastised me on the first night I was home. We had gone to the diner for dinner, and the first ten minutes were taken up by my dad re-introducing me to friends of his who were also in the diner on Christmas Eve. I had offered to make a dinner, but my dad wouldn't hear of it.

"You know the phone works both ways, right?"

"Yeah, but you are always busy and I'm always free and doing nothing," he replied softly as I rolled my eyes, knowing my dad was laying it on thick. When I lived with him, after my mother left, he was always out playing poker or drinking with his friends. Basically just trying to forget and move on. He had more of a life then I did during that time.

"I'm always in the apartment writing essays for class or pos…" I stopped short of telling my father I was posing for Edward and decided instead to talk to him a bit more about the boy I was falling for.

"What is pos?"

"Nothing, I was just going to say that I was sometimes spending time with Edward." There was definitely a groan from my father at this point. "If you want to call my cell phone, you can reach me there any time."

"Even when you are with Edward?"

"Yes, Dad," I replied with a roll of my eyes.

"So, are you going to tell me about him? All you mentioned on the phone was that he was a fellow student at UW. Is he in your classes or something?" My dad took a small bite of his hamburger and waited patiently, well as patient as my father could be, for me to respond. I was caught between a rock and a hard place though, because I wasn't sure just how honest I should be with my father about Edward.

"No… he's an art major."

"He's not like some tattooed, ear ringed freak looking kid with spiky green hair is he?" he asked in his usual gruff way. "I've seen some of those kids on MTV and you should stay away from them."

"Actually, he's very straight-laced for an art student. However, he's… umm…" my father looked at me with his french fry raised to his mouth, waiting. "He's a freshman."

"Bella…" he said slowly, his voice ripe with disappointment.

"It's only five years difference, dad."

"Five years? Oh, so that makes it all right?"

"It doesn't matter to me. Edward is a lot more mature and intelligent than most men my age who have already graduated from college. He's successful too. He owns his own apartment, has had paintings sold and even has a showing in a gallery late next month in Seattle. I really think that you would like him," I said strongly, as though I was trying to sell him to my father. In hindsight, I just should have brought Edward with me and my dad would have known immediately how wonderful Edward was. He'd see eventually that Edward was my better half.

"Does he watch sports?"

"I don't know," I said with a small sigh, because of course this would be an item of importance to my dad. "We usually watch movies." Yeah, like my father would buy that. Thankfully he just shoved another bite of a french fry into his mouth and scowled at me briefly.

"I hope you know what you are doing, Bells."

"I do."

"Good. I want to meet him. Sooner rather than later."

"Okay," I replied. "When I get back to Seattle I'll talk to him and see what we can arrange."

"Good. Now let's eat."

The rest of the trip home didn't consist of much conversation about, or with, Edward. I only spoke to Edward briefly each night, but he was staying at the loft, since his parents lived in the city. He was lonely, which was to be expected, but he was also keeping busy with reports and essays for his art history class, as well as putting the finishing touches on the works he was submitting to the gallery. Though I hated to admit it, it was probably a good thing that we were apart for a few days.

When I got back to Seattle on the 28th, Edward was a little too eager to see me. I had barely dropped my bag in the foyer when he had me pushed up against the wall, his lips fused to mine as he ground his erection against me. It was rough, desperate and all encompassing, but it was fitting for us. We did it three more times that night, actually making it into our bed for the last round, but neither of us seemed sated. We always wanted more.

It was at this point, after round three and while lying in our bed, that Edward reached into his nightstand drawer and came out with a small box wrapped in very fancy holly and ivy wrapping paper.

"You didn't need to get me anything, Edward." I couldn't help but think that the gift was too much, considering all I had gotten for him was a frame for the printed announcement of his gallery showing next month.

"It's Christmas, well as close as we could get to Christmas," he said with a wide grin. "It would be grounds for getting my ass kicked if I didn't get you anything. Kate told me so when I called her for help with your gift. I just wanted to do something nice for my girlfriend."

Edward was so pleased with himself that there was no way I could rain on his parade. I opened the wrapping paper slowly, it was too pretty to just throw away, and stopped short when it came time to open it.

"Will I be mad by how much money you've spent on me?" I asked, curious.

"No. I promise," Edward replied, the grin still plastered on his face.

Of course, I had been right. When I opened the box, I was surprised into silence by the beautiful gift. Edward had given me a beautiful intricate ring called a fiddle ring, which I could move easily with my fingers, as I tended to be restless. Inside he had engraved the words 'You Inspire Me –E' and my breath was taken away.

I kissed him firmly and we made love once more, the ring resting comfortably on the ring finger of my right hand and I couldn't remember a moment when I had felt more content or loved.

Perhaps I was in love with him after all.

**January 2007**

The New Year was celebrated quietly between Edward and me. We enjoyed dinner together and then ended up making love until all hours of the night. When I woke up, I wasn't overly surprised to find myself still in the living room, with Edward painting furiously in front of his canvas. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept, and I found myself wishing I could do something to help him.

In fact, over the first two weeks of January, Edward seemed to be sleeping less and less, determined to finish the set of paintings of me he was supposed to have a gallery showing of in two weeks. Considering the amount of time we spent together then, it was more like we were roommates than lovers. I was always at school or glued to my computer working on the first draft of my thesis and Edward was either completely buried in his work or fast asleep because he had been up for two or three days straight.

I hadn't yet said 'I love you' to Edward, though I knew whatever I felt for him was growing exponentially with each passing day. I just couldn't bring myself to say something I wasn't 100% sure I meant. Edward hadn't said it since the day we first had sex, and we had been intimate too many times to count since our first.

I was caught off guard and pulled from my thesis as Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "I need a break. What about you?" he said slowly, as I felt his lips ghost along the side of my neck. Someone was feeling frisky.

I saved my work and put my laptop down on the coffee table as Edward hopped over the couch and planted himself firmly across from me, pulling me into his lap. "How goes the writing?"

"Slow, but it's happening, right?" I replied as Edward silenced me with a searing kiss and his hands began moving slowly across my body. I repositioned myself so I was straddling him, his arousal clear as day between us, as our kissing continued, hot and passionate. Edward gripped my ass and stood from the couch, carrying me with him to the settee. "I've always wanted to have you here," he admitted, his voice filled with lust and want. He set me down gently, his hands moving reverently on my body as he undressed me.

With my back pressed against the bottom of the settee, Edward hovered over me before his lips found purchase against my neck and he began nipping and kissing my overheated skin. His hands moved slowly, touching me with purpose, as he slid the hem of my shirt up and began kissing his way up my stomach. Once he reached the underside of my breasts, he was quick to peel off my shirt followed by my bra.

"You are beyond beautiful," Edward uttered quietly as his lips met mine again, this time with more passion and desperation. My hands found their way into his hair, pulling him closer to me as I hitched one of my legs onto his back, doing everything in my power to eliminate the space between us. I felt like there was always too much. Even when he was deep inside me, our bodies wrapped around each other, I needed more. "I love you."

Kate said this unyielding longing and desire I had for him was love, but I wasn't so sure. I thought about him constantly and when I woke up each morning, it put a huge smile on my face to see him lying beside me, but was that love? Did I love him? I couldn't say it if I wasn't certain.

"I adore you," I responded, feeling a little remorseful, but Edward simply kissed me again, his eyes shining with happiness.

Seconds later, he pulled me by the waist of my pants to the edge of the settee and began pulling me free of the rest of my clothing. Once I was completely nude and spread out for him, Edward took his time worshipping me with his mouth, tongue and fingers. My body ached and cried out for more. Each touch seared my skin and made me yearn for things I couldn't verbalize. Things like forever.

"You are so responsive to me," Edward said as I came around his fingers, one leg over the back of the settee as my hands gripped the edges roughly. "You were made for me, I knew it. The moment I first laid eyes on you," he said genuinely as I heard the sound of his pants dropping to the floor. Before I even had a chance to reacquaint myself, Edward was thrusting his cock deep inside me as I moaned loudly in sheer pleasure.

With one hand on my hip and the other clutching my ankle that rested on the top edge of the settee, Edward pushed and pulled inside of me, claiming me and loving me in ways that only he could. The furrow of concentration on his brow, the look of pure lust and desire on his face, all of it made me clench and ache.

It didn't take long for both of us to slip past the edge and come screaming in release, but it was the gentle kisses after the furious fucking that made me smile from ear to ear. Edward was nothing if not a contradiction when it came to the bedroom. He wanted to show me how much he loved me, but he was so young and eager to please that sometimes he just couldn't control himself. Not that I was complaining; not in the least. He was a wonderful and giving lover and I was lucky as fuck that he was mine.

With our breathing settled, Edward pulled me down onto his lap on the floor and kissed me tenderly as he wrapped his naked body around mine. "I love you." His eyes were, once again, full of love and adoration, but I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I know."

Not too long after, as I began to fall asleep on the settee, I could hear Edward move around the room, clearly restless. Soft music began to float through the living room and then I heard some rustling before a huge sigh fell from Edward's mouth. I fell asleep moments later, but I could feel as though Edward was painting me.

A week before Edward's gallery opening, I came home from class, completely expecting to find him painting like a madman, but the loft was empty.

"Edward?" I called out, but there was no response and I was surprised to find that I was somewhat relieved. I was hoping, although fruitlessly, that he was catching up on some sleep because he had been like a zombie the past few days. His focus was solely on finishing his work and every now and then he'd need me, and we'd be fucking furiously on whatever surface or in whatever room we were in. I never complained because I understood how focused he was and he promised that as soon as the showing was over, things would go back to normal.

I was really looking forward to that.

I went into our bedroom and changed into my comfortable clothes, determined to put a dent into my thesis outline so that I would be prepared when I met with my professor the next week. However, just as I was about to pull my laptop out from my bag, my cell phone rang instead.

"Hello," I replied coolly, not recognizing the number on my display.

"Is this Isabella Swan?" Ah fuck. I thought I had paid off all my bills? Had I missed one and now creditors were after my ass.

"Who's calling?"

"This is Dr. Marks from Forks General Hospital," he stated succinctly. "I'm sorry to have to call you like this Isabella, but your father was taken to Forks General Hospital this afternoon after suffering a heart attack at work."

My heart fell from my chest and I grabbed the edge of the bed, needing to sit down. "When… when did it happen?"

"A little over an hour ago, ma'am."

"Okay."

I didn't hesitate or think twice. Instead, I grabbed a bag out of the closet and shoved some clothes into it, making sure I had the essentials, as I thanked Dr. Marks for calling and headed out the truck, hoping like hell that it would make the long journey back to Forks. I needed it to be fine.

I needed my dad to survive. After everything he had been through, he was nothing, if not a survivor.

**A/N: It's a complete 360 from this story, but have you checked out Christmas Nuts by me and Risbee? It can be found in our joint profile risbeencoldplaywhore and is chock full of nuttiness and a psycho cat named Snickers.**


	17. Hope II

**So, this is my new years gift to all my lovely readers. I didn't think I would get it out in time, but yeah me! MaggieMay14 betas this like a champ, my favorite comment from this chapter was 'Holy Crap Batman', and I love her for it. Risbee and Acinad816 are superstars and pre-read my crap with what I assume to be big smiles on their faces since I can't see them LOL.**

**Like always, the chapter title is a painting by the author whose quote is listed below. I recommend checking it out after the chapter.  
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**I don't own Twilight. I do own the Hunger Games series (finally) and am five chapters in. Who's proud of me?**

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><p><em>Although even when I am being idle I have plenty of food for thought both early and late - thoughts both about and not about art. - Gustav Klimt<em>

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**November 2011  
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Against my better judgment, I didn't sleep on Emmett's couch that night. I found a twenty-four hour grocery store and stocked up on some essentials for Bella like milk, bread and peanut butter, before heading back to the loft. When I got there, I put all the food away and then checked on Bella, who was tossing and turning restlessly as she attempted to sleep in our old bed. It took all of my willpower not to go and console her.

I leaned against the doorjamb and watched for far too long, as she didn't quite succeed in getting any rest. My memories flooded back to me of all the times we had spent together in that bed, the good and the bad. Bella wasn't aware of it but a lot of times when I had difficulty painting, and she was asleep, I would come in and watch her for a little bit. She used to smile and mumble a lot in her sleep, it was actually very endearing, and very much the opposite of the restlessness she was dealing with now.

After watching her for almost thirty minutes, I glanced at my watch and realized I should try to get a few minutes of sleep. I attempted to sleep on the couch, but it wasn't exactly the most comfortable. So, instead of staring off at the ceiling, or going back and being super creepy by continuing to stare at Bella, I found myself gravitating towards the old guest bedroom that held all of my old supplies.

Quietly, I moved through the room, pulling sheets off of ruined canvases and uncovering brushes, paints and supplies I had forgot I even owned anymore.

Right before Bella left I had less than a week to go till a gallery showing, but it never happened. The paintings were due to be picked up at the loft two days after Bella left and I managed to destroy almost all of them in my anger. They were still here, ripped and torn, painted and even burned, serving to remind me of the worst period of my life. My name had basically been ruined in the art industry after my showing was cancelled, but the one gallery in San Francisco that still contacted me didn't seem to think I was a has-been, even though I felt like one.

I opened a drawer in my supply cabinet and was surprised when my fingers moved reverently over the dozens of different brushes and palette knives, the wood of their handles smooth under my touch.

My stool was perched in the corner and I moved forward tentatively to sit on it, taking in the scene before me. Ruined paintings covered in splashes of paint. Images of Bella I spent hours, sometimes days, perfecting were now filled with holes in them from my angry punches and some I even took knives to in an effort to erase the months of my life that Bella had turned upside down.

I knew I was young and impressionable, but I was so absolutely head over heels in love I with her that thought nothing could touch us. I didn't realize just how wrong I was though. Then again, I had never loved so completely and all encompassing before, or after, Bella.

Regardless of how things fell apart between us, I had experienced love and that was better than anything else I had ever known in my life.

Of course, I never even knew if Bella had loved me back. I had my suspicions that she loved me as much as I did her, but she never said anything. I tried to encourage it, constantly telling her how I felt, but not once in our short relationship did she ever utter those three simple words to me. I should have known, when she didn't respond to my declarations, that things weren't right. I was so wrapped up in preparing for the gallery showing that I clearly missed some sort of sign that things were going downhill.

Would it have made a difference if I had known though? I wasn't sure. Then again, I wouldn't have answers to any of my questions until Bella and I talked about what happened between us back then.

Before I realized it, I had grabbed a blank canvas from behind me and perched it onto the easel, staring at it and feeling my hands shake unsteadily. The first supplies I had ready were an assortment of charcoals, so without thinking, I began to draw. The dark black of the charcoal was a shock against the bright white of the canvas, but I couldn't stop my hands from moving over and over again, an abstract image of the Bella I used to love, coming to life.

"Edward?" I heard softly a little while later, as I brushed the hair from my eyes with my blackened hands. "Are you…?"

"Painting?" I replied, finishing Bella's question. I shrugged my shoulders and took a quick glance to my left, where Bella was standing in the open doorway. Her hands were wrapped around her body, clinging to herself, and her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail. She still looked as pretty as she ever did. Regardless of what time had done to her and her self-esteem, it had been nice to her figure and beautiful face. "No… not really. I'm drawing."

"When was... the last time you drew?" she asked, clearly nervous about the answer I was about to deliver.

"January 15th." Bella left on January 16th.

We had celebrated the New Year together, making love and declaring promises for the next year and the rest of our lives together. I had such hope that day that all of our dreams would come true. I had no idea that just two short weeks later our house of cards would come crumbling down.

"I shouldn't have asked," she replied timidly, as she tightened her hold on herself.

"No, you shouldn't have left," I replied snidely before my conscience got the better of me. I put down the charcoals and brushed at my face with the back of my hand, remorse setting in. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for."

"No, it really wasn't. I deserve whatever you want to throw my way. However, I should have done things a lot differently, but I had to leave," she said simply as she sat on my stool in the corner that I had long abandoned to work on the drawing of her. "It's nice… the picture, I mean."

"I've done better," I replied as I used my finger to smudge parts of the image in an effort to perfect it. "I will admit that it's nice to be able to work again. I just… I couldn't sleep. I couldn't shut off my mind, so I came in here. Next thing I knew I was drawing."

"My dad died," Bella said softly as I stopped suddenly and turned to look at her. "Not recently… it was almost five years ago. He died on January 19th, 2007. I still remember the day like it was yesterday, you know?"

Holy shit. Was she about to tell me everything that had happened to us? The reason why she left?

I sat frozen to the spot because I worried if I moved or suggested we go sit down in the living room that Bella would stop talking, and I wouldn't get to the heart of why she left me. Emmett had been right when he told me I needed to know what had gone down all those years ago. I needed it so much, and I hadn't realized it until she began talking to me a moment earlier.

"It was a heart attack at first, but then he had a stroke. I remember walking into the loft and putting my purse down on the table and then going to get changed in our... in the bedroom. You were still in class or something," Bella explained as I watched her brush some tears off her reddened cheek. "My cell phone rang and it was a doctor from Forks General telling me that dad had been rushed to the hospital."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," she sobbed quietly, as she used the hem of her shirt to try and stop the tears. "Ever since my mother left, it had just been my dad and I. My life revolved around him and then she left to go be the woman of wealth she always wished she had been with my dad. So when I heard he was sick, the only thing I could think about was getting to him. I regret it all now, of course, but I hopped in my shitty old truck and made my way to Forks as quickly as I could. I was shocked that the truck got there at all considering it had been on its last legs for so long. My cell phone was dead and I didn't know it when I left the apartment. I was so focused on my dad, I didn't think about contacting you, and when I did, I didn't know how to. Your number was in that phone and no where else."

I was completely silent, because I didn't know what to say. Could I get where she was coming from? Sure, but it didn't make it any easier, nor did it answer most of my questions. Her dad died, but she didn't contact me? That was what didn't make any sense. I opened my mouth to speak and Bella lifted her hand to silence me.

"Let me get this out before... before I can't… okay?" I simply nodded and Bella took a deep breath before continuing. "At the hospital my dad was in really rough shape. Since my mother had left, his drinking and smoking had gotten worse, so his body wasn't in any shape to help him get better. I saw this at Christmas and though he told me things weren't as bad as I thought, I shouldn't have listened to him. I should have known he wasn't taking care of himself. Shortly after I got to the hospital, he suffered a series of small strokes that basically left him brain dead. Things didn't get any better after that because then I began to get sick myself."

I looked at Bella, certain that surprise was in my expression, but I fought my urge to console her. I wanted to know everything. Each tiny little detail that made her leave me was important and if I was going to move on and potentially help her do the same, I had to make amends with everything.

"I remember it, clear as day, as I sat in the drab brown colored room at the hospital where they break the bad news to families. Except I was all alone; I didn't have a family. I probably could have called my mother and she would have come, but I didn't think about it. I should have called you, but again, all I could think about was my dad. When his doctor told me about the strokes that left him brain dead, he told me the only thing they could really do for him was make him comfortable until he passed away. They wanted me to agree to remove him from the ventilators that were keeping him alive.

"I sat in the hideous room for over three hours, crying until I had no more tears to cry, and finally agreed to let my father pass peacefully. I stayed by his side, holding his hand and praying for a miracle that would bring him back to me, but it was pointless. A little less than five hours after they took him off the breathing machines, Charlie died, my hands clutched in his as I continued to pray."

"Bella… you didn't have to do it alone. I just wish…"

"When the nurses tried to help me leave the room, I collapsed."

Jesus Christ.

I knew Bella's life hadn't been the best while we had been apart, but the reason she left me still didn't make sense. It was like I was missing some of the most important pieces to put the puzzle together.

"My stomach hurt so fucking bad, Edward," she admitted as her quiet sobs began to pick up and she couldn't be bothered to push away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. "I had no idea what was going, but I had been cramping for the two days I had been with my dad, fighting for him to live, while unknowingly killing…"

"What?"

"I was pregnant, Edward."


	18. Painted Plaster Mask

**I said I was gonna update on Friday, so here I am. Thanks to MaggieMay14 for her mad beta work on this beast. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read like champs and I love them madly.**

**I also love the adorable Obsmama for reccing this little story over on the Lemon Report this week. I know, we've been missing some lemons as of late, but I swear they are coming!**

**This story is labeled as angst. If you don't like that sort of thing, don't read it :)**

**I don't own Twilight. I am done the first two books of the Hunger Games Trilogy though.**

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><p><em>We must not fear daylight just because it almost always illuminates a miserable world. - Rene Magritte<em>

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**January 2007**

There are few things I remember clearly from the early days when I returned to Forks. I remember sitting beside my father for what seemed like hours on end, clutching his hand and begging for him to come back to me. I can recall when the doctor told me that the best thing for my father, and me, was to take him off the ventilator and let him pass peacefully because there was nothing more they could do for him. And I remember watching him pass away as I cried, hell I practically convulsed, at his side wishing I could turn back the hands of time and somehow protect him from this cruel fate.

Then, it became a bit of a blur.

The nurses told me, in detail as they tried to refresh my memory, what had happened after my father passed, but even now, as I sat on my father's beloved armchair in his small house, it all seemed so surreal.

I _had_ been pregnant.

With Edward's child.

A child that was never 'viable' because I had suffered through what was called an ectopic pregnancy. The doctors told me all the medical mumbo jumbo about how the egg was in my fallopian tube when it was impregnated and that I could never carry the child to term that way. I knew the logic behind it all, and why I suffered the miscarriage, but it didn't make me feel any better about the situation. In fact it made me wonder if there was something horribly wrong with me.

If it had been a normal pregnancy, even with the Charlie's death, I wouldn't have thought twice about keeping the child. Our child.

Regardless of the fallout happening between Edward and me, I would have kept him or her and raised them. I would have loved that child more than anything in the world. My hand wrapped around my stomach, as I was apt to do these days, and stared outside at the snow that was falling softly in the early night.

My mother was hovering close by in the kitchen, drinking a tea while talking to her husband on the phone about the arrangements for Charlie's funeral, which was going to be held in two days. The hospital had called her when I was unconscious because she was listed as my emergency contact, following my dad of course. I wished I had the foresight to change that information after she left us years ago, that way I wouldn't be stuck with her here now, trying to run my life.

I hadn't been pleased when I saw her walk into my hospital room two days after my father had passed. She barked out orders to the nurses and insisted on seeing my doctor immediately, before she even came close to me to offer any sort of consolation. In fact, she skipped completely over the fact that I had been pregnant and acted like I was just sick or depressed because of my father's passing.

Even as I glanced into the kitchen and saw her smiling as she spoke to Marcus, I loathed her for acting like coming to Forks was a pain in the ass for her and my pregnancy was a blemish to her perfect little life.

"Isabella, would you like any dinner?" Renee called out from the kitchen a little while later as I heard her going through the cupboards. "There's not much here, but I could probably get together some soup, or we could call out to that little Chinese place in town you always liked." Renee finished by coming into the room and stroking my hair softly, which caused me to cringe and recoil from her touch.

"They closed down China Star two months after you left Dad," I replied coldly.

"Oh… well that was a shame. I always enjoyed their food," she said simply, trying to sound upbeat about everything, which made my stomach roll. "I can always run down to the grocery store I suppose. It's still open this late, right?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to keep up your strength, Isabella. You have to meet with the funeral home tomorrow for the final arrangements and then we have a visitation tomorrow night and the funeral the next day. Plus… it's not good for your…"

"You can say it, mother. It's not good for my healing after my miscarriage if I don't eat, but you know what? I honestly don't give a flying fuck," I exclaimed as I stood up and stared at her, my voice trembled and my entire body ached. "You come here, trying to play the part of my mother, which you gave up the right to do years ago, and I want to throw up. You're being fake and I wish Dad were here instead of you. I wish anyone was here instead of you," I replied in a monotone, almost bored voice. Though my mother frustrated me to no end, I couldn't find it in me to exert the energy needed to get furious with her.

"Sometimes you have to make difficult decisions in your life…"

"Like abandoning your family?" I snapped coolly.

"I didn't want to abandon you Isabella, but I was unhappy living in Forks with your father. I wanted more from my life."

"You certainly got that, didn't you? How is Marcus these days, mother? Still keeping you accustomed to fancy cards, sparkly jewelry and black AMEX cards?"

"Regardless to what you believe, Isabella, I am not with Marcus because of his money. I truly love him, in a much different way than I once loved your father."

"You never loved Charlie! If you did, you never would have left him the way you did. Just go back to Chicago and leave me alone."

I stormed up the stairs, ignoring her sniffles and murmurs, as I sat down on my bed and clutched at my stomach again. The ache and soreness still remained, but more than anything, it was emptiness I felt at losing Charlie, Edward and our baby, who never had a chance.

The day my mother arrived at the hospital was also the first day that Kate showed up. It seemed that Kate had called around to everyone I knew when Edward called her panicked at my disappearance.

Apparently on the first night Edward was worried when he couldn't find me and had thought the worst when all of my belongings remained, with the exception of my purse and rickety old truck, but I was missing. Kate finally called my mother and reached her just before she was about to leave for her red eye flight. Renee quickly filled Kate in on what was going on and Kate arrived late the next afternoon, but it wasn't with good news, or Edward, like I had been hoping.

My mother had already filled me in and told me that she had talked to Kate, so it was no surprise when she frantically came through my hospital room door, but the fact that she was alone and looked more heartbroken than me, did me in. I begged my mother to leave us alone for a few minutes and when the door closed quietly behind her, I looked imploringly at Kate.

"Just tell me."

"What if it makes things worse?"

"I can't see it getting any worse than this, Kate," I replied as I motioned with my hand to the shitty room I was stuck in. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

"I went this morning to see Edward and talk to him about everything, like where you had gone to and why you hadn't called," she said simply as she simultaneously reached into her bag and pulled out my cell phone charger. I was somewhat relieved to see it, but I had a feeling that being able to call Edward now wasn't going to make a difference to me. I just wished I had the presence of mind to have his number somewhere other than just in my dead cellphone. "He wasn't alone."

"Kate…" I implored as she sat down in the chair at my bedside and gripped my hand firmly. It was all too reminiscent of my father just days earlier, so I pulled my hand away and sat up straighter. I acted like I was ready to face whatever it was she had to tell me, but I knew I wasn't really. This was too much all at once.

"Fine. Like I said, he wasn't alone when I got there. I tried to call the number you had given me for him when you first moved in, but there was no answer, so I headed over there thinking he would just pack a bag and join me to come here. However, when I got to the building, I was buzzed in and met by some trashy skank dressed in virtually nothing who could barely speak English. Edward was passed out on the couch, with just a towel around his waist and the Russian bitch acted like she owned the place."

I was speechless and even though I had cried for the past few days, I couldn't help but cry more, even though I hated myself for it. I had been gone for a few days, and sure I hadn't been able to contact him, but did he really have to resort to cheating on me?

No, there was no way Edward would go and have sex with someone else. That wasn't like him. Then again, neither was the fact the he was passed out and hanging with some Russian girl I had never met or even heard of before. Was it possible that I didn't know Edward nearly as well as I thought I had?

"There were bottles of vodka everywhere and the Russian tart sat down beside his sleeping body and began to do lines off coke the coffee table. She was high as a fucking kite and kept asking me weird shit in broken Russian, none of which I understood. I tried to wake Edward up, but when he saw me, he had a freak out and locked himself in the bathroom. I knocked and tried to talk him out, but then some big guy came in and began screeching at me and the Russian."

"What in the fuck?"

I was literally aghast with surprise, especially when she mentioned the cocaine. Kate came closer, wrapped her arm around my shoulder and held onto me tightly. "The big guy was his brother Emmett, and he made me leave with the half naked bitch. He seemed to want to knock some sense into Edward, but I never had a chance to tell him who I was and why I was there. When I headed back to the city to get Garrett, we'll check in on Edward together and talk some sense into him. I'm sure this is all some big misunderstanding." Kate sounded so hopeful, but if I was being honest with myself, I didn't feel the same.

"I'm sure," I said sullenly as I pictured Edward lying on the couch, passed out. It was so unlike him that I couldn't quite figure out his motives for doing it. Why? Yeah, I had been gone four days and I hadn't been able to call him since I didn't know his number off by heart and my cell phone had been dead. Plus, I had been confined to the hospital bed for a few days, but if Kate said she would talk to him, I had to keep the faith.

That night Kate slept at a motel a few blocks away from the hospital, the same motel my mother was staying at actually. When they left, I plugged in my cell phone and as soon as I turned it on, it began chirping with the sound of text and phone messages. They were mainly from Edward, with a few from Kate as well.

_Bella, where are you? – E_

_Call me when you get this – E_

_Are you coming home tonight? – E_

_Jesus Bella, I'm starting to get worried. Where the fuck are you?_

They quickly became more and more frantic and tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about how much I had hurt him, but it had never been my intention. I just needed to get to my dad, and I would never regret spending those last few days with my father as he passed away, even if he didn't know I was there.

I listened to the voicemails, and each one grew more despondent and my heart ached for him, but it was the last one that killed me.

"_Bella, I have no idea where you are," _he slurred drunkenly as I heard giggling in the background and my body shivered in fear. What had he done?

"_Come back to bed, Edvard," _I heard a foreign voice chime out in broken English and I assumed this was the woman who Kate had mentioned seeing. _"Edvard, come…"_

"_Fuck off, Irina_," he shouted angrily. _"Bella… I loved you more than anything and you've hurt me, so I'm doing the only thing I can think of to hurt you." _Consider yourself successful, Edward. _"I hope you are happy with yourself, wherever the fuck you are. You were everything good in my life and you've fucking ruined it…and me."_

"_Edvard, come with me…"_

"_If you don't come for your shit in the next few days I'm going to give it away to Goodwill."_ I could hear fumbling and something breaking in the background. I think Edward assumed he had hung up the phone, but he hadn't. "_Irina, where the fuck is the coke? I need for everything to go the fuck away."_

I threw my phone on my ground, watching as it shattered into pieces, and one of the nurses came in, looking startled by the noise, to make sure I was okay. I brushed her off and she left with a small frown on her face, but I'm sure she was relieved I was all right, at least physically.

Inside, I was dying a little bit more.

"Isabella, Kate is here," my mother announced from my bedroom door as she adjusted her long black dress so she looked impeccable. Her hair was up in a tight bun and pearls hung around her neck and from her ears. She looked every bit the grieving widow, except she wasn't. "She would like to drive you to the funeral."

"What does it matter?" I questioned as Kate appeared behind my mom, who quickly moved out of the way to let my best friend pass.

When Kate got back to Seattle, she grabbed Garrett and headed over to Edward's apartment, hell bent on kicking the shit out of him. Unfortunately, what she found was even worse than the first time. Edward was high and destroying everything in the loft. Paintings were destroyed, covered in rips, paint and some were even burned. His brother Emmett was trying to get him to stop, as Irina, the Russian whore was encouraging the madness claiming that it was freeing for him and would make him an even better artist. She was full of shit in my opinion.

Kate told me that she tried to confront Edward and tell him that he had gotten everything wrong about me and had assumed the worst, but he wouldn't listen to apparently called me every name in the book, accused me of using him simply for money and a place to live, and practically called me a whore. In fact, he probably did call me a whore, but Kate was being nice in her retelling of the encounter.

When she tried to explain that my phone was dead, he simply responded that I was dead to him and forced her out of the apartment. Emmett agreed to let Kate come back in a few days to get my belongings and he apologized for his younger brother. By the time she finished her story, I felt numb.

Much like how I felt hours before we were due to bury my father.

"I've lost everyone and everything that ever meant anything to me and the idea of going to celebrate my father's life just seems laughable to me. The man hasn't enjoyed life since _she_ walked out of it years earlier."

My mother scoffed and turned on her heel, walking downstairs where Garrett was waiting to usher us to the funeral home. Charlie wasn't a very religious man, so a church service seemed redundant, and the funeral home in town really was the largest venue. Apparently, though my father lived a quiet life, he had many friends from the Mill and the town that wanted to pay their respects.

"Listen to me, Isabella Marie Swan," Kate said forcefully as she sat beside me on my bed and gripped my hands with hers. "Life may seem like utter shit right now, but you are not a quitter. You are strong, independent and smart as hell. Charlie wouldn't want to see you waste your life away. You will get past all of this and be a better person for it. You may not see that today or even next month, but it will happen."

After the funeral, Kate went back to Seattle and showed up three days later with all of my things from Edward's loft. My mother had stayed for a few days, but I was quick to usher her back to Chicago and out of my life again. It was clear when she left that she wanted to rekindle our mother-daughter relationship and there was no way I was ready for that.

I stayed in Forks for a little while and settled everything related to my father's estate. I was the beneficiary of everything, including a life insurance policy for $100,000 and the deed to his house, which was paid in full. Charlie had a few small savings accounts and a 401K which all were left to me as well. By the end of February I had over $150,000 in my bank account after I had paid off all my bills that were overdue in Seattle.

All I really wanted was my father back.

I spent my days sitting around his small house and reminiscing on happier times that we shared. Several times a week guys from the mill, or their wives, would show up to pay their respects again and offer casseroles and baked goods. It was oddly comforting to know that Charlie had so many people that loved him, but then it made me wonder where those people were in his last few months. Charlie died with no one, and I couldn't help but feel to blame for that. I should have been there, and I was also leading myself down a path just like his. If it wasn't for those random visitors and sporadic phone calls from Kate, I would have been alone constantly.

I cleaned out Charlie's closet and cried my eyes out for hours afterwards, not realizing how heartbreaking it would be to pack away all this flannel shirts and work clothes. It was difficult to sort through his life and act like it was nothing of consequence. Charlie had been my father, my rock, and was the most important person in my life. I only wished things could have been different in his final days.

The clothes were sorted and given to charity along with some kitchen appliances I would never use and some small dusty knick-knacks. I sold his old truck for a few hundred dollars and then sold mine to a restorer for almost a grand. I was sure he was getting a good deal, but I didn't care. I wanted it gone. With the money I had from Charlie's estate, I bought myself a reliable used SUV.

As February turned into March, I touched base with my advisor at school, since I was technically still enrolled. She wanted me to finish my degree and though all I really needed to do was write my thesis, I couldn't find it in me to do it. I couldn't focus on writing or reading anything, let alone romantic poetry which would simply remind me of Edward.

I had tried my best to exorcise him from me, but some days it was easier said than done.

At night I would lie awake in bed, my hand on my stomach, and wonder how far along I would have been in my pregnancy. Would I be showing? Would we have had a boy or girl, and if so, what name would we have chosen? I could picture Edward wanting to choose names related to his favorite artists, like Alexander, and I would go with something more traditional like Audrey or Grace.

I'd cry myself to sleep those nights and dream of Edward lavishly painting the nursery with bright colors and beautiful scenery filled with lifelike trees and little forest animals that looked practically real. It would be beautiful and perfect for our child. Then I would picture Irina, the Russian bombshell, holding our baby and I would wake up in a cold sweat, unable to calm my breathing. Regardless of whatever I tried, I always saw Edward holding our baby with other women. He was never with me.

Come July, I was ready for a major change of scenery. Forks felt stifling and I was finding myself bored out of my mind. Kate had been calling constantly trying to get me to visit her in Chicago, where she and Garrett had settled after he took the job he had been offered, but I was against the idea because it also meant potentially having to visit my mother and her husband.

However, when I suddenly began having nightmares every single night about Edward and our child, I decided I needed to do something.

I stayed with Kate and Garrett for a weeklong vacation, and the entire time she looked at me with concern and told me I needed to get out of Forks. She could see that I was wasting away, both my mind and body, in that small town and that it was unhealthy for me. She offered me the spare room in their brownstone and by Labor Day I had moved in, after heading home and packing up my stuff. I also managed to sell Charlie's little house in Forks for a decent profit.

I wavered back and forth between enrolling in college to finish my degree or just finding a job to make it through the day. Down the street from Kate & Garrett's place, I found a part-time job in a small bookshop and it seemed to distract me enough that my nightmares subsided for a while.

However, on Thanksgiving I finally bowed to the pressure of my mother and agreed to a family dinner with her and Marcus. It was awkward and filled with family members from Marcus's family who I had never met before, so I exited early, but not before Marcus offered me a job at his firm. I swiftly turned him down.

My mother showed up at the bookstore one day right before Christmas and attempted once again to make amends. She invited me over for Christmas Eve dinner and though I didn't really want to go, I decided it was probably for the best. I wanted to give Kate and Garrett some space since I felt so much like a third wheel. At dinner, Marcus again offered me a job at his office, but I this time, deciding that I should try and make more money so I could move out of Kate's place, I accepted.

It was six months later that I first met Peter and my life continued its downward spiral.

**A/N: In case you were wondering, 'how in the hell can I meet CPW and get sloppy drunk with her', because I assume this is everyone's New Years Resolution, I will be attending the Twi Fic Meetup in Vegas from June 8-10. In fact, I'm on the bloody planning committee. So, come on... sign up and come :) I'm not overly shy, I am overly annoying. I may buy you a drink ;) twificmeetup . blogspot. com**


	19. The Past and the Present

**Thanks to MaggieMay14 for her wonderful beta work. Risbee & Acinad816 pre-read and are shining stars. Big thanks to all of you lovely readers for toughing it out through all this emotional stuff. I promise, all of this was planned from the get go, so i hope you enjoy it.**

**I don't own Twilight. I did finish the Hunger Games though. It was awesome & I can't wait for the movie.**

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><p><strong>"It is often said that my heart is too open for my own good." - Henri Rousseau<strong>

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**November 2011**

"I was pregnant, Edward." Bella cried again, more violently this time, as I felt my fingers ball into fists and clench at my sides. "I didn't know it. We had been very careful, except a few times, but it didn't matter… it was an ectopic pregnancy, so even if we had been together, we couldn't have had it. It was just… a medical impossibility."

"You were… pregnant?" I asked, my voice tense as my teeth bristled roughly.

In all the times I had thought about what happened between us and why she had left me, I never once considered pregnancy or the death of her father as an issue. I had always thought I had done something that she didn't like or that I had been someone she couldn't be with. Perhaps I had been too much, too caring, too overbearing or too in love with her, and she left because of that. I always blamed myself, but really there was no one to blame.

"And you couldn't be fucking bothered to tell me?"

"The biggest regret in my life was not finding some way to call you after my cell phone died. I left the charger at the apartment and Kate only managed to find me when she decided to call my mother, who had been contacted by the hospital," Bella explained with tears pouring down her face as I fought the urge to scream at her.

"Why… just… why… didn't Kate come and get me?" I asked as I began to pace around the small room, pulling at my hair in frustration. This was way too much for me to handle.

Bella had been fucking pregnant with my child, one that she never would have been able to deliver, but I could have at least been there with her. "If she could have just come here or called me… I could have helped you… we could have dealt with… the losses… we could have done it together. Fuck!" I was livid at her for disregarding me in such a way. Sure, I was younger than her, but I was far more mature than she gave me credit for. I should have been there with her, helping her through everything, rather than being left alone and confused.

"Kate came here…" Bella paused and wiped some tears away, trying to gain some composure, as I looked at her shocked at the news that Kate had come looking for me. "It was a few days after I left that she came, because she didn't call my mother until just after I... after I was sick. Kate was hoping to bring you with her to come and see me… and she umm… she found some half-naked Russian woman answering your door and you were passed out on the couch, so she left and came to Forks."

"She what?" I yelled as I pushed the canvas I had just been drawing on onto the floor, knocking down the easel with it. Motherfucking Irina!

It had been three days after Bella left that I had first partied with her, but if I was being honest with myself, I didn't remember much for the next few weeks after that first night with her. I only knew what Emmett had told me, and that shit wasn't pretty. However, I couldn't believe now that Kate had tried to get me and I was….

"Kate came back with Garrett a few days later and you were even worse off than you were the first time she came. Emmett was trying to calm you down from whatever it was you were on. You also left me a rather 'colorful' voicemail telling me that you wanted me to hurt like just like you were hurting." Bella clutched tightly to herself again and her soulful eyes looked straight at me. I wanted to know the truth, but the more she spoke, the less I wanted to hear it. "In hindsight, I should have come back, but I wasn't in the right frame of mind to face you. It was all too much for me and then to have Kate tell me how she found you. I never thought... I just... I'm sorry."

"FUCK," I shouted as I stormed out of the room and Bella didn't follow. I thundered into the kitchen and began to search through all the cupboards for something, anything, to take the edge off. I couldn't handle this shit. I found my smokes buried in my coat pocket and immediately lit one, took a long drag and tried to find my breath. The cigarettes made me feel calmer, but not by much.

Bella hadn't meant to leave me; she was just trying to get to her father.

But instead he had died and she discovered he was pregnant with my baby; a baby we were never meant to have.

She tried to get to me, but I was so fucking busy being a self-destructive ass and snorting lines of coke up my nose, that I hadn't cared about anything else. I was probably high as a fucking kite and being ruined by Irina as Bella lied in a hospital bed, dealing with two losses all on her own.

I was a piece of shit.

"I… I don't blame you," Bella declared softly as she came into the living room ten minutes later and found me perched on the couch, tears stained on my face. "I should have done my best to try and reach you, but I was so overwhelmed by everything going on with my dad, I couldn't think straight. I broke your heart; I get that. I just didn't think you would move on so soon."

"I didn't… I haven't."

"Who was she? A new model?" Bella asked tentatively, as she sat down beside me, leaving us feel like we were an ocean apart even though it was mere inches. I could tell Bella didn't want to know the answer, but since we were attempting to be honest, I felt like I had to tell her everything.

"She was a fellow classmate at school. She… Irina… helped me forget everything… with coke." As if I wasn't ashamed before, I certainly was now.

"Oh."

"I never had sex with her, though not for a lack of her trying. I just… fuck. Do you know how much I wish I could go back in time and change everything? I wish I had been home earlier that day so I could have gone with you to Forks. I could have helped you with everything… your dad, the baby… everything. You shouldn't have had to deal with it by yourself."

"Kate arrived after I had the surgery to… you know… and she was with me when they told me I had lost one of my tubes, so it would be difficult for me to conceive in the long run. Not impossible, but difficult. Needless to say, I was pretty inconsolable," Bella explained softly. "I had never really thought about having kids, but knowing that I was pregnant with yours, and would never have it… it literally crippled me."

"I was so self-destructive when you left. I couldn't reach you…"

"My cell phone was dead."

"I didn't know where you had gone to…"

"I know."

"And I didn't have any contact information to reach anyone other than Kate…"

"I know, Edward. We were young, stupid and in love. We thought we were indestructible, but we were so wrong."

Young and stupid were right. I was both of those in spades. I was impatient and couldn't see the clouds through the trees since I spent all my time being self-destructive and self-loathing. One day. Twenty-four hours. If I had just waited one fucking day for Kate to come and talk to me all of this could have been avoided. God, I was so fucking stupid and young.

"I was such a fucking idiot. I should have known better, but I was so fucking immature and Irina just... she kept me believing the lies I was feeding myself." I clutched at my hair and began rocking back and forth, angry at myself for making everything ten times worse than it should have been. I didn't even feel soothed as I felt Bella's hand against my back, rubbing softly and trying to reassure me.

"By the time I was able to contact you, I didn't want to anymore," Bella admitted remorsefully. "Kate told me what she had seen and I just thought… I assumed you had moved on, so I gave up on us. I should have had faith. I should have called anyway and told you what happened, but I couldn't. I'm so sorry…" Bella's tears came once more and this time I didn't hesitate the pull her against me and let her cry onto my shoulder.

"How did you end up with Peter?" I asked, though I was hesitant. I probably didn't want to know the answer to the question, but it was important to me.

"After I buried my dad, I stayed in Forks at his house for several months, which was also a bad decision since I just cried and was filled with self-hatred. It's not like I was going to come back to Seattle, because I thought there was nothing there for me. I sent Kate to get my stuff and she met up with Emmett at your place a few days after the funeral to get it all."

"And I thought Kate liked me," I replied tensely as I brushed the back of my hand across my face, pushing away the tears. I still couldn't fathom the fact that I was almost a father – someone's dad – it was surreal to me.

"She did… until she saw you and the Russian whore," Bella replied with a soft smile. "I had my own issues to deal with, she didn't think I could deal with yours... particularly the cocaine use." I groaned softly and berated myself internally because I knew those had been some of my darkest days. "I stayed in Forks for a few months, just barely getting by as I tried to come to terms with both the death of my dad and our baby…"

"Did you know if…" Bella looked at me confused and I realized I didn't really want to voice my thoughts. It would make everything even more real, if that was possible. "Was it a boy or a girl? Did you know?"

"It was... it was too early to tell. I was only a few weeks along."

"Oh… okay." I was silent after that, not sure of what to say. It probably would have made it infinitely harder if I had known. I let out a small sigh and Bella darted her eyes down, acting like she hadn't been watching my every move.

"Peter is my biggest mistake." She looked down at the bottom of her shirt and fiddled with the hem before she turned to look at me. "Kate invited me to live with her and Garrett in Chicago after I visited them in July. Garrett had accepted a job there that started in the winter and Kate moved shortly after graduation. I had nothing keeping me in Forks, so I sold my dad's old house and moved. My mother was attempting to fix our relationship and she insisted that I would get better if I was closer to her. In hindsight, I wish I had never moved."

"Why?"

"I met Peter through my mother about seven months after I moved to Chicago. He works at the firm that my stepfather Marcus is a partner at. Renee held a dinner party and was trying to set us up, and I really wanted nothing to do with him. My mother wouldn't shut up about how great he was and how I would be so happy if I just met him, but it wasn't like that. He actually made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I think it was because he spent most of the night schmoozing Marcus." I snorted rudely, but it was just like Peter to ignore the girl for the job. Ever since he was small, it was his mission in life to be as successful as he could, stepping on anyone who got in his way. He was a bully and a complete asshole, and I was a little relieved Bella was out of his life. Regardless of what happened between us, she didn't deserve him. No one did.

"It was a few weeks later, while I was working part-time at the firm and taking legal assistant courses on the side, that I ran into him again and he asked me out."

"And you went."

"Actually I said no," Bella said softly. "Unfortunately, my mother called me a few hours later and practically forced me to agree to go."

"I just… I don't get why you are with him."

"I'm not anymore, remember?" Bella replied as she nudged my shoulder softly with hers, reminding me that she was here with me and not with him. Then again, it also reminded me of just how she ended up here and it made my blood boil.

"How could I forget?"

"My relationship with Peter started off a little rough, but as I got to know him he was a sweet-talker and he said all the right things." I cringed as Bella looked down again and I could hear her sigh as she gathered up her courage to tell me everything. "He kept long hours and usually only wanted to see me once or twice a week, which worked well for my self-loathing and depression. It kept Kate and Renee off my back about finding someone new and they thought I was moving forward."

"Were you?"

"Hardly. I was still hung up on you and what had happened. If anything, as things got worse between Peter and I, I decided that his treatment of me was just my punishment for losing our baby and hurting you like I did." I wanted to speak, but Bella was quick to silence me. "Just let me get this out, okay?"

"Okay," I replied softly, as my mind moved a mile a minute as I tried to fathom just how hopeless she saw her life if she thought being used and treated like shit by Peter was her punishment. No one deserved that, especially Bella. I could see how everything that happened wasn't solely her fault, we both played integral parts to our downfall, and I needed her to realize that. She needed to realize that.

"We had probably been together just over 2 years when we had our first threesome... with one of other attorneys at the firm. We were all drunk, at a company event and things just got out of hand." I ground my teeth together roughly as she continued. "Next time it was with another couple and Peter mainly watched and told us what to do. He loved to be in control. I just felt like I deserved to be treated the way he was treating me."

"How many more times?" I asked through clenched teeth as Bella let out another sigh, this one followed by tears.

"I don't remember. The last one was right before we were engaged. It was him and I at first while away on a company retreat with some of the other partners and attorneys. I was so drunk I didn't even notice the second guy or the third. All I remember were hands being everywhere, all over me. I felt so dirty and horrible because I wanted it, but I also felt deserving of the pain that was inflicted on me. It was just one big blur of fucking." Bella's tears began to fall harder and I rubbed her lower back, remembering how much she used to love that. As much as I wanted to hate her for letting things get so far, but she was so fucked up in the head, believing that she deserved everything she was given at the hands of Peter, I couldn't hate her. I needed to protect her.

"This one... there was... he taped it and when I threatened to leave him last night, he promised that the tape would ruin me and he would show it to everyone. I tried to get it from him when he ripped my shirt."

"That piece of shit," I uttered darkly as I felt Bella's small hand grip my forearm. "Regardless of the shit you think, no one should be treated like Peter has treated you. No one."

"I've left him and to be honest, I don't care what becomes of the tape," she said succinctly as I reached up tentatively and pushed the remaining tears off her cheek. "I've decided to try and make a new life and it won't include toxic people like Peter, Renee or even Marcus. I need to start fresh."

That was honestly the best thing I had heard her say all day.

"Speaking of that… I talked to Emmett and he's willing to go get your stuff from the hotel," I replied as Bella gave me a small smile that quickly turned into a frown. "Don't worry, Em doesn't assume that it will be easy, but if anyone could put the fear of god into Peter, it's Emmett. I'll also mention the tape to him. Maybe he can manage to get it from Peter so it can be destroyed. In the meantime, you can stay here until you get back on your feet, alright?"

"That's… it's much too nice of you, Edward. I do have some money of my own, saved up from when my dad passed, but it's all in investments that Peter thought would be safe. I can't access it easily."

"Well, it's not like the place is being used," I remarked casually, reminding Bella that I didn't live here anymore and the place was all hers. "You can get in touch with my mom and maybe she can find you a decent rental or something."

"Yeah, maybe," Bella replied as I watched her look down at her feet, clearly anxious. "When did you move?"

"When I got out of rehab," I admitted tentatively as Bella gave me a tiny smile. "I was a wreck for a few weeks, and even now I barely remember any of it. Emmett kicked my ass and shielded my parents from everything, because they would have had a fucking shit fit if they knew I was an addict."

"I'm glad Emmett helped you."

"Yeah, me too. Without him who knows where I would be right now. Probably dead," I said without thinking as I felt Bella tense beside me. "I'm sorry."

"No... it's fine. You are probably right. I just hate to think of the thought of losing you now that... you know, now that I've found you again." Bella seemed so hopeful for a moment that I couldn't help but offer her the first smile I'd had since I saw her last night. "Umm… now that you know… every single depressing and depraved moment of it, do you think…I mean… shit."

"You want to know if there's a chance for us, don't you?" Bella simply nodded as I let out a deep breath. "I'll be honest… I have no idea."

"Just cause… if there's no chance, I should probably go back to Chicago."

**AN: I will try very hard to get the next chapter out ASAP, but since it's Peter centric, and I hate that bastard, it's been difficult to write and edit. **

**In the meantime, if you are looking for something to read check out - The Hood by Lawn Girl, Renfield & Chiclets by Katinki and Take What You Want by purelyamuse.**

**Also, don't forget to sign up for the Twific Meetup in Las Vegas on June 8-10. Deadline to register is April 15th. Find out more at twificmeetup . blogspot .com**


	20. Femme nue couche

**Okay, this one may be a little bumpy. However, if you don't want to know what went down between Peter & Bella, you can safely skip this chapter, not that I recommend it. This is the last chapter of BPOV in the past. When we come to Chapter 22, we will finally get a glimpse of her in the present.**

**Usual thanks to MaggieMay14 for being the best beta ever. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read this story like superstars. They are better than Egg McMuffins.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do need coffee.**

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><p><em>"When we see men of worth, we should think of equalling them; when we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inward and examine ourselves."- <em>_Gustave Courbet_

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**May 2008**

"Isabella, I haven't asked much of you since you moved to Chicago, have I?" my mother asked one afternoon as we met for coffee downtown. I shook my head, knowing full well she was about to give me some sort of guilt trip or ask me something I would cringe at. It was usually how things worked and I never said yes to her, but I had a feeling this time she wouldn't take no for an answer. " I'm throwing a very important dinner party next week for some friends and associated of Marcus. We would really love it if you could come."

In my head I was already saying no as I pictured the awkwardness of the night – her introducing me to friends as though we had a close mother/daughter relationship, me hating the dress she shoved me into and her getting drunk as Marcus leered at me – who wouldn't love that? This was the fourth such event that my mother had invited me to and I had always declined. Though I hated to do it, I knew it would get her off my back if I said yes, and I wouldn't have to go to another one for the foreseeable future.

"Sure," I replied coolly as Renee's face lit up like a Christmas tree and Fourth of July fireworks combined. "I'll have to dig around to see if I have something to wear. Knowing you and Marcus, I am assuming this is a formal event?"

"Don't worry about it, Isabella. I'll send a few things that I think are appropriate to your place later in the week."

"No, really. You don't need to do that," I urged, already cringing at the thought of the hideous gowns she would send. She was trying desperately to hook me up with some of the younger associates that worked at Marcus's firm and it was really the last thing I wanted. If I was going to hate the evening, I could at least be comfortable.

"Have a little faith in me, please. I'll send some things by Wednesday and if you don't like anything, you can pick something else out, alright?"

"Fine," I huffed like a petulant child as Renee gave me a small smile, clearly proud of herself for wearing me down. I knew deep down inside that she was trying as best as she knew to mend fences with me, but it was difficult at best. I knew I needed to try a little more with her, but I also had to be willing, and I wasn't 100% ready for that.

Three days later, as I came home from work I found a large box sitting on my bed and Kate was beaming from ear to ear. "Open it," she said excitedly as she clapped her hands together. "It's from JPG."

"What?"

"Jean-Paul Gaultier. Only one of the most iconic fashion designers ever," she boasted as I kicked off my shoes and looked at the white box with trepidation. "I don't care what the dress looks like, or if you think your mother is attempting to buy your love, you are keeping it."

"What if it's a hideous animal print?"

"Keeping it."

"Horizontal stripes that make me look fat?"

"Keeping it."

"Brown suede and fringe?"

"You are fucking keeping it, Bella." I groaned at my best friend and lifted the lid off the box hesitantly, unsure of what the hell I would find, but I was happily surprised. Inside was a plum colored tulle halter maxi-dress, well according to the tag, that was rich in color and very beautiful. "Told you."

"Shut it," I snapped back as I dug around and found a pair of Manolo Blahnik slide sandals that would match perfectly to the dress.

"Fuck, I wish Renee was my mother," Kate commented off-handedly as she appraised the gifts with a huge grin. I couldn't help but feel my heart sink into my stomach at her words though. I wished I had anyone else as a mother, but Kate was being swayed with the extravagant gifts. "Well, not really cause she's a royal bitch, but I would take the dress with a smile on my face."

"You can have it when I'm done with it on Saturday night. Don't you and Garrett have some wedding to go to in a few weeks, it would be perfect."

"Yeah and show up the bride? No thanks," Kate giggled as I hung up the dress and slipped the shoes away, closing the closet door. "So how was work?"

I had finally accepted Marcus's offer to work at his firm, but it was nothing exciting. I was currently covering a maternity leave for one of the receptionists who would be back in three months, but Marcus was trying to convince me to stay on. He even offered to pay for legal assistant classes if I was willing. It wasn't exactly my life long dream, but I didn't want to have to pull from my savings every day and I wanted to try and make it on my own.

Kate & Garrett had been awesome friends to let me stay with them for a while, but I needed my own place and they needed privacy. As I sat with Kate on the couch that night, eating ice cream and watching stupid reality TV, I decided to just accept Marcus's offer and really start to move on with my life. It was the least I could do, right?

Saturday night I found myself with a champagne glass in my hand as I silently regarded all the people at my mother's dinner party. Lots of lawyers, both young and old, with the wives, mistresses and girlfriends who were twenty years their junior, circulated around the room like they were all entitled to the overprices champagne and crudités that were being offered.

I stayed clear of my mother after I arrived, making sure she knew I had done my duty, but once everything appeared to be completely handled by the hired staff, she made sure to come and find me. That was when the evening took a turn for the worse. I was introduced to virtually every person in the room, especially the single males, and by the time dinner was served my hand was cramping from shaking so many people's hands.

I scoped out the name cards on the table, done in perfect calligraphy, and sat down in my assigned seat, which was across from my mother and beside Marcus, who was at the head of the table. I quickly glanced down the table to see the other attendees, but as I turned away, I felt a hand grasp mine.

"I don't think we've had a chance to meet yet," declared the smooth voice as I felt him raise my hand and kiss the back of it. Needless to say, I pulled it away quickly.

"Oh, Peter, I couldn't find you earlier," Renee exclaimed as she interrupted us. "This is my daughter Isabella. The one I was telling you about." Oh god, I cursed as I closed my eyes tightly. I literally feared how many people she had talked to about me. Surely the figures were staggering because Renee was never one to do anything half-assed, unless it was parenting or being married to my father.

"Renee, her beauty doesn't do justice to what you told me," Peter claimed. I'm sure this is where I should have been swooning and giggling, but instead I grabbed the arm of a passing waiter and asked for a double shot of whisky. This night was going to be longer than I thought possible.

For the next two hours, Renee and Peter chatted amiably between themselves about me. It was like Renee was a fucking ad for match(dot)com or some shit like that. She told Peter all about my college life, moving to Chicago and my current job working for Marcus. Of course, she left out the parts about my father dying, me losing the love of my life and our baby, and my subsequent depression, but those were black spots to her. She wanted to focus on the positive.

Every so often, Peter would look to me for some sort of confirmation of a fact my mother had spewed, but I simply nodded my head and contributed as little as possible to the conversation as possible. Unfortunately, the moment I heard mention of July 4th and the possibility of a date, my ears perked up.

"What was that?" I asked, as I pushed my leftover dinner around my plate aimlessly. Of course Renee frowned at me, both for the lack of manners and for not paying attention.

"Marcus has invited Peter to the lake house for our July 4th festivities, which you have already agreed to attend, Isabella," my mother said sternly, reminding me once again why I should have said no to dinner tonight.

"That's nice."

"But I was just saying that I would also like to take you out for dinner before then, Isabella," Peter continued as I whipped my head around to stare at him straight on.

At any other time in my life, I probably would have found Peter attractive. He had dark blue eyes, sandy blond hair and a decent smile, but he was the opposite of everything I liked.

"Oh… I'm flattered, really, but I'm um… I'm not looking to date right now," I replied nervously as my mother glared at me, anger clear on her face. Peter nodded and gave me my mother a sweet smile. I felt buoyed that I had stood up for myself and rejected his offer, but it was short lived.

Later that evening, as I prepared to leave, Peter found me and cornered me before I could slip unnoticed out the door.

"I respect that you aren't looking to date, Isabella," he said forcefully as he leaned in close. "I'm just not one to be easily dissuaded from getting something that I want."

With that, Peter was gone.

**January 2009**

One night I was working late at the office, when Peter walked by my bosses' office and saw me perched at his desk.

"Does Diego know you are working in his office, alone, this late at night?" he asked as he leaned against the doorjamb and I did a double take, surprised to see him standing there. Though I often saw Peter around the office, I usually made sure to steer clear of him and we hadn't really talked since the July 4th party at the lake house.

"Peter. Oh… yes, Diego gave me permission to work here. I'm doing a little research for him actually."

"That's good to know. I would hate to look like an idiot," Peter declared as he came in and sat in the plush leather armchair directly across from me. "What are you researching?"

"Information for the Planation Project," I admitted as I typed away relentlessly, hoping that Peter would go away, but I wasn't that lucky.

"You know it's not safe working here alone at night, right?"

"I've been doing it for weeks, Peter. I think I will be fine."

"Will you go out with me?" Peter said bluntly, catching me off guard as I stopped typing and tried to catch the breath that had escaped me.

"I just…"

"Don't say no," he asked again, his voice practically begging. "There's a company event at the end of the month, why don't we go together and I can show you I'm not some complete asshole workaholic. I'll be the perfect gentleman, I promise." I nodded slowly, deciding that Peter had to be somewhat harmless if he worked for Marcus. Plus, what was the worst that could happen during a company function?

**July 2009**

Ah, the trials of dating an up and coming lawyer, I think as I rolled my eyes and slip out of the car. Peter was at my side, beaming like he just won the damn lottery, as he wrapped his arm possessively around my waist and led us into the beautiful estate where the dinner was being held.

I finally went out with Peter seven months ago and though I was nervous at first, things went better than I expected. He was blunt and straightforward with me, and I knew his career came first, which I honestly didn't mind. I liked being second best. Hell, I deserved it.

It had been over two years since my life fell apart and though I tried not to think about it, I couldn't help but let the darkness overwhelm me sometimes. Peter didn't seem to notice when I would have these moments since he was rarely around. I liked that too. I was able to get my mother off my back about settling into a relationship with a 'nice young man' and all my friends felt like I was moving forward. If anything, I was stagnant and self-destructive.

I tried to banish the thoughts of my past as Peter squeezed me into his side.

The firm had recently won a very huge settlement and in celebration they were having a dinner at the country estate of Robert Thompson, an original partner of the firm. We drove over an hour to the small town and checked into a local bed and breakfast, which Peter insisted on staying overnight at. He saw this as a mini-vacation, I saw it as yet another obligation of the firm.

"Remember, keep smiling and play nice with your mother tonight, please?"

"When do I ever not play nice with Renee?"

"Always," he replied stoically as we paused by the door and he rubbed his hands down my arms slowly. "This is a major night for me. Being on the team that reached this settlement was a huge step in the right direction for my career and I'd like to celebrate that."

Peter and I had rarely seen each other over the past few months as he worked his ass off on this particular case. He enjoyed that he was working side by side with Marcus and he came off as very loyal to the company, though I knew he would backstab them in a heartbeat if a better opportunity came along. Peter's main focus in life was climbing to the top as quickly as possible, and I knew I was just another step to the top – dating the boss's daughter – so to speak. However, I let out a small sigh and decided to simply follow Peter's lead for the evening. He deserved a break after all of his hard work.

"I'll be fine."

"You better be," I heard him mumble under his breath as we finished our steps up the stairs and we were welcomed into the home by Robert and his much younger, by almost 35 years, wife Afton.

"Isabella and Peter, we are so glad to have you," she gushed as I nodded my head and we shook hands amiably, my brain still trying to process what the heck Peter had meant with his last comment. Peter plastered on his usual 'business' smile and suddenly we were thrust into the dinner party and I found myself wishing I was anywhere else, with anyone else.

Early evening faded into night as people milled about, cockily discussing their exuberance at the settlement and growth of the company. Peter was in his element, schmoozing and ass-kissing the key players in the firm, as I remained at his side diligently, nodding my head or smiling when necessary. My mother and I exchanged pleasantries, but she was more interested in chatting with all her girlfriends, than talking shop like Peter was. I wasn't interested in either. I would have rather been back at my apartment with a glass of wine and a warm bath.

Shortly after dinner, as I downed my fourth glass of wine, Peter turned 'handsy' rather quickly. The dining room table hid his hands as they pushed the hem of my cocktail dress up far enough so that he could stroke the fabric between my legs. It also resulted in a reproachful frown from him, since he had specifically told me to go without panties and I hadn't listened.

"We'll discuss it later," he practically growled as he forced his fingers inside of me and I gripped the edge of the table, trying in vain to hold up a conversation with Afton about her oversized and gaudy chandelier. I pretended to come, just so Peter could stop and I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as he licked his fingers at a table filled with colleagues.

Once dinner was adjourned, most of the men opted for cigars, as I wandered into the hallway to see some of the original paintings Robert had on the wall. I was deeply focused on a painting of a nude woman draped on a settee as visions of my past with Edward flooded my mind.

_"Can you lie down?"_

_"On my back or stomach?"_

_"Stomach." I repositioned myself as he had asked, feeling a bit awkward at first._

_"Where you want my hands?" I asked as I felt his hands move leisurely along my shoulder, his fingers gripping the silk of the robe and pulling it down. I shivered; Edward licked his lips. Fuck, this was going to be a rough session if he kept this shit up._

_"Reach them up onto the arm of the settee." Once again, I followed suit and Edward slipped his hand beneath the robe, untying the sash and pulling it free. "I changed my mind, can you kneel a bit?"_

_I moaned wantonly as I felt his hand move against my bare back while I moved myself onto my knees, with my hands grabbing onto the arm of the settee in front of me. Edward moved around the settee in what seemed like slow motion, mumbling under his breath as I remained in place and aroused as hell. I could hear him adjusting lighting and flittering about, but when everything grew silent, I became worried. I lifted my head slightly to find Edward behind me motionless._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing," he growled as I watched him grab at his hair and pull on it roughly. "Fuck."_

_"What? Am I in the wrong position?" I asked, concerned, as I watched Edward stalk forward again._

_"No...fuck no. Not at all." Suddenly, I felt his hand against my lower back, sliding backwards along my ass, until his calloused and paint stained fingers found my slit._

_"Oh, Jesus," I groaned as my back arched slightly, giving Edward the encouragement he seemed to seek. The verdict was still out regarding whether my man was a virgin or not, because his fingers were doing such delicious things to me, I assumed he had to be experienced. They slid up and down effortlessly through my wetness, flicking and rubbing at my clit as I heard his labored breaths behind me._

_"I've never wanted to do something more than I've wanted this," Edward explained through a moan as I felt his thumb rub against my clit roughly as his index finger slipped inside of me. "Not even painting. I had to touch you, Bella."_

"It's a remarkable piece, isn't it?" an unknown voice asked as I stayed silent. "The woman reclining with simply her shoes and stockings. It's all very erotic. I heard Robert paid a pretty penny for this at auction several years ago."

"It's lovely."

"Gustave Courbet is the artist." I simply nodded, unsure of how to respond because this man wasn't really asking me a question; he was just showing how much he knew about art. I also didn't feel overly comfortable discussing art with a complete stranger. "You're Isabella, Peter's girlfriend and Marcus' daughter, correct?"

"I'd like to think that Isabella is a little more than simply my girlfriend," Peter replied as he interrupted, strolling up beside me to wrap his heavy arm possessively around my shoulder. "Isabella, I see you have met Brady."

"Pleased to meet you," I said quietly as I extended my hand and Brady held it for a bit too long, his fingers stroking the inside of my palm. "I'm assuming you work at the firm?"

"Yes, I handle the needs of our larger corporate clients. If I heard right, you are now working as a legal assistant down in the environmental law division?" I nodded softly, as I found myself wondering where Brady had learned so much about me. "She's more beautiful than you told me."

Brady was staring at Peter as he spoke, who was grinning like a cheshire cat. I looked up at him, my eyes a bit glassy from the wine as he turned his head and kissed me roughly against my lips. Before I could even comprehend was happening, Peter, Brady and I were behind closed doors as they both kissed my neck and kneaded my breasts enthusiastically.

My hands fell to my side as Peter unzipped my strapless dress, letting it puddle on the floor as I felt their hands moved over virtually every inch of my body. Brady stepped away for a moment, doing god knows what, as Peter kissed his way up the side of my neck and began to whisper softly in my ear.

"I need you to do this for me, Isabella." I gasped as his lips pressed firm against mine and I felt his hands grip the edge of my panties and pull them from me with a loud rip. "You are so fucking beautiful and sexy, I just want... I need to share this with him."

My mind was foggy and my arousal grew as Peter's fingers began stroking my clit firmly. "Just one night. I promise you will enjoy it, sweetness." I nodded my agreement, unwilling to argue with Peter at this point, and within minutes I was spread out on the bed with Brady's cock in my mouth as Peter devoured my pussy.

Though I did it for all the wrong reasons, worst was which was simply to placate Peter, I didn't hate my first experience with two men. What I hated was that Peter thought this was something I wanted to do frequently. In hindsight, I wish we had never done it.


	21. Blue Lovers

**I know, it's been a little bit, but RL has been crazy so far this year. I'm hoping to catch up this weekend now that a trade show I had to go to is over. MaggieMay14 betas this like a superstar and Risbee and Acinad816 are pre-reading queens who I adore. **

**Like usual, I don't own Twilight. I do have a daughter with a severely messy room we are about to clean. This is what I do with my days' off. LOL**

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><p><em>"If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing<em>." - _Marc Chagall_

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**November 2011**

"Chicago? What happened to starting fresh?" I asked surprised as Bella jumped slightly at the increased volume of my voice. I just couldn't fathom why in the hell she would want to go back to Chicago. There was nothing left there for her, right? Or were there still some pieces missing to the puzzle?

"Well, truthfully I would probably move somewhere completely different, but I would need to go back to Chicago to get my affairs in order, you know?" she replied, the lilt to her voice soft and sad. "It's just... it would be too hard to stay in Seattle without you, and I can't live in Chicago again."

"Where would you go?" I asked curiously as I watched her sit back against the couch and tuck her legs close under her again. I was glad to see that not everything had changed with her over the past few years.

"Well, with Seattle, Chicago and Forks out of the picture, maybe I can head somewhere east. I hear Boston is nice or maybe Philly or Charlotte. I'd probably like something near water, since I've had it around me my entire life." I nodded my head softly in understanding as my heart sunk into my chest slightly.

Even though I wasn't sure I was ready to be with Bella again, all of my emotions were far too raw and my life too unsettled, I didn't know if I wanted her moving across the country either. It was a slippery slope I was treading and I knew it. Either I had to let her go, or I had to see what we could salvage of what we used to have. Just as I was about to speak, Bella's stomach began to rumble and I quickly remembered the food I had in the cupboard.

Standing together in the kitchen, it felt much smaller than it really was. We fixed some toast with peanut butter and then each of us grabbed a glass of milk before settling back in the living room.

I watched Bella intently as we ate in silence and I tried to weigh all my options regarding her previous question. At the heart of it, it was a simple choice: either I wanted to be with Bella again or I didn't. I took a sip of my drink and looked at her from the corner of my eye, watching as she licked some peanut butter from her bottom lip.

She had been through a lot of shit in the past few years, but the crux of it all was that I couldn't help but think that she was still the same girl I was madly in love with for a few short months. She seared herself into my heart on the very first day I met her, and if I am being honest with myself, I've never truly let go of her. I tried, oh how I had tried to move on, but I had never truly let myself be with anyone else again.

Bella was it for me, I knew that, but I also couldn't help that niggling voice in the back of my head reminding me how completely she had broken me. Between the loss of our baby, her father and her appalling behavior with Peter, I wasn't sure I could move past everything. I didn't know how.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked, as she finished her toast and put her crumb-filled plate on the coffee table. "You seem tense."

"Yeah... just thinking."

"About?"

"Everything really," I admitted anxiously as I rested my plate on top of hers and then gripped the hair at the nape of my neck. Bella gave me a soft smile, trying to ease my nervousness, but it only made things worse. She was trying so hard to be nice and sweet, but suddenly all I could picture was her with Peter and two other men. My stomach immediately turned.

"You can ask me anything and I'll tell you the god's honest truth. I want us to be able to move past everything," she said simply as I watched her nervously wring her hands together as she curled her legs up under her again and faced me on the couch.

"What is your biggest regret?"

"I wish I had scrawled out a note to you, or had kept my cell phone charged," she replied cautiously.

"You never had your cell charged, Bella," I replied, giving her a small smile. "Five years of time apart could have been avoided if you had just been able to contact me. I know how you felt like you needed to be there for your dad, but I wish you could have felt like you could have relied on me and waited until I got home. I would have gone with you."

"I never thought about it at first. My only instinct was to get to my dad. He was my sole focus until he died and then it just became about surviving for me. It didn't help matters that you had your gallery showing coming up and I knew you were overwhelmed. I just... I didn't know what to do," she said softly as my eyes grew wide in surprise. Was that why she didn't contact me? She thought that my showing was more important than her?

"Fuck the gallery showing, Bella. I ended up destroying all of the artwork and the showing was cancelled anyways," I admitted as I watched Bella frown once again. "I didn't love anything more than I loved you. I would have dropped everything to have helped you... to have been with you."

"I loved you too," she said quietly as I shook my head startled by her admission. Never, in all the time we were together, did she ever say the word love. It literally made my heart and my bones ache to know that she loved me too. "I know I never said it to you in our time together, but you... you were everything to me. I love you so fucking much, but I was so scared of ending up like my parents," she stammered as she began to cry again. "I didn't want to lose you, and I ended up fucking us up ten times worse than I ever imagined I could."

I couldn't help myself at that point, I reached over and grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her into my lap, as my arms encircled her tightly. Her body shook underneath my touch, the sobs overwhelming her. I should have been angry and yelled at her for finally admitting that she had been in love with me, but I couldn't get past the fact that she said she loved me, as in present tense.

"Where do you think we would have been if we hadn't lost all that time together?" she asked as she lifted her head from my chest and tried to wipe the tears away from her reddened cheeks.

"Fuck, that's a hard question," I replied slowly, unsure of how to answer her. "I honestly don't know. Back then, I wanted everything with you. The big elaborate wedding, little babies, a house with a white picket fence and a dog named Calder. I used to be able to picture our future clearly back in the early days. Now though... it's not so easy to see."

"After I got released from the hospital, I used to dream that we had the baby and you painted a huge mural on the nursery wall, an outdoor forest scene, and our lives were perfect. You painted and I wrote. Then I would generally morph into any other woman and you would be so happy with your family – the family _we_ should have had – that I would wake up in cold sweats."

"Oh, Bella," I replied as I brushed her hair back from her face. It was clear as day that after everything, she wasn't in the right place for us to reunite, even if I did want to. She needed some counseling to get past the abandonment she felt from her mother, the abuse she suffered from Peter and most importantly, the loss she felt at losing Charlie, me and our baby at the same time. "I think you should stay in Seattle."

"Really?" she asked, her voice high and teeming with excitement.

"You can continue to stay in the loft, but I think you should see a psychologist or something. Hell, maybe we should go together." I could feel Bella tense as I kept my hand against her lower back, attempting to ground her to me. "I should have done it a long time ago, but I have this feeling that we can't move forward, if we can't let go of the past. That's what you want, isn't it? To move forward?"

"Yes, more than anything."

At lunchtime, Emmett touched base with me to let me know he was heading over to the hotel. Esme had called and informed Em that she was going house hunting with Peter, so Emmett thought it was best he attempt to get Bella's stuff while Peter was gone. I was hesitant about it all, for obvious reasons. I just didn't trust Peter and after what Bella had told me about him, I hated his guts even more.

I didn't help Emmett's frame of mind when I told him about the existence of a DVD. I was leery about the possibility of getting it, because if Peter was a smart man, he probably had the disc in a safe, making it ten times more difficult. Emmett sounded confident, albeit angry, and told me not to worry. He insisted that I focus on taking care of Bella, and even suggested that if I wasn't ready yet, that Rosalie would be willing to come and spend time with her. I turned him down though. It wasn't hard to take care of Bella since she was fast asleep on the couch with a blanket thrown over her.

Em promised to contact me as soon as he was out of the hotel, so I simply grabbed an old sketchbook and began to draw random pictures of a sleeping Bella. It was oddly cathartic, drawing pictures of her, and before I knew it, it had been over two hours since I started. I had no idea how Bella had slept so long, but then I recalled her tossing and turning the night before. She had barely slept and talking about our issues and history, had probably exhausted her. If I hadn't been so keyed up about hearing back from Emmett, I probably would have been asleep too.

As I went to begin drawing again, my cell phone went off beside me, and I excitedly picked up it.

"How did things go?" I asked anxiously as I began tapping my graphite pencil against my leg. "Did you manage to get everything?"

"Huh? Get what?" I heard Leah's voice ask and I tensed up. Shit. I was hoping it had been Emmett on the other end of the phone.

"Sorry, I thought you were my brother," I explained as I heard Leah give a small sigh. Our night together had gone well enough, but I was really surprised she was calling so soon. "So um... how are you doing?"

"I'm good, I suppose," she replied awkwardly as I heard her shush someone behind her and I suddenly felt confused. "Listen, my mother is having a dinner at their condo downtown next week and she would like me... actually she is insisting, that I invite you." Leah breathed a big sigh of relief as I looked back to the couch and saw Bella waking from her nap. Shit.

"Oh um... Is Emmett invited? Is this something work related?" I questioned coolly. I was unsure where this invitation, or the pressure from her mother, was coming from.

"No, just you. My mother thought that since we were becoming friends, it would be nice to have dinner."

"Oh."

"Listen, I get that we are just doing the friends thing and all, so feel free to say no, but I think it could be fun." Leah continued to talk to me, but I looked over at Bella, who gave me a small smile before she motioned to the bathroom. As she walked away, I tried to focus on Leah, but it was so hard. Dinner with her parents was really the last thing I wanted. "So what do you think?"

"About what?" I asked quickly, clearly forgetting that I was supposed to be paying attention to her.

"Dinner and maybe heading out to a movie afterwards. I promise I won't let my mother pressure you about us dating or anything like that."

"I just don't think that's a good idea next week. I've got a lot going on right now," I said stoically as Leah let out a small snort.

"That didn't seem the case last night," she replied tersely. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes, trying hard not to get angry with Leah because nothing was her fault. She just had the absolute worst timing ever.

"Something happened after the movie last night and I have to take care of something over the next few weeks. It's just not a good time to be having dinner with your parents," I answered simply, hoping like hell I was placating her. Leah was a wonderful girl and I knew she would be a good friend; I just didn't have the time to get in the middle of something with her. It wasn't fair to her and I refused to string her along.

"Oh... okay. Well, if you need someone to vent too or want to have coffee, you know where to find me." I looked up and saw Bella standing by the bathroom door, her eyes about to tear up, as she listened to my end of our conversation. "Anyways, I should get going. The gallery is actually pretty busy today."

"That's great. I'll be in touch soon, Leah." The moment I hung up the phone, Bella walked into the bedroom and shut the door quietly.

Great. Just fucking great.

I couldn't handle this drama.

Thirty minutes later, Emmett buzzed at the door, which surprised me since he was supposed to call first. When I went downstairs to let him in, he was out of breath and looked a little worse for the wear. He was also not alone.

"Edward, this is Paul. Paul, my brother Edward." I nodded my head and looked at the men before me. Paul looked vaguely familiar. "Paul is a locksmith and one of my best contractors. He did me a huge solid today, so you owe him one. Actually, you owe him about $500 dollars, but we'll get to that later." Emmett pushed passed me, pulling two oversized suitcases behind him as Paul carried a carryon bag.

"What in the fuck? Why do I owe him $500?" I asked as we loaded into the elevator and it moved slowly up to the loft. "No offence."

"None taken," Paul replied, his voice deep and serious. "However, it took a lot more effort to crack open that safe in the hotel room without causing damage to it. Emmett said he wanted it to look like no one had been there. That takes finesse and time. I didn't have time."

"Woah... wait. Does that mean you have the DVD?" I asked, clearly excited as we stepped off of the elevator and I heard the bedroom door open as Bella walked out, still dressed in my oversized clothes.

"Thank you Emmett, so much," she said simply as she stepped towards him and gave him a gentle hug while she appraised what he had managed to salvage. "You are wonderful, really."

"Well, I couldn't beat the shit out of the asshole...yet, but I figured I could beat him at his own game. He left about 5 minutes after we got there, we saw him leave from the lobby. I managed to get all of your stuff while Paul here retrieved the tape from the safe." Bella's mouth fell open and she looked between Emmett and me as Paul reached into the carryon bag he was holding and produced a DVD case marked 'Bella'. A big sigh of relief echoed between Bella and I.

"Oh my god, you are absolutely the best!" Bella declared as she hugged Paul and Emmett, her smile bright and her eyes wide. I hadn't seen her this happy since she came back into my life last month. "You have no idea how big of a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is just... it's fucking fabulous, really."

"I'd do anything for my brother, so don't worry about it, Bella." Emmett was sincere as he could get as he pushed her luggage further into the room. "I'm just hoping you stick to your guns and stay the fuck away from my cousin. He may be a blood relative, but I have no qualms about kicking his ass in a dark alley someday."

"Thanks, Emmett." Bella blushed dark pink across her cheeks and then pulled her luggage into the bedroom as Emmett grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kitchen.

"Listen, things didn't go as smoothly as I would have hoped. As we were leaving, Peter was coming back in with Mom to the hotel for a quick lunch. She called out to me, surprised to see me at the hotel."

"Fuck."

"Yeah, Paul took the bags and I played it off like I had just finished a business lunch with a potential client, but Peter was very suspicious. You and Bella need to steer clear of him and lay low. I think you should head into work and get back to the everyday shit. I'll have Rose come to hang out with Bella if she wants the company. Sound good?"

Emmett was always the voice of reason, and he certainly wasn't failing me now. He was right that it would look odd if I wasn't at work or my apartment either. I had to make it appear like everything was normal in my life, even if it wasn't. Appearances were everything.

"Thanks man. You really are a lifesaver." I wrote out a check to Paul and when the guys left the loft, I found myself determined to keep Bella safe, which meant acting like everything was completely normal in my life. First thing, was to get back to work.

I cleaned up my art supplies and made Bella and I both a quick sandwich before I gathered my stuff to leave. When she came out of the bedroom, I motioned to the sandwich on the counter and she gave me a brief smile. "I need to head into work."

"Will you be back today?"

"I don't know...maybe. Emmett said if you want, he can have Rosalie come over for a little bit to hang out with you. He's worried about backlash from Peter and thinks it's best if I try and make it seem like everything is normal." I slipped my coat on as I watched Bella toss herself roughly onto the couch, her eyes never moving from mine. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah."

"If it's any consolation, I really don't want to go. It's just...I need to keep you safe."

"Who is Leah?"

"A friend."

"Dinner with the parents sounds a lot more serious than friends."

I grabbed at my hair and my entire body tensed. "Leah is a friend, nothing more. Her parents are clients of Emmett's firm and we are friendly with them. She is not my girlfriend and I'm not interested in her in that way. That's it."

"Okay." Bella stood up and headed into the kitchen to grab the sandwich I had left for her. "How do I contact you?"

"Call me on my cell phone. You still have yours, right?" Bella nodded softly and I couldn't help but walk towards her and offer her a small hug. "Keep your phone off and only contact me when you have to. I don't trust Peter. Also, make a grocery list and then text it to me. I can pick up some stuff for you tonight and either drop it off then or in the morning."

"The sooner the better, right?"

"Yeah, right." I turned to leave when I felt Bella's small hand grab my coat.

"Can you um... get some numbers for those doctors you want us to meet? We should do that soon too." I nodded and quietly made my way to the elevator before I heard Bella speak again. "Thanks Edward. For everything."


	22. Aloft

**It seems that in my life, when it rains it pours. Thankfully this week has been somewhat slow and I've actually managed to get this chapter (and two others) done. It's a miracle. MaggieMay14 is an awesome beta and Risbee and Acinad816 are wonderfully supportive pre-readers who seem to really dig my shit! I'm sorry I have been a bit slack on review replies, but with the passing of my FIL and a huge project just ending at work, I've been a bit overwhelmed. I love each and every one of you who take the time to read my crap!**

**I don't own Twilight. I do own Breaking Dawn on blu-ray and I finally watched it last night. Sometimes I just have to shake my head at the director and wonder what the hell he was thinking. I mean that 'conversation' between the wolves. WTF was that shit?**

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><p><em>"Doubts must be resolved alone within the soul. Otherwise one would profane one's own powerful solution." -<em> Wassily Kandinsky

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**November 2011**

"Where are you?" Kate asked, as we spoke briefly on the phone for the first time since I left Peter. Edward had warned me to keep my phone off, because we both believed Peter was shifty enough to track me, but I was beginning to feel claustrophobic in our… his former loft. I needed to get out and do something, but I knew this would have to do for the time being.

"I'm at Edward's old place," I said simply as I heard her gasp in surprise on the other end of the line. Kate had constantly encouraged me to try and reach out to Edward once I had moved to Chicago, even if it was just to get closure, but I never listened. It was no wonder she was surprised to hear I was staying at his former place. "He doesn't live here anymore, but he still owns the place. Anyways, I left Peter and this was the only place I could go on such short notice."

"Seriously?

"Yeah, seriously."

"Well shit… it's about time you left him," Kate replied and I could practically hear her smile on the other end of the phone. "I didn't think you'd go running back to Edward, but anyone is better than Peter. Fuck Bella, the Unabomber is better than Peter."

"I know… you told me for the longest time that he wasn't good for me and I didn't listened," I conceded with a sigh. "It was just… hard to up and leave, ya know?"

"Better late than never and all that, right?" she replied, trying to sound optimistic and like the Kate I've always known. "What are you going to do now? I mean…you have all your stuff still here, right?"

"Well, that's kinda why I am calling," I said, my voice filled with obvious hesitance. "Can you and Garrett go get most of my stuff from the apartment? Whatever you can manage to grab, alright?"

"You know I'll do anything for ya, hon," she answered as I heard movement and then the slamming of a drawer. "I still have the key to your place, so I'll call G and have him meet me there. What are the most important things to grab?"

I ran a list off of important documents and clothes that I wanted, along with some jewelry I had left over from my paternal grandmother. I didn't want anything that my mother or Peter had given me, which was half of my clothes and shoes, all the superficial shit. Just as I thought I had told Kate everything, I suddenly remembered two other things I needed. "There's a box under my bed that I need. It's a black shoebox filled with letters. Make sure you get that first along with the box in the bottom of the closet labeled 'Charlie'. Those are the important ones."

Kate reassured me that she would get everything I wanted and promised to call when she got back to her apartment with my things. I was sure she would only need a few boxes to get my stuff, but I still felt bad for putting her out. I was also nervous as hell about it all. I had no idea if Peter had flown home or if he had someone else going to the apartment while we were in Seattle. I just had to hope that my fears were unfounded. Kate was going way beyond the call of duty to help me and I would forever be indebted to her and Garrett for their assistance.

With Kate off the phone, I began to feel the anxiety creep up on me again. I hated being alone, which was probably another reason I had associated myself with Peter years earlier. He was the first guy to give me any sort of attention, even though it was unwanted at first. I just wanted to feel something again, even if it was self-loathing. However now, I just wanted to feel normal.

I wanted my life back.

I wanted Edward back.

I had to show some sort of patience though. I hated it.

It had been just over twenty-four hours since I had seen Edward last. He had showed up late the night before with an assortment of groceries. It was a quick in and out job, with him virtually dropping everything off before bolting out the door. I sent a quick text to thank him and then turned off the phone before I put all the food away. When I woke up in the morning, I hadn't even had a text back from him.

I understood his reluctance, he was scared shitless of getting hurt again, but it seemed like every time we made a move forward, we also took two steps back. I had my work cut out for me.

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><p>The next morning, when I turned my phone on to check on things, I had a voicemail from Kate letting me know that everything went smoothly at the apartment. She got everything I wanted and then some, and she had bundled it up to ship via UPS, she just needed the address. I texted it to her quickly and then called Edward to let him know that things were progressing back in Chicago.<p>

"Edward Cullen," he said, his voice short, when he answered the phone.

"Bella Swan," I mocked as I hoped I managed to get a smile on his seemingly dour face. "I'll make this quick, but I wanted to let you know Kate got my stuff from the apartment back in Chicago."

"Well, that's good news."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just been a rough week and I'm not sleeping all that well," he admitted softly. He sounded downright depressed, so I did the only thing I could think of. I just wanted to make him smile.

"Why don't you come over for dinner tonight?"

"Bella, I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Why not? You need to eat, right?"

"Of course I do," he replied with a small laugh before he grew silent. "Listen, I'm sorta swamped here at work. Can I think about it?"

"Yeah… I guess so." I was growing frustrated by his reluctance, but I was also trying to have patience. If I was being honest, I just wanted to go back to my life five years ago. I wanted everything back, like yesterday, so it was hard to take it when he pushed me off like that.

"Have you been keeping your phone off?" he questioned, his voice tight with anxiety.

"With the exception of this call and a few to Kate, yeah. I've been trying as much as I can."

"Good… keep it up." Edward paused for a moment and I instantly grew nervous. "Apparently Peter has been calling my mom quiet often since he believes, and rightfully so, that Emmett got your stuff from the hotel. She promised not to give Peter any details on Emmett or me, but I have a feeling he's going to get more devious soon." A chill ran through my spine since I knew all too well that Peter was relentless in his pursuits of everything. He never gave up on something he wanted, which was why he pursued me as much as he did. He wanted to own Renee's daughter and Marcus's stepdaughter. He wanted that connection with the partners of the firm and I knew now that he clearly wanted me for his own enjoyment. I was a pawn in his game and I wasn't having it anymore.

However, I would be stupid to think Peter would give up so quickly.

"Do me another favor, okay?"

"Anything," I replied simply as I heard a small sigh from Edward. I knew I was being a bit pushy about it all, but I had lost a lot and had to show him that I was in this completely, whatever it was we were.

"Call your bank. See if they can start the process rolling to move your accounts to a local branch. They will probably need you to go in and sign something, or maybe even they could email you a document to facilitate the change. You need to start having access to those funds."

"Sure," I answered as Edward said a quick goodbye, promising to let me know soon about dinner. When we hung up, I got the details on my bank and called them up to get my accounts transferred. They were surprisingly awesome about everything and in just a few days I could go to the local branch and sign the documents opening the new accounts. I left the joint account that Peter and I had intact. After all, it wasn't like I contributed much to it anyways.

It felt good to get something else away from the grasp of Peter. If only I knew that he was out of my life completely, I would probably sleep like a baby.

I checked my phone for messages two hours later and I discovered that Edward had left a text message agreeing to come over for dinner. My heart clenched in my chest in excitement, because I was happy to get the chance to see him again. However, my happiness was short-lived when I realized that I had virtually nothing to serve him for dinner.

I powered up the old laptop Edward had brought over last time he was here and quickly checked a few websites for dinner ideas, eventually deciding on making some fajitas with homemade guacamole. It was simple enough to make, and I knew Edward would love it.

Once I had my shopping list in place, I scrawled down a message on a scrap of paper letting Edward know where I had gone. He didn't say what time he was coming over, but I refused to take any chances. I had already been burned once by my propensity to not leave messages. Plus, he would probably think Peter had something to do with my disappearance and I didn't want to give him any cause to worry.

It was only five short blocks to the grocery store nearest to Edward, but the day was surprisingly warm, so I enjoyed being out in the fresh air. I took my time and even stopped at Bronwyn Park, which was across the street from the store. Since the weather was unseasonably warm, there were several other people enjoying the weather like me. There was even a mother with her two children, and when one stopped near me, staring at me with a wide smile on her face, before running to the swings, I couldn't help but think of the child Edward and I would never meet.

Time quickly slipped away from me because before I realized it, the bench compressed slightly as someone sat down beside me. I turned slowly to my left to see Edward there with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked softly, his eyes still full of worry and I felt remorse for making him feel that way.

"I just… I came to get some groceries so we could have a nice dinner and I lost track of time."

"It's alright."

"No, it's not, Edward." My eyes darted towards a little girl who was about five years old, playing happily with her older brother on the jungle gym. "I've been sitting here for… however long… watching the neighborhood kids and all I can think about is what could have been."

"Bella, there's no reason to dwell…" Edward began, but I was quick to interrupt him.

"Our child would have been close to four years old by now," I said simply as Edward's hand reached out and grasped mine, giving it a slight squeeze.

"You don't need to talk about this, Bella."

"Sometimes all I want to do is talk about it. You have no idea how often I think about what happened and what could have been," I admitted reluctantly. "I wonder if we would have had a boy or a girl. Would they have looked like you or me? Would we have had a second one by now…" My body froze and tears began to fall as I looked down at the ground, my heart beating out of my chest. "I can't have one naturally; at least that's what the doctors' say. I just…I never thought about being a mom until I discovered I was pregnant and now the possibility has been taken away from me. It's so fucking unfair. I think I would have been a good mom."

"I'm sure you would have been a wonderful mother, Bella."

My body sagged as I felt Edward wrap his arm around my shoulder and pull me to his side. I breathed him in for a moment but I was pulled from my thoughts as I heard the yell of the little girl call for her mom and watched her dash off with a huge smile on her face. "Why couldn't we have had that? Could you imagine if we had a little girl?" I asked.

"Bella, you have had years to come to terms with all of this and I've barely had a week," Edward explained simply. "It's hard to think about it all still. I mean… yeah, I wish you had the baby and things had worked out for us. Fuck, I wish your dad was still here and you had never met Peter, but we can't erase the past. I do think it makes us stronger, if it's any consolation." Edward squeezed me gently and I practically melted into his side as the little girl and her brother left with their mother, both of them giggling happily.

"Do you realize I have nothing?" I asked as Edward looked down at me, his eye brows knit together in confusion. "I'm serious. I have no job, no prospects for a job, no apartment, no car, no family… nothing." I let out a huge sigh before the tears began to fall again and I found myself gasping for air. "This isn't how I saw my life going. When we dated I had so many dreams and goals. I'd get my degree and then do the graduate program and become a teacher. You'd finish your degree and become a world-renowned artist. We'd travel the world for your exhibits and make love in exotic locations while I wrote when I felt inspired. We'd have a child by now. We'd have been married by now..."

"Fuck, this is so fucking hard," Edward exclaimed roughly. He pulled his hands back from me and began running them through his hair, pulling fiercely as I watched his emotions get the best of him. "I would have loved that life with you… back then."

Yeah, that killed me dead. Those two simple words literally tore my heart in two and Edward knew it hurt because as I withdrew from him, he tried to pull me back into his side. I was growing my frustrated by the moment though.

"Listen, I didn't expect you to have the same dreams I had, but you don't need to placate me and tell me you wanted them too when you didn't," I shouted, as a couple walking their dog nearby paused to make sure we were fine. I waved them off as I turned back to Edward. "You should also stop giving me mixed signals now. You suggested therapy to help get us to reconcile with our past, but when I suggest dinner, you freeze up and have to think about it. Either you want to try again or you don't. I really want to be patient, but I can't handle the whiplash you are giving me."

"This isn't easy for me, Bella."

"I never said it was."

"It's just… I need time to think about all of this. I've still got to process what happened with your dad and the baby, and also Peter. I can't just jump head first into this because I want you still. I can't be ruled by my emotions anymore," Edward declared roughly. However, I couldn't get past the fact that he did want me still. There was hope, even if it looked bleak sometimes. "I want to move forward but we need to go see a professional and work though everything together. I don't want to look back in ten years and regret the decisions I've made."

"I get it. You don't want to be like me, right?"

"Do you regret the decisions you've made?"

"Some of them I regret every day," I answered sincerely, thinking of my stupidity at not leaving a note or charging my cell phone years earlier, and deciding to be with Peter. However, a small smile graced my face as I thought of when I first agreed to sit for Edward as his model. "There are things I could never regret… ever, because I was loved and happy because of those decisions."

Edward gave me a small smile before wrapping his hand around mine and moving closer to me. "We've got an appointment in two days to meet Dr. Gerandy; he's a psychiatrist I've been referred to. The reason I didn't want to come to dinner tonight was because I wanted to have our appointment scheduled first, and his office only called to confirm just after lunch."

"Oh…"

"Yeah…" he replied simply as he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "Also… regardless of what you may think, you do have something."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah… you have me."

**A/N: Story rec time: An Education by BellaScotia is a really great story, as is Into the Woods by Oprah Winfrey (yes, that is really her penname LOL). Oh and I've been addicted to My Sweet Variable by LifeInTheSnow and don't get me started about my love for Edward in Take What You Want by purelyamuse. There ya go - get your read on this long weekend!**

**And don't forget to sign up for the TwiFicMeetup happening in June in Las Vegas. Deadline to sign up and pay your fees is April 15th! :) visit twificmeetup . blogspot . com for more info. I'll be there along with 140 other awesome fanfiction folks!**


	23. The Kiss

**My day has been all over the place. With the Daytona 500 postponed (I almost wrote a NASCAResque TwiFic once. I should get on that, right? NASCARward would be hot), and the Oscars on TV, I'm confused as to whether I should be sad or happy. So, to make my day better, I figured I should post.**

**I adore MaggieMay14 for her awesome beta work. Risbee and acinad816 are awesome pre-readers and all of you who take the time to read and review are pure magic! I wish I had more time to review reply, but I promise to try and get better on that.**

**I don't own Twilight. I may one day write a NASCARward.  
><strong>

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><p><em>"All art is erotic" - Gustav Klimt<em>

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><p><strong>November 2011<strong>

**EPOV**

When I walked into the small coffee shop, I could feel the pressure on my chest like a weight. Regardless of what she said, I knew Leah wanted more than I was willing to give her. From the first day I met her at her gallery, I felt a connection with her, but it wasn't in a romantic sense. If anything, it felt like we were kindred spirits of some sort. She understood me – my hesitance, my heartbreak and my art – and it was because of this I agreed to meet with her.

I ordered my coffee and found a small table near the front window, wanting to make sure she saw me the moment she arrived. As I waited, I scanned through the messages on my phone and another popped up, this time instead of it being from Bella, it was from my mother.

_Edward, I haven't heard back from you about Thanksgiving. Are you coming?_

I cringed because I knew how much my mother loved the holidays and gathering our family together to celebrate, but I also knew my Aunt Claire would be there with her husband. If they were there, it was possible Peter would be there too. Emmett and I had both discussed declining the invitation, but then we decided against it. She was our mom, if anyone shouldn't be attending, it should be Peter, not us. However, until my mother knew the entire story she would put up a fight.

_Only if Peter doesn't attend._

I knew it was childish, but I already had mixed feelings about everything as it was. I didn't really want to leave Bella alone for the holidays, but I couldn't exactly take her to dinner with my family who weren't aware of our past, could I?

Things had been tough for me over the past few days, especially after the ruined dinner Bella and I were to share. I had gone to the loft, fully expecting to find her attempting to burn something in the kitchen, but instead I came across her note. She should have been back at the loft already, so of course my mind began running into overdrive and I decided to trace her path to the grocery store, hoping to find her along the way.

What initially began as a quick walk turned into an all out run when my thoughts got the worst of me. I stopped and asked a few people on the street if they had seen anyone who looked like her, but I got nowhere. It wasn't until I was coming out of the grocery store that I saw her perched on a bench in the park. My heart was crushed as I listened to her tell me how old our child would have been and how much she wondered what our life would have been like if things had been different. I didn't blame Bella for the miscarriage, I really didn't, but I also needed for both of us to stop dwelling on the past. We had to move forward.

Needless to say Bella didn't cook dinner that night. We walked back to the loft, our bodies close, yet not touching. I ordered in some pizza and we sat in the middle of the living room floor and simply talked to each other. Bella was quick to admit that she hated being isolated from everyone and everything because of my need to keep her safe. She knew first hand how vindictive and calculating Peter could be, so I couldn't understand why she would risk herself.

By the end of the night, we still hadn't come to any major conclusions. Bella would remain at the loft for however long she wanted, and she could make changes as she saw fit. She also asked for more time on the phone, and I granted that, but I asked her not to keep it on too long so that Peter couldn't track her. As for her need for freedom and a job, we decided to take it one day at a time. When I left, I felt guilty in the pit of my stomach for leaving her alone, but I couldn't be her protector 24/7. She was safe in the loft, I knew it.

"Looks like you are thinking hard there, Cullen," Leah said as she walked up to the table with a small smile on her face. Her eyes flittered down to my coffee and she motioned with her hand towards the counter. "You need to stop thinking so much and I'll go get my coffee and be right back."

"Sure," I replied as the anxiety came crashing back and I gave her a small smile before she walked away. I was determined to make Leah see that we weren't suited for each other, regardless of the efforts of both her mother and her, before I left to head back to work.

It was only a few minutes later when Leah sat down beside me, tucking her coat over the back of her chair and smiling at me with ease. "So... what has you so tied up in knots these days?"

"Oh you know... work and stuff," I deflected as Leah looked at me with her eyes quirked in concentration.

"Try again. I'm not buying it."

"It's just... all so complicated and convoluted that I wouldn't even know where to start," I answered bluntly as I took a sip of my coffee and let out a sigh. Leah challenged me with her eyes and I suddenly just opened up and told her every single thing about Bella and I. From the modeling, to her disappearance, to my rehab and then to finding out she was engaged to my cousin. Leah nodded softly and took in all the information I gave her, but she never judged me, which was probably why I liked her so much. She just got me.

"So right now, this former girlfriend..."

"Bella..."

"Right, Bella... she's living at your old loft, hiding out from your psychopathic cousin who is also her ex-fiancé, while you two decide what the heck to do about everything, right?"

"Yeah, basically." Leah had actually summed it up pretty well. "My mother wants me to go to Thanksgiving dinner, but she doesn't know that I have a history with Bella. All she knows is that she was engaged to my cousin. Thanks to Emmett, my parents also don't know I was in rehab after the initial incident happened. Things just spiraled out of control and it seemed to be for the best to keep it all from them."

"I think you understated how fucked up your life is, Edward," Leah explained with a small laugh as she reached across the table and grabbed my hand in hers. "I can also completely understand why the heck you don't want to date me."

"It's not that you aren't great..."

"Oh, I know I'm great, Edward," she said with another laugh. "I'm just not meant for you. Do you believe in true love?"

"I used to," I said sheepishly as I thought back to my early days with Bella. One memory in particular, of us at Olympic Sculpture Park early on in our relationship, stood out to me. She was so curious about my art and really wanted to know everything that she could; it was one of the reasons I fell in love with her.

"Do you believe that maybe there is only one person out there made just for you?" Leah questioned, pulling me from my memories.

"Not really," I replied, my voice full of hesitance. I finished my coffee as Leah eyed me suspiciously.

"I'm gonna be brutally honest with you cause we are friends, right?" I nodded as Leah cracked a smile. "You love that girl, and if I am right, you will probably love her more than you will anyone else. She was your first love, but you never really got over her because you couldn't. She holds such a major spot in your heart, you never gave anyone the chance to try and love you. I get that you were hurt, but now that you know everything that happened, have your feelings really changed? The big question now is... can you see yourself being with someone other than Bella?"

I grimaced at Leah and watched as she polished off her coffee and then glanced at her watch. "I need to get to the gallery; we're getting some new works delivered today." I had to admit, I was a little curious about the art she was receiving, but I knew if I asked, we'd end up talking for another hour. "Listen, if you need to talk about everything, just call me. I'm not bitter about how things have gone between us, and I really think you could use a friend, someone to talk to about all this. Just... don't forget that people are willing to help you."

As Leah stood, I followed suit and gave her a gentle hug and thanked her for... everything. "I'm really sorry about... you know."

"Edward, you need to follow your heart. If we can't be together in a romantic sense, I'd love to be your friend. I just think you know what you want, but you are scared to have it. Sometimes you need to seize the moment." I nodded softly and hugged her again, surprised by how understanding she was being. "Oh... by the way, you should keep an eye on things at SAM. They are doing an exhibit early next year on Gauguin. Let me know if you want to see it and maybe we can go as friends."

I promised to keep her posted and we parted ways, with her heading back to the gallery and me going to the office. However, as I sat there for the rest of the afternoon, staring off into space at my desk, I knew that it was pointless to get any work done. I felt an overwhelming urge to paint.

Less than an hour later I found myself ringing the bell for the loft. I tried to call Bella, but she had followed my instructions and had her phone off. When it seemed like Bella wasn't going to answer, I dug through the glove compartment of my car and pulled out my old set of keys. I really didn't feel right infringing on her space, but I desperately felt the urge to paint something and all my supplies were there. I had no choice.

When I finally unlocked the door and walked in, I was surprised as hell to see Bella lying on the couch, fast asleep, and dressed only in the old silk robe we used to use for our modeling sessions. I couldn't help but freeze and recall the first time I had seen her in the small slip of fabric.

_I pretended to busy myself by setting up my materials, for the third time, as I waited for Bella to emerge from behind the screen. It wasn't the most ideal situation for undressing, but I figured it would do fine for the short period I expected to paint her. When she finally stepped out, I struggled to keep myself in check. She looked simply stunning, even more beautiful than I expected, with the dark colors and floral pattern against her alabaster skin._

_I watched as her eyes darted around, taking in the unknown scene around her and she seemed focused on me until her eye caught the settee and she gave me a small smile. _

_"Bella, can you get on the settee for me. I need to check the light." She nodded and nervously moved to sit down. Her knees were pressed close together as I moved around her, pretending to adjust one of my standing lamps, as I simply tried to soak in her very presence. I gripped the lamp firmly; my entire body lit with excitement and nerves. When we had first been assigned this project, I had been hesitant, but now... with Bella as my subject, I was vibrating with energy I didn't know was possible. _

_I moved in front of her and kneeled down beside her, my hands resting on her upper thighs as I fought the urge to spread her open and feast on her. I needed to stay focused on my work if I had any plans of graduating the class._

_"So, for today we're gonna take it slow...work up to the full nude," I explained, trying to soothe her. _

_"Whatever you need, you're the boss."_

_"Let's not think about it like that, okay? As far as I am concerned, you're Bella and I'm Edward and you are posing for me. No boss employee relationship going on here."_

"Edward?" I was yanked from my thoughts as I heard Bella say my name softly. When I turned though, she was still fast asleep. I moved closer to her, careful to remain as quiet as possible, since sleep was probably hard to come by for Bella. Once I was near her, I could see her hair was still a bit damp, most likely from having a shower before she had a nap. I was about to turn away and head into the room that held all my supplies when Bella jerked to the side and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Bella was naked under the robe.

Fuck.

Her legs had adjusted in such a way that I could see her sex and her hand had moved to reveal part of her tempting breasts. It was the worst possible form of torture and I had to get away. I stepped into the other room and closed the door slightly, before I peeled off my coat and began to organize some supplies in preparation. I pulled out a canvas from the closet and set it up on my easel and then grabbed a few paints before setting them out on my palette.

Once everything was set up, I sat down on my stool and stared at the canvas with uncertainty. Though I had the desire to paint, I had no idea what my subject would be. The scene in the living room with Bella earlier didn't help matters because that was suddenly all I could think of. It didn't help that just as I raised my brown paint covered brush to the canvas, I heard a weird and very unexpected moan coming from the living room.

I shouldn't have moved. I should have stayed on my old wooden stool and stared dumbly at my canvas, but no. I got up and made my way over to the door. The moan turned into a different noise and I moved closer to Bella, worried that she was having a nightmare. I was dead wrong. Bella was moaning because she was pleasing herself... in her sleep.

Double Fuck.

I was mesmerized as the robe laid open and her hand was buried between her legs. Her dream must have been something fantastic and erotic to make her react like that. I crushed my hand over my mouth as she called out my name and my entire body tensed, including my cock. It reacted just like I expected, growing hard with each passing second of her tempting display. I wanted to wake her and have my way with her, to show her that regardless of my hesitance, she would always be the sexiest woman in the world to me. However, I couldn't do it.

I stepped away, my mind filled with the images of her masturbating, and went back into the room making sure to shut the door behind me. I was focused and determined and before I knew it, I had painted a portrait of Bella until my hand cramped.

When I heard Bella banging around in the kitchen, I decided to make my presence known. I stepped tentatively from the room, shutting the door behind me, and immediately felt bad when she screamed and jumped.

"Jesus, Edward. Are you trying to kill me?" she asked, her hand pressed to her chest as I noticed she was still wearing that tiny robe. I could ask her the very same question dressed like that.

"I'm sorry," I replied as I noticed Bella adjust the robe to pull it down so it covered her as much as possible. "It's just... I came... in earlier, you were asleep, so..."

"So?"

"Fuck," I cursed as I tugged at the hair at the nape of my neck in frustration. "I came in earlier and you were fast asleep on the couch. I had tried to call and then rang the buzzer, but I pulled my keys from my car and came in. I'm really sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you, but I wanted to paint again."

"You what?" Bella asked, her voice rose in surprise. "You came here to paint?"

"All of my supplies are here," I replied awkwardly.

"It's okay, Edward... really. This is your place; you can come and go as you please. The painting just surprised me, in a good way. Can I see it?"

"Oh... not yet," I answered as I glanced to the door and made sure it was closed. "It's a work in progress." Bella nodded her head softly and then excused herself, no doubt to get dressed or something. After she left, I sat down on the couch and was completely overwhelmed by her scent. It was everywhere. I lay down and stared at the ceiling, waiting for her to come back. When she did, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she looked adorable. Suddenly I was struck with something Leah had told me earlier in the day. '_You love that girl, and if I am right, you will probably love her more than you will anyone else. She was your first love, but you never really got over her because you couldn't. The big question now is... can you see yourself being with someone other than Bella?'_

"So... tomorrow we meet with that doctor you hooked us up with, right?" Bella asked, pulling me from my mind.

"Yeah, Dr. Gerandy. We have an appointment at 11am. That still works for you, right?"

"Edward, I don't know if you noticed, but I don't really do much of anything these days," Bella replied with a small smile. I nodded in response and then things felt to get even more awkward between us. The silence grew and when I glanced at the clock and saw it was just after ten at night, I decided to make myself scarce. I never should have stayed as long as I did, nor should I have invaded her privacy the way I did.

As Bella busied herself in the kitchen, I went and covered up my painting with one of the drop cloths I had lying around. I wouldn't really be upset if Bella saw it, but I think it would be best if I waited till it was done for her to see it. I sat on the stool and stared at the covered canvas while Leah's words continued to run through my head as I contemplated the answers to her questions.

_Yes, I had loved her._

_I still loved her; it just wasn't the same love as before, was it?_

_I hadn't loved anyone else in the past few years. Not even close._

_I never got over her._

_I didn't want to get over her._

"Fuck," I cursed, and turned to see Bella standing in the doorway.

"Everything okay?"

"Not really," I lied as I stood up and grabbed my coat, slipping it on easily.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Isn't that what tomorrow is for?" I replied with a wink as Bella nodded her head softly and pushed her back against the door frame, making room for me to move around her.

Just as I went to slip past her, I found my willpower slipping and I threw caution to the wind. My hand slipped up her hair, gripping the base of her ponytail gently before I pressed my lips firmly against hers. Her lips were tight at first, uncertain of what was happening, but as my hands moved from her hair, to caress her rosy cheeks, she fell into the kiss easily.

Bella's hands gripped at the collar of my coat as she pulled me closer to her, desperate for more. My mind was awash with images from our past and our present, including her writhing on the couch earlier in the night, which simply made my cock ache. I knew that deep down in my gut I wanted this... fuck, I wanted this so much, but I had to be patient.

Bella moaned loudly and I pulled away, our lips swollen and our faces both confused.

"I'll pick you up just after ten-thirty tomorrow morning, alright?" I asked as I watched Bella lift her fingers to her lips and nod her head.

**You want a fic rec? Dear Maggie by Jenny0719 has captured me. I also read The Cellar by iambeagle and it was adorable, funny and honestly had one of the best Ben's in a fic. Read them both.**

Before either of us had a chance to say anything or over think our kiss, I stepped to the door and left. After all, there would be enough time to talk the next day with Dr. Gerandy.


	24. Playing in the Dark

**As always, MaggieMay14 betas this mess and Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read like superstars. JSYK, I am not a pyschiatrist, nor do I play one on TV. I used to watch Frasier and that's as close as it gets.**

**I don't own Twilight. **

**This chapter is for MissSherrie who wanted to read it on the GO Train tonight. What's a GO Train? Mass transit around Toronto, which is the general area in which we live.**

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><p><em><strong>"<strong>People love mystery, and that is why they love my paintings." –Salvador Dali_

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**November 2011**

As soon as the door closed behind Edward, I sank down the floor and let my head fall back against the wall. What on earth just happened? Edward had kissed me. _He had kissed me _and now I was even more confused. Edward kept talking about being patient and how he wasn't sure what he wanted, but he went and kissed me. Surely this meant something good, right? To be honest, I had no fucking idea.

All I could think about was that kiss. It was like I ceased to function properly all of a sudden. One minute I had been napping on the couch and having the most erotic dream ever and then suddenly Edward was kissing me and running from the apartment like he couldn't get away from me fast enough. His disappearing act was enough to give me whiplash.

Rather than stay on the floor, confused and hungry, I decided to get up and make myself a sandwich before watching a bit of TV. After all, there wasn't much I could do at the loft until my stuff from Kate arrived, and I was literally counting down the minutes. After I ate, I headed towards the bedroom and passed Edward's art room.

I pushed the door open slightly and couldn't help but wonder what he had painted under that sheet. Also, what in the hell made him come here for the sole purpose of painting? I wasn't against him visiting, in fact, I preferred him nearby, but it was out of character for him these days. Not so much for the former Edward I knew who, when he needed to paint, would simply do it. For a brief second, I wondered if maybe I was seeing a glimpse into my old Edward, the one I had fallen head over heels for, but I decided not to push it. He was just getting back into the groove with his painting and I refused to deny him.

I also refused to look under the sheet even though it was killing me. I wanted to see what had inspired him.

The next morning around ten, I was busy getting ready for our visit to Dr. Gerandy, when the buzzer went off for the loft. It was still too early for Edward to arrive, so I immediately grew suspicious. However, when I glanced out the window, I was buoyed to see a big brown UPS truck. I quickly buzzed the delivery man in and almost hugged him when I saw his dolly loaded with boxes.

"Bella Swan?" he asked with a smile as I nodded my head excitedly. "Where would you like me to put these?"

"Can you simply put them on the elevator and I will get them into the apartment?"

"Sure thing ma'am. I have another pile out in the truck, so give me a few minutes."

I was practically bouncing with excitement when I signed his electronic gadget and looked at the elevator stocked with boxes, 10 in total. With the UPS delivery man gone, I quickly took the elevator up to the loft and began to unload the boxes into the living room. I was elbows deep into a box filled with books when Edward showed up half an hour later.

"Are you ready to go... wait, what's all this?" he asked, curious as he closed the door behind him and came forward, eyeing up my boxes.

"My boxes from Kate arrived," I said giddily as I pulled two more books out of a box, revealing my shoe box at the bottom of it. Of course it wasn't a standard shoe box, it was the one filled with my letters to Edward that I never sent. "I'm gonna call her quickly and then we can go, alright?"

Edward nodded easily as I stepped from the living room and turned on my cell phone, quickly dialing her number. When she answered, it was like I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. "It's Bella."

"Hey sweetie, what's going on? Did you get your stuff yet?"

"Yeah, it just arrived," I replied with a grin. "Thank you so much for doing all of this, Kate. It really means the world to me that you were able to help me out."

"Oh don't go getting all sappy on me, girl," Kate laughed easily. "I'm just glad things are moving forward for you. Especially since..."

"Since what?" I asked as I sat down on the edge of the bed and heard a few random noises from the living room. Knowing Edward he was probably putting some of my books away on the shelves. "What's going on?"

"Peter called." A shiver immediately went up my spine and my entire body tensed.

"When?"

"Yesterday, right after your mother called me."

"What? My mother called you?" I shouted angrily as Edward suddenly darted into the room looking concerned. I waved him off and listened intently as Kate explained to me exactly what had been going on since I had last spoken with her.

"Well, your mother called me yesterday morning in a fucking fit because she hadn't heard from you in weeks, whatever. She rambled on about you and Peter breaking up, which she didn't believe, and then begged me to tell her where you were, which I didn't do, obviously."

"Thanks," I muttered in frustration, not with Kate, but with my meddling mother.

"I told her that if you wanted her to know where you were, then you would call her and she hung up. Not five minutes later Peter called. I didn't even know the asshole had my number, but I figured he got it from your mother or something. Anyways, he threatened me and insinuated that he would do anything to find you. I calmly told him he was barking up the wrong tree and lied that I hadn't talked to you in over a week. I don't think he bought it, but I also don't think he's going to give up."

"Great." I felt defeated. It looked like I had no other choice but to keep hiding, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to be able to get my life back on track and not be forced to look over my shoulder all the time, wondering about Peter and his intentions. "Listen, Edward and I were just about to run out to an appointment..."

"Oh really?" Kate interrupted, her voice practically singing, as I waved off Edward's concerns and he sat down beside me, offering me his hand. Now, not only was I completely confused about the status of our relationship, friendship, whatever we were, I had to also stress about Peter. Well, stress more than usual.

"Yeah, I'll tell you about it later, ok?"

"Sure thing, hon. Don't let this shit get you down, alright?" I gave Kate a quick farewell and turned off my phone as Edward stood up from the bed and pulled me with him.

"You gonna tell me what's wrong? You went from bouncing off the walls excited to suicidal in the span of five minutes."

"My mother and Peter called Kate looking for me," I admitted reluctantly as I grabbed my coat and slipped it on, eager to get out of the loft.

"You know I won't let him get anywhere near you, right?" Edward questioned as he gripped my shoulders and stopped me in my tracks. I really wanted to believe him, because in the week that I had been living at the loft, I had been safe. However, I also knew how relentless Peter was. He wouldn't give up quickly. "In related news, Peter has been harassing my mother too. Thankfully, she knows nothing, but he told her he's thinking of filing a missing persons report against you. If it does happen, we'll talk to the police directly, but until then, let's just not worry about it alright?"

"Okay," I answered as he opened the door and ushered me into the elevator. I was still tense, but I was hopeful that today's meeting would be a step in the right direction for us.

Dr. Gerandy was an honest man in his early 60's and I immediately felt at ease with him. He joked around at first that he tried to retire, only to have his wife divorce him and take him for all his money, which resulted in him being back in the office, but he seemed really down to earth. The fact that he made me feel comfortable was a huge relief since I was worried I would hate every second of sitting down with him.

The thing I liked most about him was that he cut straight to the point. When he asked us why Edward and I were there to see him, we both were silent and that didn't sit well with him.

"Let's get one thing straight," he said as he stared at Edward and I as we both sat tensely on his leather couch. "If neither of you talks, you are wasting my time and your money. So, how about we start over and Edward you can answer first, followed by Bella." We both nodded and Dr. Gerandy started again. "So, what brings you to my office, today?"

"Well... Bella and I used to be in a relationship and she'd like to rekindle it, but I am having issues getting past what happened to us." Dr. Gerandy turned to look at me while scribbling notes on the pad of paper in front of him.

"Umm... Edward and I were very young and impetuous in our past and I wasn't used to being in a relationship. I made a lot of mistakes which affected both of us negatively and now we both have trust issues. Not including the issues we have with Peter."

"Who is Peter?"

"That would be my cousin, her abusive ex-fiancé," Edward replied coolly.

"Does he know you are together now?"

"We're not really together, exactly," I answered tentatively, my hands clasped together tightly.

"This is beginning to sound very much like Melrose Place, so why don't we start from the beginning?"

For the rest of the hour, Edward and I took turns outlining our entire history to Dr. Gerandy. The good, the bad and the ugly. We left no stone unturned and discussed Edward's tumultuous relationship with Peter, the fact that he kept the truth about me and his time in rehab from his parents. We also quickly discussed my father's death, my mother's abandonment and the loss of our child. I had to admit, I wasn't overly surprised when Gerandy admitted he wanted to see Edward and I separately next week, rather than together.

"I'd really like to help the both of you to reunite, because from what you've told me, the love you two shared was very strong and honest," Gerandy began as he closed his notebook and surveyed us curiously. "However, before we can even try to tackle your relationship, I think we need to work on the both of you as individuals. Edward, it's obvious you were hurt by Bella's departure and recent revelations to you regarding her past. However, your relationship with your parents and Peter also need to be discussed. And Bella... where do I start with you? Perhaps your guilt, lack of self-confidence or your abusive relationship with Peter? All of these items need to be addressed before we can even think of treating you as a couple, if that is even what you want to be."

Edward and I were both in complete agreement with Dr. Gerandy and made arrangements for back to back appointments early next week. "Before you go, I have a quick challenge for you," Dr. Gerandy said as he handed us business cards with our appointment times written on the back. "I want you to make a list of things that you love about the other person. Do not share it with each other. Bring it in for your individual appointment and we will go from there, alright?"

"Okay," I replied hesitantly as we shook hands and Edward ushered me out of his office. I had a small smile on my face because I felt like we were finally doing something to heal, but Edward looked put out. "What's going on in your head?"

"Nothing," Edward hedged.

"Liar," I replied with a playful nudge to his shoulder as we waited for the elevator.

"It's just... I thought we would be going through this together, not individually."

I reached down and gripped Edward's hand in mine, pulling him into the elevator as the door opened. Thankfully we were alone. "Listen, Dr. Gerandy comes highly recommended and I think he's right... we need to face our own demons before we can work on our relationship. Hell, we're not even sure that's what we want, but we need to come to terms with everything. So... you'll do it for me?"

"I'll try."

"That's all I am asking."

Rather than go right back to the loft after our session, Edward invited me to lunch. Even though it was a Thursday afternoon, he wasn't expected back in the office until 2, so I jumped at the chance to spend more time with him. We ended up at a small, out of the way, Mexican joint that he loved and it actually felt normal and somewhat relaxed sitting there discussing random topics.

When his mother called, I immediately tensed.

"Hi mom," he answered, trying to act casual. "I'm out at lunch, is there something I can help you with?" Edward was silent for a few minutes, nodding his head and taking in whatever it was his mother was saying. Every now and then he would roll his eyes or simply agree with what she said. It was actually kind of cute, until he said something I completely wasn't expecting. "Ok fine. I'll be at Thanksgiving dinner, but do you think you and dad can come to my old loft tonight?"

"What are you doing?" I whisper yelled as I waved my hands in front of his face. I lived at the loft and he was inviting his parents there? This was madness. We _just_ had our first counseling session and neither of us were prepared. Yes, I had met his parents in the past, but it was in a completely different capacity. What in the hell would they think now? God, they probably would think I was some gold-digger working her way through their family.

When I finally seemed to calm my breathing, Edward was off the phone and looking at me like I was crazy, which I probably was. "Don't freak out."

"Don't freak out? How can you ask me not to freak out? You just invited your parents to the loft tonight. You are going to completely blindside them with all of our drama and then your father is going to hate me and your mother will probably think I'm some sort of whore who sleeps around with all the men in your family. It's... we... it will be a disaster, Edward."

"Have a little faith, will you? Anyways, I'd rather get this all out in the open, especially with Peter being so ruthless. My mother is a good person to have on our team." Edward seemed so confident about everything; I couldn't help but smile at him in return. I wasn't as sure as he was though.

In fact, the entire time we drove back to the loft, I felt dread settle in the pit of my stomach. I was certain that the evening was going to be a complete and utter disaster. "You need to stop worrying about it all," Edward urged as he escorted me into the apartment. "I promise I can handle my mother and things won't be nearly as bad as you are expecting them to be."

"Yes, they will be," a familiar smug voice replied as I did a double-take. How in the hell had he found me?


	25. Fight with Cudgels

**I know you all think I was mean for that last cliffy, but I'm even more shocked that some of you weren't sure it was Peter who was there! Anywhoo, MaggieMay14 makes this crap look pretty and Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read like superstars. **

**I don't own Twilight. I wish I owned Rough and Ready because I think the term 'Throbbing Meat Wand' is fabulous. If you don't know what I am talking about, check out my facebook page. I'm coldplaywhore words.**

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><p><em>"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels." -<em> Francisco de Goya

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**November 2011**

"Isn't this cozy?" Peter asked as he rose from the couch and looked between Bella and me with utter contempt in his eyes. His mouth upturned into a devious grin as I felt Bella grow anxious beside me. What in the fuck was going on here? "Did you miss me, Isabella?"

"Don't answer him," I spat, anger boiling up inside of me as I stared at my cousin. I couldn't fathom how this complete asshole had the same genes as me. It was unimaginable. We were so drastically different, it was like night and day. I also began to worry about how the hell he had figured out where the loft was and how he had gotten in. Then again, Emmett had been able to break into his hotel room easy enough, hadn't he?

"How to did you find her?" I asked, anxiously.

"Edward, you are stupider than you look," Peter yelled. "I have money and it can get you lots of wonderful things, like access to a private investigator or a five minute phone call with the receptionist at your work who informed me that you had been in and out of the office for weeks. Needless to say, I got suspicious and put two and two together. It was easy once I realized you were in the picture."

"Get the fuck out of here."

"And miss all the fun? Hardly," Peter sneered as I felt Bella tug on my coat, her entire body vibrating in fear.

I stepped in front of her, shielding her from his wrath as he simply laughed and threw himself back on the couch with a loud thump. The very same couch that Bella was pleasing herself on, as I shamefully watched, the day before.

"Peter, just go," I implored, trying to ease Bella's anxiety. "There's no reason to let things get worse than they already are. Just go on your way and let her get her own life back."

"Not likely, Edward. I'm not leaving without _my_ fiancée and the answer to why the hell she is with you right now? You barely know each other."

"I'm not yours anymore, or didn't you notice the ring I left in your hotel room?" Bella shouted angrily. "And, do you want answers? The reason I moved to Chicago was because of Edward. I was his first. We were in a relationship together long before I was yours… do you get that?"

"When?" Peter asked, confused by Bella's ranting. She was clearly getting worked up and I wasn't sure if it was due to courage or fear. Either way, she was managed to hold her own against him.

"We used to live here together over five years ago. It was the best, most beautiful and wonderful time of my life," Bella countered. "Not a single moment I had with you could compare to what I had with Edward."

"You're lying." Peter finally looked like he might crack; his voice wavered as he realized that I had Bella long before he did, and that she cared for me infinitely more than she would ever care for him. It actually made my heart soar as I heard her confess to him just how much she cared for me.

"No, she's not," I answered for Bella, as I felt buoyed by her declarations. "I loved her and she was my muse, my everything, and we had… there was a situation and we spilt up. She moved to Chicago and I stopped painting. She's not yours, Peter. Not now… not ever," I spat. Bella stayed by my side, close enough that I could feel her body heat against me. Peter, however, didn't back down like we hoped he would.

"I think this charade has gone on long enough, don't you think, Isabella? Coming up with convoluted lies to try and make me leave? This is pathetic."

"They're not lies," I countered, tempted to go and retrieve my latest work from the spare room to show him just how much she meant to me.

"Isabella, just stop. Stop," Peter yelled forcefully, causing Bella to cower slightly in fear. "We are going to head home to Chicago and you are going to stop with all of this nonsense."

"G-g-g... go away," she stammered as she clung to me like a lifeline. My mind was moving a mile a minute, trying to comprehend everything that had gone down to get us to this point. How the fuck did he break into the building? When will he get it through his thick skull that no one fucking wants him here? "I'm not leaving. I am going to stay here in Seattle… without you."

"Well that's not going to happen, Isabella. _We_ are going to go away, my dear. Now that I have found you, we're heading back to Chicago on the first available flight."

"Over my dead body," I shouted as I moved to take a step towards Peter, and Bella held me back.

"It can be arranged, Edward. I don't take too kindly to people taking what is mine," he replied through clenched teeth as I stared him down, trying to come across as menacing. I wasn't sure it was working though since he didn't back down at all. "I don't know what stupid lies my cousin has filled your head with Isabella, but it's going to stop right now. He clearly didn't want you enough the first time you apparently dated, otherwise he would have moved heaven and earth to find you, like I have. I will support you, love you and worship you in ways he can only dream of, so stop with all these silly fucking fantasies. The move to Seattle has been cancelled thanks to your little stunt and Marcus and the other partners have called me back to the Chicago office immediately. I'm _not_ going home alone."

"Yes, you are," Bella stated, trying to be firm as I looked down at her with an encouraging smile. "I'm not your property, Peter, and I'm staying here in Seattle. You don't have a say in my life anymore. You don't have anything to hold over me."

"Oh don't I?" Peter stood up from his spot on the couch, which I mentally reminded myself to burn after today, and began to close in the space between us. Bella stayed glued to me as we paced around each other awkwardly, neither one of us moving closer, but both of us trying to appear intimidating. "Just because you had Emmett break into the hotel and steal the disc doesn't mean there isn't another one out there. Did you really think I wouldn't make a copy of it?"

Bella gasped at my side. I hadn't been naïve enough to think that Peter only had one copy of the video, but I also knew that it didn't really matter anymore. Nothing would change how I felt about Bella, or that I knew she had been manipulated by Peter. She hadn't been strong enough then to refuse him, but she certainly would be now. I clenched her hand tightly in mind and lifted it up to my lips, giving it a small kiss as Peter looked on in surprise.

"I don't care about the video. Show it to my mother if you want. Hell, Marcus would probably get off on it," Bella exclaimed, her voice illustrating her fury perfectly. She was determined and fierce, and all kinds of hot if I was being honest. "It doesn't matter to me what you do with it. I don't care."

"You can't really be serious, Isabella."

"What Bella chooses to do with her life is none of your business anymore, Peter. Why can't you just let her go on and let her live the life she wants?" I questioned as my hands balled up into fists at my sides. I was ready to fight for her, something I didn't really do when she disappeared years earlier and I now regretted.

"Poor clueless Edward," Peter declared as he took a dramatic step towards us and we stepped back, nervous of his intentions. "You just don't get it. Isabella is mine. She always has been and always will be, regardless of the lies you've come up with to try and dissuade me otherwise. She'll do anything I want her to, you know?"

"Fuck you," Bella yelled as Peter threw back his head and cackled like a madman. What in the hell was his problem?

"You have had no problem fucking me or anyone else for that matter, Isabella. Is that what you want from him? Do you want Edward to fuck you? If you need to get that out of your system so you can come home with me, let's get on it. We have a flight to catch," Peter said callously as he watched Bella like he was stalking his prey. "You know Edward, she really is fantastic in bed, very docile and innocent. She'll do anything I tell her to do, or anyone for that matter."

"I already know of Bella's past and it doesn't fucking matter, so shut your damn mouth," I countered angrily.

"There's something Isabella doesn't like to do... shut her mouth. Do you know how many cocks she has sucked since she started dating me, Edward? How many men she has let violate her over and over again? How many women she has been with? All because I told her to." Peter was a vile motherfucker, throwing this shit in Bella's face again as she struggled to maintain control. I could hear her breathing falter behind me, and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was freaking out. She was paranoid that I would let him affect me, but he was too late. She had already told me everything, and the garbage he was spewing didn't faze me. The only thing it made me do was want to beat the shit out of him.

"You don't deserve her."

"And you do?" Peter laughed again as he neared us again. "You don't know this girl. You only know the shit she has told you, and all of it is lies. Her mother will even confirm how Isabella is a pathological liar. I've been helping her, Edward. All you are doing is making things worse. Hell, if what you say is true, you are probably the cause of all her emotional problems. You drove her to Chicago, to my arms, and I'm fixing what you've fucked up."

"I did nothing," I stated firmly, trying not to let my anger get the best of me. "Bella left me and lost our child. I found out a few days ago what happened."

"You're right, she left you... and she's about to do it again when she comes home with me. This isn't up for negotiation; now go grab your shit. We have a flight to catch."

"Shut up," Bella shouted as she stepped from behind me with her hands covering her ears. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up." Peter grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him and Bella struggled to pull away. He laughed like a maniac as I pulled her free and pushed her onto the couch as I stalked towards Peter with my fists at the ready. As Peter lunged towards me, my fist connected with his jaw and a loud crack could be heard in the open apartment. He deserved the hit and so much more.

"Don't fucking go near her," I shouted as Peter reached up to grasp his jaw but the smirk on his face remained in place, which only managed to enrage me further. "She's not property that you can just go tossing around like garbage. Your mother should have raised you better. I can't begin to understand how the fuck we are related."

"Fuck you, Edward," Peter grinned as I stood as a shield between him and Bella once more. "But I should thank you, because now I can press charges against you for assault and kidnapping, seeing as you are obviously keeping Isabella here against her will."

"No," Bella screamed from behind me as she jumped up from the couch and moved to stand in front of me, but I held her back. I didn't trust my cousin for one second to be close to her. "Edward did no such thing and if you try to press charges against him, I will tell everyone what you've made me do over the past few years. I will claim assault against you and…"

"I will bring up harassment and breaking and entering charges too," I added as I continued to stare down Peter, hoping to break him.

"Marcus will fire you the moment you have any charges pressed against you," Bella said smugly. "I don't think the firm will appreciate you dragging them through the mud, especially since I have nothing to lose and I will have no problem detailing every little thing you had me do in the name of 'love'."

"You wouldn't dare." For the first time, Peter actually sounded a bit concerned as he stared us down and neither of us seemed to care about his half-assed threats.

"Try me. I know the firm almost as well as you do and if you recall, Jason Jenks was fired for a hell of a lot less than what you would be charged with. The firm hates bad press, Peter, so if you refuse to leave me alone, I have no issue going to the police and the press with everything. Can you imagine what would happen if word got out that one of their attorneys arranged for his girlfriend to fuck co-workers at company functions?" For the first time, Bella actually looked smug and confident as she spoke to Peter. It was almost like I was seeing flashes of the Bella I had fallen in love with.

"Your name would be everywhere, Isabella. Do you really want that?"

"I'll do almost anything to get you out of my life," Bella declared vehemently as I kept my hand wrapped tightly around hers. "If it means revealing all of the secrets, I'd do it. I just want you gone, and you can take my mother, and her selfish attempts at reconciling with me, with you."

Bella stepped away from me and grabbed her cell phone, quickly turning it on and waving it in Peter's direction. "If you don't get the fuck out of here in the next minute, I'm calling the police and I will begin ruining your life the way you've ruined mine," she said fiercely as Peter's mouth turned into a devious frown and he glared between us with pure hatred.

"This is far from over."

"Oh, I disagree," I added with a grin. "If you so much as try to email, phone or see either of us again, we won't hesitate to contact the police. Even if they don't press charges, your name will still be dragged through the mud and the firm will fire you. There's no way you want that, right cousin? After all, your position at the firm means more than anything else in the world to you, even Bella."

Peter moved forward and lunged at me again with his fist clenched, but I reached him first and my fist collided harshly with his stomach as he doubled over. "Get out, _now_. We never want to see you again"

"You two deserve each other," Peter spat angrily as he moved slowly towards the elevator, clutching his stomach as I noticed his cheek was a bit red from where I hit him earlier. God, I hope it got a huge bruise, or worse.

As the elevator door closed, Peter banged angrily on the grate and slowly descended to the main floor. I stepped to the window and watched with baited breath for him to get into his car and leave. When he finally pulled away, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and looked over to the couch where Bella was sitting with her head buried in her hands, her breathing erratic.

"He's gone. There's nothing to worry about," I said softly as I sat beside her and she titled to her left, resting her head on my shoulder.

"It's not that easy, Edward," Bella admitted as tears began to fall down her cheeks and I didn't hesitate to reach up and push them away. After all, she over the past few years she had had a rough go of it. She deserved time to be emotional about everything, especially now that she was completely separated from Peter. "Everything he said was true and it kills me that I let my life turn into that... that I let him lead me into such a disappointing and destructive life. I just... I want people to look past what I did and see who I am. Does that even make any sense?"

Yeah, I knew exactly how she was feeling. I had made shitty mistakes in my past but everyone continued to fixate on how my art career went downhill, especially my mother, who repeatedly reminded me that I was letting my talent go to waste. As I sat there, my fingers wet with her tears, I knew that, even though she didn't say it, she wanted me to see beyond her bad decisions and I did.

I was proud of her for how she stood up against Peter, regardless of how scared she was. I was happy that she was beginning to find her own way in the world, and I hoped that she would go back and finish her degree. But more than anything, I was ecstatic that she was with me.

I turned slightly, my fingers reaching up to brush her lips as I contemplated what I was going to do for about a nano-second. I couldn't help myself. I leaned in and kissed her softly, her breath hitching the moment I pulled away. "What was that for?"

"I just think you needed to know that regardless of everything, I see you."


	26. Sleeping Girl

**As per usual, I appreciate MaggieMay14 for betaing this mess, even though her RL is super busy. Risbee and Acinad816 pre-read my crap and I adore them for it. I apologize for being slack on posting and review replies. I've got my fingers crossed that my RL will begin to slow down. At least I have chapter 27 of this with the beta already, right? I also wrote a contest entry and an doing a Twi25 thingy, which will post daily beginning in April for 25 days. See... I'm busy. **

**I don't own Twilight, but this plot and shit is all mine. Not that it matters.**

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><p><em>"Art doesn't transform. It just plain forms."- Roy Lichtenstein <em>

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><p><strong><strong>BPOV<strong>**

**November 2011**

My body was wrapped in a fog and for a brief moment I believed I was actually safe and sound for the first time in as long as I could remember. I felt far removed from the overbearing threats of Peter and my crippling fear of being alone. Then I tried to move and my arms wouldn't budge and panic almost set in. In fact, I felt extremely warm and when I opened my eyes, I looked down to see arms wrapped tightly around me. I turned to see Edward spooning me on the couch in the living room of the loft.

What in the hell was going on here?

The last thing I remembered was Peter leaving and Edward and I talking. When in the hell had I fallen asleep?

"Oh good, you're finally awake," I heard the soft voice of Edward's mother state as I looked to the chair to my left and sure enough, there she sat with her husband Carlisle, a very handsome salt & pepper haired man, standing behind her.

I had met him on the very first night I met the entire family, but he hadn't been very vocal, choosing to let his family drama go down without his input. He seemed nice enough in the few other occasions I had seen him. I nudged Edward with my elbow, but instead of moving, he just clung to me tighter and buried his face into the crook of my neck. It was almost like he was afraid to let me go, and believe me, the feeling was mutual. In fact, if his parents weren't standing mere feet away, I'd probably try to go back to sleep.

"Um... Edward... your mother and father are here." I said again as I nudged him once more and he finally seemed to stir. Unfortunately, he also proceeded to rub himself against my ass as his mother coughed loudly, trying to wake him further.

"Clearly, there's a lot of things we need to discuss," Esme said simply as Edward's eyes shot open and he abruptly let go of me and I tumbled to the floor as he sat up quickly, clearly freaked out. I rubbed at my now sore elbow as Edward looked at me in shock.

"Oh shit," he said loudly as he reached forward and helped me up from the floor. "I am so sorry about that."

"No worries," I answered honestly. "You were caught a little off guard."

"He wasn't the only one," Esme replied coolly. "Do either of you care to tell us what in the hell is going on here? Last I heard from Peter, Bella was missing and my sons are telling me not to talk to my nephew anymore. I've been confused as hell and this isn't helping matters."

"I think we all deserve some answers, Edward," said Carlisle as I smiled shyly at his parents and tried to right my clothes as I adjusted myself on the couch. I was certain that I looked like complete shit, but I knew his mother didn't care.

Esme had been extremely sweet to me when she was trying to help Peter and I find a place in the city, but I knew she was suspicious of our relationship from the get go. She saw firsthand how Peter treated me when it was just the three of us out house-hunting. His controlling nature, rude behavior and constant put downs really weighed on me when we were together and I wished I had been stronger to deal with everything at the time. I really wasn't sure how Esme had never said anything to him or me.

"By the way, it's nice to see you again, Isabella. It's also wonderful to see you aren't actually missing," Carlisle added.

"I was never actually missing, but thanks, Carlisle," I replied as Esme looked between Edward and me, clearly apprehensive. "And I prefer to be called Bella, please." Edward's father nodded in acquiescence and then pulled up a chair beside Esme and sat down.

"How long has this been going on?" his mother questioned as I turned to Edward, unsure of how to answer the question. Do we start from now... or from the beginning?

"Since umm... October 2006... right?" Edward deferred to me and I simply nodded my head. "Bella used to model for me back when I was in art school."

"Well... that was unexpected," Carlisle replied as he turned to Esme to get her reaction. She looked equally as surprised as her husband.

"I'm assuming you haven't been together this entire time, correct?"

"No," I replied quickly. I looked to Edward and he motioned for me to continue. I guess we were about to share the entire story. "Edward helped me out greatly by letting me move in when I was evicted shortly after we began dating. Things went well for a while, really well actually, but after the Christmas holidays and New Years my father died of a heart attack..."

"I'm so sorry," Esme interrupted as I held out my hand to silence her. I needed to get everything out before I couldn't manage it.

"I also had a miscarriage the day he passed away. I hadn't known I was pregnant at the time, but it was an ectopic pregnancy and I wasn't able to carry it to term." My breathing hitched as I watched Esme cover her mouth in surprise and tears began to fall down her cheeks. "Please know that Edward didn't tell you about this sooner because he only found out recently. We didn't part on good terms, or any terms actually... and when we had our dinner with Peter months ago, it was the first time he had seen me since January 2007."

"I'm confused," Carlisle stated firmly. "Why didn't you come back to Seattle after the miscarriage and funeral?"

"That was my fault," Edward said sheepishly as he raised his hand and looked at his parents with regret clear in his eyes. "When Bella left, I had no idea what had happened to her. I tried to contact her, but it turned out her cell phone was dead. Regardless, I spent a few days worrying about her whereabouts and when she finally got in touch with her friend to contact me, I had already spiraled out of control."

"What? When... I'm confused? When were you out of control?"

"The latter half of January and most of February and March 2007." Esme and Carlisle both looked shocked as Edward bowed his head softly, certain to face the backlash of his parents.

"What in the hell happened and why on earth are we just hearing about it now? I'm just shocked, Carlisle." Esme turned to her husband who was gripping her hand firmly. "Tell us what happened, Edward."

"I got a little involved in drugs because they took me away from everything. I was hurting because of Bella's abrupt departure and this loft held hundreds of memories of her, so I did anything I could to forget. It was shitty of me, I know. I was far too quick to jump to conclusions and I should have had some sort of faith or trust in Bella, but I didn't. I was too young and stupid to realize that she never would have just left me without a reason." Edward gripped my hand in his and I couldn't help but notice how we mirrored his parents. "I have no idea why she forgives me for being such an idiot, but she does. Thank god." I reached up and cupped his cheek with my hand, almost ready to kiss him, when his father cleared his throat.

"And why didn't you come back, Bella?"

"I sent a friend over to talk to Edward and let him know what was going on. When she showed up, he was already high and out of control. She came to Forks and was honest with me about what she saw. I didn't come back because I couldn't handle his problems and mine at the same time. I was messed up enough about the death of my dad and the baby, I couldn't... I just couldn't deal with Edward, too," I answered honestly. "My mom and Kate convinced me to move to Chicago after I spent months in Forks on the edge of a dark depression."

"Enlighten me on something... how are you not strung out on drugs now," Carlisle questioned, his eyes dark and disappointed as he stared at his son.

"Emmett."

"Jesus Christ, I should have known he had something to do with this," Esme muttered in frustration.

"He was just trying to help. If you recall back in early 2007 you guys were both swamped at work and we barely saw each other for a few months. Emmett just sorta took control and got me back on track. He even paid for my rehab and everything. For the record, I have paid him back. It's one of the reasons I started working for him."

"We should have known, for fucks sake. I'm so disappointed in both of you," Carlisle yelled as he eyed up his wife, who looked like she was about to break into tears again. "No matter how busy you thought we were Edward, we were never too busy for you or Emmett. I hate that you had to take matters into your own hands. We could have helped. Fuck, we could have helped both of you."

I sat back as Edward recounted his days in rehab to Carlisle and Esme and they looked even more shocked than I did to hear some of the details. Thankfully, he wasn't as bad as some of the other people in the center, but still, Edward had a rough time of it. I felt sorry for him, but we had both been in bad places then. I forgave him, because we were both young and stupid at the time, but I knew the guilt we both harbored was something we would have to discuss in therapy if we were going to completely move past it all.

"This stops here," Esme declared vehemently. "At Thanksgiving, we can all sit down, Emmett and Rosalie included, and set expectations. We are your parents and we deserve to know what is going on. So now... what is going on?"

"Bella is living here for the time being. With Peter heading back to Chicago, she's free to decide what she wants to do. Whether she wants to finish her degree, or go to work... it doesn't matter to me."

"Wait? Peter is going back to Chicago? When did this happen?"

"Earlier today he came here looking for Bella. He conned the receptionist at the firm and then hired an investigator to follow me. Apparently the move here is cancelled and he had to move back to Chicago. Bella is clearly not going with him. She can stay here and do as she likes." Edward's announcement shocked me. I knew he wasn't about to kick me out, but it was wonderful to hear him being so supportive of me. "Do you know what you want to do?"

"I'm considering going back to school," I answered honestly. "I never got to finish my degree the first time around since I was so heartbroken over the baby and Charlie. Maybe I can use some of my existing credits to fast track everything." I could see a look of pride on Edward's face as his hand squeezed tightly around mine. Clearly, he liked this idea. "I'd like to be a teacher, I think."

"Are you guys dating once more?" Carlisle questioned calmly as Edward began to speak.

"No, we're not. We're friends right now and we're going to therapy. We see Dr. Gerandy once a week together, and I see him on my own once every two weeks and so does Bella."

"You're going together?" Carlisle looked at Esme incredulously. "Why would you go together if you aren't actually dating anymore?"

"To get past everything that happened," Edward said simply. "I think we'd both like to move forward, to stop drowning in the past and maybe make a go of things again. I know I would." I looked at Edward, too shocked to speak, and simply nodded my head.

"I'd like more than anything to move on," I muttered quietly, breaking the silence.

"Oh Bella..." Esme said softly as Carlisle clutched at his wife's shoulder, but it didn't stop her from coming forward and wrapping me in an awkward hug. "I wish things were so different for you... for both of you. I hope it's not too forward of me, but I'd like to invite you to join us for Thanksgiving dinner, if you are free of course."

"Um... well..." I looked at Edward and he simply shrugged his shoulders, leaving the answer up to me. If I was being honest, I would have loved to have joined them for dinner, but I also felt like I would be out of place. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'm just gonna stay in."

"If you change your mind dear, the offer still stands," Esme replied sweetly as she pointed a finger at Edward and frowned. "This is far from over by the way. You better be at dinner on Thursday."

"Yeah, I'll be there, Mom."

The beginning of the next week passed slowly, but it was certainly eventful. On Tuesday, I headed over to the UW campus and met with the new head of the English department, Sasha Marshall. She was really sweet and admitted that she had heard a bit about me from my former professor, who had since moved on to Stanford. She told me that some of my credits would still apply towards my degree, but I would need to talk to admissions before anything could really be done.

Needless to say, after I left her office, I headed straight to admissions. After meeting with Mrs. Cope in admissions for over thirty minutes, I was now stuck playing a waiting game. The winter semester didn't start until the new year, but she was hopeful that something could be done in time. I spent Wednesday going through my finances with a fine tooth comb to make sure Peter hadn't managed to get his hands on whatever was left of my money. Thankfully, each penny seemed to be accounted for and everything was gone from his control.

On Wednesday night though, things went downhill. I was sitting on the couch, reading an old novel and sipping tea when my cell phone rang. It was rare to get a call that wasn't Kate or Edward, but I answered the unknown number anyways and was floored to hear the voice on the other end.

"Isabella, this isn't funny anymore. Get back to Chicago."

"Go away, mother," I stated firmly, trying to come across as strong as I could. "I won't be returning, now or ever."

"Stop being so childish. There's no reason for you and Peter to break up or for you to stay away from your home," Renee countered as I laughed heartily.

"Chicago is not my home. It never was. You tried as hard as you could to turn me into you and it was the last thing I wanted. I don't want to be married to Peter, or any other lawyer, and I don't want to turn into you – a heartless bitch," I responded, proud of myself for finally speaking my mind.

"Isabella, you are being ridiculous." I could hear Renee pacing furiously on the other end of the phone and I felt bad for any of her employees who came by because they would surely face her wrath.

"No, I'm seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time. I'm staying here and you can go to hell. You never loved Dad and he worshipped the ground you walked on. I won't stay in a relationship with a man I don't love and I refuse to live in a city that you call home."

"I thought we were making amends."

"What a crock of shit. You were manipulating me for your own agenda. I don't care anymore. You are out of my life. Stop calling, don't email, text or even write me a letter. I'm done."

I hung up the phone and immediately burst into tears. It wasn't that I felt bad for finally cutting Renee out of my life, but I was upset at the loss of yet another parent. Sure, Renee was a shitty parent and didn't give two shits about what I wanted, but she still gave birth to me. I felt the urge to call someone, but when I tried Kate's cell, it went straight to voicemail. It was then that I realized I had no one else to really talk to.

Kate was my best friend and my usual sounding board, but with her unavailable the only other person I thought to call was Edward. He didn't need to be listening to this shit, even though I knew he would. As I scrolled through the contacts on my phone, I realized there was one other person I could talk to and I immediately dialed her number.

She listened to me bitch and moan about the loss of my mother and was even encouraging about it. She believed that it wasn't fair for me to have someone toxic in my life when I was trying to move on and I agreed wholeheartedly with her.

This was how Esme Cullen and I became close friends and she finally convinced me to go to Thanksgiving dinner.

**Want a fic rec? I got a few for you like... Head Over Feet by iambeagle, which is absolutely adorable. What about Watching Her by les16, I'm dying to see where she takes this story and finally Here, In My Room by nightcaller. It deals with some touchy subject matter, like abuse, but it's a wonderful and interesting read.**


	27. Self Portrait

**I know, it's been a bit longer than usual with this update but between me being sick and my beta, MaggieMay14 being absolutely swamped in her RL, there's gonna be delays. On a positive note, Maggie has the rest of the chapters for this story! Also, I am doing the Twi25 this spring so in the next few weeks you will see a new short, daily updated fic from me. Woo Hoo, right?**

**Risbee and Acinad816 are pre-reading champs and encourage me more than they probably should.**

**I don't own Twilight. I don't own any of the art I've mentioned either. I wish though.**

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><p>"<em>I'm looking for the unexpected. I'm looking for things I've never seen before." – Robert Mapplethorpe<em>

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><p><strong>November &amp; December 2011<strong>

**EPOV**

I really wasn't looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. Not only were my parents sure to continue grilling me and Emmett regarding my stint in rehab, but I was also concerned about Bella. She had refused my mother's invitation to join the family for dinner and when I mentioned it to her in passing she said she would be fine. I knew the holidays were always the worst for me when we were apart, so I couldn't help but believe that she wouldn't be happy at the loft alone, regardless of what she claimed.

What I didn't know was that when I arrived at my parents, Bella would be in the kitchen peeling potatoes with my mother and they would be giggling like old friends. It was very surreal to see them standing together with such big smiles on their faces.

"Look who I got to change her mind," my mother announced as she wiped her hands clean and stepped forward to give me a big hug. Bella simply shook her peeler in the air, waving to me awkwardly, before she went back to her task at hand. "Be nice to her. She's nervous about being here," she added in a whisper.

"That's great," I replied anxiously, still surprised to see Bella in my parents' house, especially since her hair was up and she was wearing a new dress. She looked... happy and beautiful. My mother excused herself for a moment to go and get more wine and I moved closer to Bella, standing directly behind her. "New dress?"

Bella stilled as I put my hands on the counter, surrounding her completely and she took a small step backwards, into me. "Rosalie loaned it to me actually. I didn't have anything really nice to wear for dinner." This also stunned me. When in the hell had Bella and Rosalie, let alone my mother and Bella, become such close friends? It didn't bother me exactly; it just took me by surprise. "She and Emmett picked me up at the loft this morning and when she saw what I was wearing, she took me back to their place to get changed."

"Well, she chose well." I moved both hands away from her and stepped back as my mother came back into the room. "So, Emmett and Rose are here?"

"Yeah, Rosalie is in the den calling her parents to wish them a happy thanksgiving and I believe your father and Emmett are having a talk." Uh oh, I knew that talk couldn't go well. "You'd be best to avoid them for now, unless of course you want to get in the middle of it."

"No, not really," I replied simply, as I grabbed a carrot from the counter and tossed it in my mouth.

"Well, you have two choices, Edward. Either you go join the men and get this chat out of the way, or you help Bella and I cook." I kissed my mother on the cheek and gave Bella a tiny crooked smile as I stepped from the kitchen and went to find my brother and father.

The conversation / argument actually went better than I expected. Emmett may have laid into my father a bit too much about being absent when we needed him, but he took it surprisingly well. Emmett told him all about what he found when he came to the loft all those years ago and how he couldn't let it go on, but that he also had his own issues to worry about. It took weeks for Emmett to finally nail me down to go to rehab, but he had truly been the catalyst for everything. Though we used to fight like cats and dogs when we were younger, first and foremost we were brothers and we would do anything for each other.

It was a relief when amends were finally made and everyone agreed that at least I had been taken care of. Carlisle made us both promise not to let shit get out of hand again just as Esme came in to announce that dinner was served. Before we left the office, Emmett pulled me back in and seemed concerned.

"Are you alright with Bella being here?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno... perhaps because she's your ex-girlfriend and almost baby mama. I would have thought this would have been weird. Keep in mind though, I like the girl."

"It's fine, Emmett," I said seriously as I patted him on the back and urged him out the room. "We're going to therapy and being honest with each other. Will we reunite? I have no idea, but I'm happy right now, which is saying a lot since I haven't been happy in very a long time."

"Okay, I just worry about you, is all."

"Well stop. I'm fine, okay?" Emmett nodded his head and we headed together for the dining room and the most delicious, yet awkward dinner ever to be held at the Cullen home.

The entire time we ate, I could tell my mother was scheming. She purposefully sat Bella next to me, so we were constantly leaning or reaching over each other. I brushed my hand twice against her by accident and each time I looked at her, I could practically see down the front of her dress. Damned Rosalie and her decision to re-dress Bella. I tried to play everything cool, but it was hard as fuck.

"So Edward... Bella told me you painted again," my mother announced to the table. Fuck. I looked over at Bella and she blushed slightly before looking down at her plate sheepishly.

"Oh... yeah... sorta."

"I didn't know that," Emmett declared as he shoved a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. "Th-at's awfume."

"Yeah, it's... it's a work in progress. I just decided to try the other day and it was fine. I'm not quitting the firm to throw myself back into painting though, so don't worry about that."

"Why not? Emmett can hire someone else." Rosalie stated. "If I had your talent, I'd be all over that."

"It's not the ability, Rosalie. I know I _can_ paint, I just don't have the urge like I used to."

"Maybe that will change," my mother added as she looked at Bella and winked at her before turning back towards me. What in the hell was going on?

"Maybe."

"Is that gallery in San Francisco still interested?" Esme questioned.

"There's a gallery interested in your work?" Bella questioned, her voice filled with surprise. "You didn't tell me about that."

"They bought the things I had done in high school, so of course they wanted more from me. I just didn't, and still don't, have any more pieces for them."

"But... maybe we could..." I interrupted Bella before she could go any further with her pipe dreams.

"I'm not interested in selling anything right now, Bella. Let's just drop it, alright?" I looked up and shot my mother a look of frustration for meddling in this part of my life as Bella let out a small sigh of frustration beside me.

Thankfully, the conversation shifted to a house my mother was trying to sell in Rosalie and Emmett's neighborhood and everyone ignored Bella and me. I leaned in and she followed suit, as I apologized. "I'm sorry about them."

"I adore your mother and sister-in-law, so don't worry about."

"I just don't want you to feel awkward or anything."

"Edward, this is the least nervous I've felt at a family event in years, even with my gallery faux pas. It's ok." Bella leaned down and gripped my hand firmly in hers, giving me a gentle squeeze before she turned back to finishing her dinner.

We enjoyed a quiet dessert and coffee and when it came time to leave, I offered to drive Bella home, so that Emmett and Rose weren't going out of their way. What I really wanted was some time alone with her since we hadn't had any all night.

"Hey Edward, can we talk a minute?" Rose asked with a serious look on her face. We stepped into the den and immediately I knew something was up. "Listen, I really like Bella. She's a sweet girl who has had a rough go of it, and I just want to say... if you don't think you can be with her again, please don't lead her on."

I opened and shut my mouth a few times, no doubt gaping at Rose like a fish, but I unsure of what to say to her. Rose was certainly being bold in telling me to basically shit or get off the pot where Bella was concerned. With her hands perched on her hips, Rosalie stared me down and looked pissed.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm trying, alright? Am I still hurt by everything? Yeah, but I'm doing my best to get past it all. Am I ready to jump into a relationship with her? No, not yet. Do I still care for her? Of course I do."

"She's stronger than we give her credit for, but if it doesn't work out between the two of you, I don't know what will happen with her."

"Why... what did she say?"

"Nothing, that's what's got me concerned. She had a smile plastered on her face all day while spending time with the family. I just want her to be real and honest with herself and you. Unless you are really prepared to give it a go, I suggest you tread lightly my friend."

"Will do," I replied as I gave her a quick hug and then high tailed it out of the room, desperate to get home.

My mother shoved leftovers at both Bella and I, including a whole pumpkin pie for Bella. "You just look like you could use a bit more meat, or pie, on the bones," my mother said with a laugh as Bella accepted her food graciously. "I'll call you on Monday to make plans for lunch, alright?"

"Sure, and thanks for today, Esme. It really meant the world to me." Bella wrapped my mother in a huge hug and I followed suit before she ushered us out the door and into the cold Seattle night.

The car ride home was filled with awkward silences surrounded by strained attempts at conversation. Before I was even able to say anything of importance, we were already back at the loft.

"Listen, I know you weren't expecting me to be there tonight," Bella said softly as she climbed from the car and I followed her into the building. "But for what it's worth, it was a really good night for me. I had fun with your family and your mother is really sweet and has the best of intentions. So... please don't be upset with her for meddling, alright?"

I nodded softly as I let the elevator carry us up to the loft. "I won't be too hard on her."

"Please don't be hard on her at all. She really helped me out yesterday when I needed someone to talk to," Bella said softly as we walked into the loft and I took off her coat, tossing it on a chair near the door. "I'm just gonna get changed out of Rosalie's dress. Get comfy or... whatever."

Bella was back three minutes later in a pair of comfortable yoga pants and a loose fitting t-shirt. She looked just as beautiful dressed down as she had in Rosalie's dress. "So... you and my mom are friends now?"

"Sorta, I guess." Bella fidgeted as she sat down on the couch beside me and gave me a small smile. "I ended things with my mom last night and I needed someone to talk to. Kate has been away for the holidays, so I didn't want to bother her."

"What about me?"

"I bother you far too much." I wrapped my arm over Bella's shoulder and held her close to me, feeling almost whole for the first time in a long time.

"It's never a bother, honestly. Remember, we need to be honest and open with one another."

"You sound like Dr. Gerandy."

"I guess that means I'm paying attention, right?" Bella yawned and curled into my side as Rosalie's voice suddenly bombarded my mind. '_If you don't think you can be with her again, please don't lead her on.' _ "Do you want to go to bed, I know it's late..." I trailed off and when I looked down, Bella's eyes were already closed.

I slipped out from beside her and pulled a blanket over her as she lay on the couch, looking peaceful and happy. Though I initially planned to leave and call her in the morning, my eyes were distracted by the spare room filled with my art supplies. Before I could even think about it, I was painting again.

The next month flew by and before we knew it, the holidays were upon us again. Bella and I continued our therapy sessions and things were progressing well for both of us. Bella was starting to really thrive and with the help of my mother, she had even scored a part time job at law firm that Esme worked closely with. She was just helping out as an office assistant, but Bella was grateful for the job and the chance to be away from the loft for a few hours each day.

On the 20th, Bella got her notice from the University of Washington that she was accepted to the winter semester and that based on her grades and previous courses, she only needed to finish three courses to graduate. She was over the moon when she found out and I eagerly took her to dinner that night to celebrate.

We had been growing closer over the past few weeks, and ever since I spent Thanksgiving night there, squirreled away in the spare room painting, I had been to the loft a few times a week to paint. Mainly after work, but once I spent an entire Saturday there and I was shocked when Bella surprised me with dinner that night.

It was now the 24th and Esme had invited the entire family, including Bella, over for Christmas Eve dinner. Unlike Thanksgiving, I picked Bella up at the loft and she didn't need to change into something from Rosalie as she splurged and bought herself a new dress for the holidays. Kate and Garrett were coming into the city for New Years and staying with Bella at the loft, so I knew she was excited about having them visit, but it was so different and nice to see her genuinely happy for a change.

As per usual, my mother went all out for the holidays and had a huge tree in the living room decorated in hundreds of lights and lavish decorations. From the moment we walked into the house, it smelled like Christmas; a mixture of gingerbread, cinnamon and pine. Esme was her usual jovial self around Bella and so beyond welcoming to her, then again, they had become the best of friends over the past few weeks, so it shouldn't have come as any surprise to me.

As I sat on the couch and watched my mother and Bella laugh over something, I couldn't help but feel a pang of regret. This scene, playing out before me, should have happened years ago. Bella should have visited for the holidays with me and then we should have gone to see Charlie together. That was what really should have happened our first Christmas. We shouldn't have spent it apart and my family should have known from the get go that I love her.

I paused for a moment as the realization sunk in... I love her.

I looked up and Bella was staring at me with concern in her eyes. I waved her away and she continued back on her conversation with my mother as I realized that the books I got her for Christmas wouldn't be enough. I had to come up with something, and quick, that showed her just how much I cared about her.

Dinner was enjoyable and afterwards Esme and Carlisle gave each of us, including Bella, presents. Emmett got season tickets to see the Mariners and Rosalie got a rather expensive gift certificate to a local spa. I was surprised to see the gift certificate to a local art supply store and when I narrowed my eyes at my mother, she simply smiled.

"You may not need it today, but you will need it, Edward," she reasoned as she turned to Bella and urged her to open her gift. I think all of us were shocked when Bella opened a box containing a MacBook. "We can't have you heading off to school unprepared."

I could see tears forming in the corner of Bella's eyes before she stood up and went to wrap my mother in a huge hug. They whispered something quietly to each other and my mother hugged her close again, before they finally separated as Emmett cleared his throat.

"Rosalie and I have little gifts for all of you too," Emmett exclaimed as Rosalie handed out square boxes that made the rest of us confused. I unwrapped mine slowly, watching as my father pulled a coffee mug out his cup that read 'World's Best Grandpa'. Emmett and Rosalie were smiling more than I had ever seen before as my parents finally put two and two together and realized what this meant; Emmett and Rose were finally expecting.

I looked over at Bella, who was clutching a similar mug that read 'World's Greatest Aunt'. I didn't even have to open mine to guess what it was, so I put it to the side as Bella scooted closer to me and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. I was absolutely worried about how she would take the news of Rosalie's pregnancy since we were finally starting to cross that bridge in therapy.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry they blindsided you like this," I whispered quietly, not wanting to interrupt the celebration happening just feet away from us. They deserved to be excited since they had been trying for a baby for so long.

"Yeah... Rosalie and I talked about it already. She didn't want me to be surprised and have a freak out, so we discussed it and I am honestly happy for them, Edward." Bella smiled sweetly, her brown eyes staring through me they were so expressive and sweet, that I couldn't help the next words that fell from my mouth.

"Would you go out to dinner with me? Well, not tomorrow since it's Christmas, but soon... like a real, honest to goodness date? I want to move on... with you."

**Need something to read? Check out the Hope Springs Eternal Entries. I may have a little something something in there with my bestie Risbee. Not that you'll know, since it's Anon. LOL. Also I'm enjoying 'The Arrangement' by Gemgirl65. Go give them some love!**


	28. Starry Night

**I'm back, and much faster than last time huh? MaggieMay14 betas this madness and Risbee & Acinad816 are pre-readers extraordinaire. This story is almost over, but don't worry. Pretty soon I will be posting my Twi25 short story and then I have a few other ideas being tossed about, since Risbee loves to encourage me far more than she should.**

**I don't own Twilight. I have been slack on reviews and for that I apologize. I adore you all for taking the time to read and review.**

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><p><em>"<strong>I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people." – Vincent Van Gogh<strong>_

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

**Late January 2012**

"I have nothing to wear," I complained to Kate over the phone as I stood in my closet, flipping quickly through the clothes I had hanging. "I mean... it's our fourth date, right? I shouldn't be over thinking this. It's just Edward."

"Yeah... just the Edward you've been pining for since the day you met him. Just the Edward you let paint you, fuck you and fell head over heels in love with," Kate replied, the sarcasm dripping in her voice. "Put on that blue sweater dress that you wore when I was there at New Years."

"I wore it for our last date when we went to Pike Place Market."

"The silky green blouse with a skirt that you bought when we went shopping?"

"I wore it to work yesterday, so it's in the laundry."

"Do your laundry then."

"I can't," I replied anxiously. "Edward is going to be here in about twenty minutes and I'm currently dressed in a towel with a cell phone dangling from my ear."

"Ditch the cell phone and the towel and I'm sure he'll be thrilled." I let out a loud moan of frustration, complete with a stomping of my feet as I took another look through my closet for anything suitable. "Did Edward say where you were going?"

"No... just to dress comfortable," I replied curtly.

"Go with some tight jeans and that really nice sweater, you know... the grey one with the cowl neck." Bella reached for the sweater and decided that Kate was right; the sweater would do just fine.

"Thanks."

"That's what I am here for, right?" Kate laughed as I strolled into the bedroom and found Edward sitting on the edge of my bed with a grin on his face. I let out a small yelp of surprise and dropped the phone. I bent over, trying not to flash anything I shouldn't have been flashing, and reached blindly for the phone, while one hand kept my towel closed. "What... Bella... is everything okay?"

"Yeah, someone just got here early is all," I replied, glaring at Edward.

"Go get you some, girl." Kate then proceeded to whistle loudly in my ear before telling me goodbye and hanging up on me.

"You are early."

"You said that already."

"But, I wasn't talking to you at the time. You need to um... give me about ten minutes to finish getting ready," I explained as I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him up from the bed. Then I began to push him out of the bedroom door as he laughed at me. "Seriously, even five minutes..."

"It's not like I haven't seen it all before," Edward replied as he turned around and leaned against the door frame.

"Keep it up and you won't see it anytime soon." I smirked at him and waved playfully as I quickly shut the door, unable to get into this conversation with him anymore. At least not yet. We definitely weren't ready for the sex talk, were we?

As I proceeded to get dressed, I thought back on how much Edward had changed since Christmas. I wasn't sure if it was his therapy with Dr. Gerandy that was doing wonders for him, but he had literally come out of his shell. He was much more open, sweet and even flirty with me. He was a lot more like the Edward I first fell in love with. We'd been on three dates so far and tonight was our fourth, and I was giddy with excitement. Each one had gotten progressively better than the first, which was a bit awkward and forced at the beginning.

There had been no major make-out sessions or anything like that, but Edward and I had shared a few small kisses over the past few weeks that practically made me melt. Each touch from him was like I was being touched by sunshine, but of course I wouldn't tell him that since he would probably laugh at me. I didn't care. I was on the fast track to fall even harder in love with him.

Over the past few weeks, it was amazing how much I felt like I had changed as well. I had started back to school, but I only had one class on Monday afternoon and two others on Thursday morning. This gave me a lot of time to acclimate back into being in college as well as to work for the law firm Esme had hooked me up with a little over a month ago. I was finally moving forward with everything in my life, including my relationship with Edward. Sure, we weren't moving as quickly as we had the first time around, but any forward movement was good for me.

I had just finished pulling my hair back into a ponytail when there was a rough knock on the bedroom door.

"Are you almost done?"

"You're early," I shouted in frustration.

"Yeah, well I was wrong about the time of the thing in the place that I want to take you to," Edward replied through the door as I whipped it open and he stood there looking rather sheepish, but completely adorable. "I'm sorry, I screwed it up."

"When does it start?"

"In thirty minutes."

"How long does it take to get there?"

"About twenty five minutes, with no traffic." I let out a groan and grabbed my purse from the dresser before I made my way out to the living room. Edward already had my coat waiting for me and he helped me slip it on before we headed out into the cold January night.

Needless to say I was a little shocked when Edward parked at the Seattle Art Museum. I turned in my seat and looked at him with uncertainty. "This is unexpected."

"Well, I got us tickets to the Gauguin exhibition but then I discovered they were also playing a movie about Polynesia, which was where he did a lot of his painting," Edward rambled on as I grabbed his arm in an attempt to soothe him.

"It's perfect, really."

"Well, we have dinner plans at Taste at 7, the exhibition at 8 and the movie at 9."

"You certainly have everything planned out, don't you?"

"Not well though since I thought it all started at 8," Edward answered as I squeezed his hand. "Let's go."

The evening with Edward was even better than I expected. After dinner we headed into the gallery and caught the Gauguin and Polynesia exhibition, which was awesome. I had forgotten, until I stood there looking at some beautiful paintings with Edward, just how much I loved art. Though it was Edward who had taught me everything I knew about art, I continued to enjoy it, even when he wasn't in my life.

The movie we watched, which was about Gauguin and his life in Tahiti was even better than I expected. The theatre was packed and Edward stayed close to my side the entire time, our fingers tangled together in the dark. After the movie was over, he immediately took us back to the loft, but unlike how we usually ended things, he asked if he could stay for a while.

"Do you want me to make us some coffee?" I asked as I tossed my coat onto a nearby chair and headed straight into the kitchen.

"Nah, I'm a little too keyed up for all of that." I watched as Edward paced anxiously around the living room, picking up random knick knacks and pictures. His anxiety was a little bit disconcerting, if I was being honest.

"You okay?" I took a swift drink from the glass of water I had poured and looked at him with a serious expression on his face. "I mean… you had a good time tonight, right?"

"Yeah, of course I did. I always have fun with you."

"Then what's going on?" Suddenly my worst fear hit me and I sat down with a thump in the large armchair. "Wait… this isn't going to be one of those… I love you, but I'm not in love with you kind of things is it? You know… where you break my heart and I have to get on with my life, is it?"

"Fuck, no," Edward exclaimed as he came down and sat on the couch beside me, taking my hands into his. "I'm sorry I've been weird since we walked in here. I've had something on my mind for a few days now and I just don't know how to discuss it with you."

"Just do it. It's like pulling off a band…"

"Will you pose for me?" Edward interrupted as I stopped what I was saying at looked at him with my eyes wide.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." Edward's hand moved to the back of his neck, where he rubbed it, showing that he was really unsure. "I mean… I've done a few works lately and I really wanted to try… with you, again."

"You don't seem so sure," I answered. I didn't want Edward to push himself when it came to his art, but I knew he had been painting and drawing more than usual. In fact, I knew he had used that gift certificate that his parents gave him for Christmas since there were dozens of new canvases and paint supplies in the spare room. "Are you sure this is something you are ready for?"

"Dr. Gerandy seems to think so."

"You discussed painting me with Dr. Gerandy? Like… a lot?"

"Almost every session for the past month, actually."

I think this confession surprised me more than the fact that Edward wanted to paint me. Part of me was very excited that he had thought this through and another part of me was anxious about the possibility of him seeing me naked again. It had been a while, discounting earlier in the day when he saw me in just a towel, but I couldn't help but wonder if he would like what he saw when all was said and done. My body certainly wasn't the same it had been over five years ago, but time hadn't been that horrible to me either.

"Are _you_ okay with this? I mean… I think I'm ready, but if you aren't, Bella, then I will understand completely."

"No… no," I replied emphatically. "Don't take my silence as refusal. It's just been a while, you know?"

"So… do you want to?" I nodded eagerly and Edward smiled brightly before leaning over the chair and wrapping me in a big hug.

"Where do you want me?"

"That's a loaded question, don't you think?" Edward was smug as I stood up from the chair and smacked him with the back of my hand against his shoulder.

"Why don't you go get your supplies out here and I'll go get changed, alright?" With that, I turned from the room and headed into the bedroom as Edward quickly shuffled about, getting his easel and canvas into the living room and all setup for our session. I could hear him behind the walls as he prepared and I paced around the bedroom, my stomach flopping around nervously. Hell, I was probably more nervous now than I was the first day he painted me, and I was a wreck that day.

I pulled my clothes off and tossed them in the nearby laundry hamper. When I looked up, I saw the silk robe from our past hanging on a hanger in the closet and though my fingers reached forward, wanting to wear it, I stopped. If we were going to truly move forward, then we needed to let go of the past. That silk robe was definitely a thing of the past. I reached up once more and grabbed it quickly before throwing it in the garbage can in the bathroom. I had been attempting to move forward, not backward, so I squared my shoulders and pushed my breasts out before stepping into the living room completely nude.

Edward's back was to me as he squeezed paint out onto a palette he had setup beside the easel. There, in the middle of the room, was the large armchair draped with a white sheet. "I'm assuming I sit there?" I asked, interrupting Edward and causing him to drop his paintbrush as he turned around and found me waiting for him.

His mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally stepped away from his supplies and motioned towards the chair. "Yeah… you will sit there."

"How do you want me to sit?"

"I have no idea," Edward muttered under his breath as I moved to sit in the chair and Edward stayed by his easel, looking tense, but also trying to focus. "Can you turn and drape your legs over the side of the chair?" I did as he asked, but he still didn't seem satisfied. "What about if you went back to your previous position and spread your legs, your arms resting on your knees?"

I repositioned myself and Edward still looked baffled. "Okay, just do something that would be comfortable for you."

"What do you want to paint though?"

"Anything… everything?" Edward turned around and moved the easel a bit so it was in just the right position, and I decided to just throw caution to the wind. I lifted both legs onto one arm rest and put my head on the other one, still facing him and giving him a good view of my tits, but not of much else. It was a start though. "That's not bad," Edward commented as he saw me in position.

He turned some quiet music on and suddenly he was lost in his art once again.

It was amazing to see the transformation of him, from awkward and unsure about painting again, to completely enthralled and focused. He stripped off his t-shirt about thirty minutes into our session and my eyes couldn't stop focusing on the smears of paint he made against his torso as he stopped and contemplated what to do next.

"This is very different from our first session," Edward suddenly piped up, pulling me from my thoughts.

"How so?"

"You seem more confident."

"That's good though, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but the first time I kept talking to you to try and ease the tension between us."

"That was a completely different kind of tension though. I was so tentative and nervous last time," I admitted unabashedly as Edward stopped and stared at me.

"And now?"

"It's more of a sexual tension," I answered quietly. "I mean… last time I wanted you too. You were absolutely adorable and sweet to me. You were so fucking sexy as you focused on your work, but now… it's just…"

"It's what?" I had no idea what to say to finish my sentence, so instead I followed my gut and did what I felt I should. The electricity between us had been crackling since we came home from our date and I realized I was tired of being stuck on first base with a man who I knew so intimately.

I turned my body and propped my ankles up on each of the arms of the chair, spreading myself open for Edward. He paused, his breathing hitched, as I watched him stare at me. I slid my hand slowly between my breasts until my I cupped my pussy and hid it from his view. I may have heard him growl, which was so out of character for Edward. Then I remembered that I only knew the Edward from my past sexually. He was much more mature now, and clearly he had changed in ways that I never imagined.

"Don't move," he urged as I watched him run from the room and come back with a new canvas. He replaced the existing one on his easel and began painting frantically, almost manically, as I couldn't help but slip a finger between my wet lips, desperate for some sort of release. I heard Edward gasp and then continue working at a pace I had never seen him do before. It was like rapid-fire painting, with Edward continually putting his brush to canvas and painting erratically.

"Add another one," Edward murmured as I opened my hooded eyes and looked up to see him adjust himself as he stared unabashedly at my movements. Following his instructions, I slipped another finger between my lips, caressing myself softly before slipping both fingers inside my wet pussy. "How…" Edward paused.

"How, what?"

"How the fuck did I ever think I could stay away from you?" Edward practically shouted as he dropped his brushes to the table, accidently dropping his hands in the paint, as he stepped towards me with darkened eyes. He licked his lips briefly before he kneeled in front of me, grasped my face in his paint covered hands, and began kissing me like our lives both depended on it.

His hands slipped down to my center and pulled my own free before he lifted me up and carried me into the bedroom. Even though I had dreamed constantly about being with Edward again, never in my wildest dreams did I think it would happen. I mean, I had hoped against hope, but to have him lay me down on the bed and remove his pants and boxers, his hard cock standing at attention, it was all kind of surreal.

"I want to be slow and gentle, but it's been so long for me," Edward explained as his fingers danced lightly between my spread thighs as I leaned back in the bed and watched him. Whereas a moment ago he was so intently focused on his art, now his obsession was directed towards me and my body. "You are just as gorgeous as I remember." He slipped a finger slowly between my soaking wet pussy lips and I groaned loudly at his touch. "You were always so responsive."

"Only for you," I uttered genuinely as Edward began kissing his way up my body until he sucked my bottom lip in between his, both of us groaning loudly at the sensation of both the kiss and our naked bodies finally coming together. "God, I want you so much, Edward."

Edward didn't hesitate as he kissed me deeply and then worked his way down the column of my neck, peppering soft kisses until he reached my breast and began sucking my already hardened nipple into his mouth. My body bucked against his, eager for more, and yet unwilling to move too fast since I didn't want this moment to end. Clearly Edward felt the same because he took his time loving me with his hands and lips, practically worshipping every inch of my body as though it was the first time he had ever seen it.

Our bodies moved in sync, like we were magnets trying to constantly stay connected to the other, and when Edward finally slipped himself inside me, his lips pressing roughly against mine, I couldn't help the guttural moan of sheer pleasure that fell from my lips.

In the dark confines of the bedroom that we used to share, Edward and I rocked our bodies and made love deep into the night. Though our first time culminated with our release rather quickly, Edward certainly lasted longer the second and third time we had sex. He certainly hadn't lost any of his eagerness or exuberance since we separated, but making love to him was definitely different than it had been. There was so much more meaning, emotion and… need, between us. Neither of us ever thought we would be together again, and we weren't taking anything for granted.

A little bit after our third release, Edward and I lay on our backs staring at the ceiling with our fingers entwined between us. It was such a simple gesture, but my heart was practically giddy with excitement. "Is it going to ruin things if I get out of bed to paint?"

I leaned onto my side and began to run my fingers slowly up his chest before leaning in for a sweet kiss against his lips. "I would expect nothing less."

"So you aren't mad?"

"Do I get to fall asleep?"

"Yes."

"Will you still be here in the morning?"

"Yes."

"Then no, I'm not mad." Edward kissed me once more before literally jumping out of bed and dashing back towards the living room, completely nude, where his unfinished canvases sat. As I lay still and heard the quiet beats of his music come through the wall, lulling me to sleep, I realized there was no way I would ever deny him anything, especially his art, again.

**Fic Rec Time**: Have you read Brighter by Rochelle Allison? I just caught up on it this morning and it makes me swoony. Actually of her stories do. I'm also really enjoying My Sweet Variable by LifeInTheSnow. Go read.


	29. Four White Petals

**I know, it's been less than a week since I updated, but I figured the epi is done, why make you wait, right? Yes, this is the epilogue. You will see the story is marked as complete.**

**I need to thank MaggieMay14 for betaing this mess. She has been a great friend and beta over the past few years and I adore her. Risbee and Acinad816 have been superb pre-readers, giving me their honest opinion and some of the sweetest comments. I may even keep them around for the night story. Yes, there will be another.**

**I don't own Twilight. I do own this little story, and I am dying to go to the new Picasso exhibit in Toronto this summer.**

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><p>"<em>Color<em>_ has taken possession of me; no longer do I have to chase after it. I know that it has hold of me forever... Color and I are one. I am a __painter__." Paul Klee_

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><p><strong>Spring 2013<strong>

**EPOV**

Life as I knew it ceased to exist almost a year ago.

I no longer worked for Emmett and had quit in September of last year when I couldn't manage to juggle both working for him and trying to paint. He hadn't minded me leaving of course, and hired a new employee to take my place who was surely more competent than I was.

Rosalie had given birth to a baby girl in July who they named Emma Grace Cullen. She was absolutely adorable, had Emmett wrapped around her finger, and was doted on by everyone in the family, even Bella. Though I had been concerned about her well-being after Emma's birth, Bella was obviously stronger than I gave her credit for.

Things had changed greatly for Bella and me as well. She finally graduated from the University of Washington with her poetry degree and then immediately began to take a degree in Education, having decided she wanted to be a teacher. I was fully supportive of her, but I quickly found that between her course load and working part time at the law firm, we never saw each other. This resulted in me telling her one night in October that I wanted to sell my condo and find a completely new place for us to live. After all, it had been 10 months since we had reconciled and we had made major strides together.

Bella was completely shocked by my surprise, but in a very positive way. We ended up selling both the loft and my condo rather quickly and right before Christmas we were settled in our new loft near the campus. It had two bedrooms, plus a larger kitchen and dining room area. There was also a den, off of the spacious living room, which currently housed all of my art supplies and Bella let me set up my easel in the living room. It was a lot like the last loft, without the old memories, and it was a little larger and closer to campus.

A few days before Christmas we got two more welcome surprises that we were not expecting.

Bella received a call from Kate to let her know that Peter had been all over the news in Chicago. Apparently, Peter had been fired by the law firm and was being sued by them for overcharging their clients and siphoning the profits. According to the article in the Chicago Sun-Times, Peter would apparently charge for dozens of hours of work which he didn't do and the excess funds padded his pockets.

"I always knew he was a complete and utter asshole," I muttered as Bella recounted her conversation with Kate to me.

"It gets worse."

"What did he do now?" Bella pulled up the article from the paper on her laptop and I sat down beside her and read the screen, my jaw dropping open as I read.

'_Mr. Masen has also been embroiled in a rather personal battle with Marcus Volturi, one of the partners of the firm. After breaking off his engagement with Marcus's stepdaughter, Mr. Masen began pursuing the wife of Mr. Volturi, Renee Swan-Volturi, who is twenty years his senior.'_

"Jesus fuck... really?" I almost choked on the air as I re-read the passage again and before I could say anything, Bella began to burst out into laughter.

"I should have seen this all coming you know?" I looked at her quizzically and Bella simply smiled. "There is nothing my mother loves more than power and money, so if Peter was siphoning off the clients, it was probably a huge turn on for her. Plus, Peter wanted to get ahead in the firm and my mother could definitely help him there. They are both so fucking greedy and selfish... I hope they both get what they deserve."

I pulled Bella against me and hugged her tightly as she continued to laugh.

"For the record, I find it absolutely creepy that your mother would want your sloppy seconds."

"I can't believe Peter would... fuck it, I could totally believe it," Bella smiled as I kissed her temple softly. "Now that I am done laughing at their stupidity, I need to finish this reading before the holidays. I don't want to think about school anymore."

Bella and I ended up having a comfortable Christmas at home in our loft. On Christmas Day, we went over to my parents' house and while Bella bonded with Emma, I got grilled from my mother about when I was going to make an honest woman out of Bella. I had to admit, the thought had crossed my mind, but I didn't feel like either of us was ready to make such a huge commitment. Sure, we had been living together again, but marriage was a whole different ball game.

In January 2013, I had my first official gallery opening following my departure. Leah's gallery hosted the event, which ended up being a huge success that no one could have imagined. I ended up selling 75% of my pieces and the gallery took the rest on consignment to sell for me. Bella and my mother both claimed they knew I would have great success, but I was still on the fence about it. After all, I didn't want to be famous, I just wanted to paint and maybe get paid for it every now and again.

Several of the paintings on display were of Bella, though her face couldn't be seen, because they were of her back, her leg or her arms etc... The pictures showcasing her beautiful face were in our apartment, and the more risqué ones were in our bedroom. They wouldn't be seen by anyone other than Bella or I.

Once word got around that my Seattle showing had been a success and people in the industry knew I was back from the dead, so to speak, the Kensington Gallery in San Francisco began to poke around a little bit more. They were interested in selling more of my works and even had a few buyers lined up, I just had to produce something for them that they deemed worthy. I made plans to fly down for a few days once Bella and I got back from our spring break trip to Washington, D.C.

Sure, it wasn't the typical trip that most college kids took to South Padre Island or Fort Lauderdale, but Bella was not an ordinary college kid. She was already 30 and I would be 26 in June, so hitting crowded beaches filled with drunken kids was the last thing we wanted to do. So, instead we decided to go all out and splurge a bit on a room at the Fairmont before we spent some time touring the National Gallery of Art. Though I insisted to Bella that I would only need a day, she figured I would spend one day in the Calder Exhibit and would need another day for the rest of the gallery.

She was right.

We ended up sitting on a bench in the middle of a portion of the exhibit, side by side, for almost two hours. Neither of us really said anything of importance until Bella reached into her purse and pulled out a small stack of envelopes.

"Those are the letters I wrote you." I looked at Bella completely perplexed by her actions. Why was she doing this? Why now?

"I don't want to read them."

"I want you to."

"Bella, it won't make a difference to me what those letters say. You could state that you hated me, you loved me, you wished everything had been different for us, but it took me months of therapy to face up to the fact that you and I are where we are supposed to be."

"Everything happens for a reason?" she offered as I squeezed her hand tightly in mine.

"Exactly. Dr. Gerandy made me see that even though we had a rough and tumultuous road to get to where we are, we may not have gotten here if it wasn't for all of that shit, ya know?" Bella nodded her head softly as I took the letters from her and stood up to toss them in a nearby trash can, her mouth agape as I did it. "Nothing those letters say can make me love you any more or any less than I do now."

Feeling like it was the perfect time, I dropped down on one knee and presented her with the heirloom ring that Esme had given me. It used to belong to my great-great grandmother and Esme knew the moment I told her that I was going to propose, that I had to have the ring.

Based on the expression on Bella's face as she burst into tears and swiftly nodded her agreement, I could tell Esme was right.

**June 2016**

**BPOV**

Edward and I were married three months after he proposed in a quiet ceremony in his parents' backyard. Kate & Garrett flew in from Chicago for the event, but everyone else was immediate family, including Leah and her fiancé Embry.

I wore a beautiful knee length white dress embellished with crocheted designs and I had a matching dress made for lil' Emma, my flower girl. It was simple, quiet and perfect for Edward and me. We spent a week afterwards in the Barbados for our honeymoon and it was while walking down the beach, with my hand clasped tightly in Edward's that I came to a major realization.

"I want to adopt a baby."

Edward didn't question me about anything because he wanted to have children, and if we weren't meant to conceive, this was a step towards achieving our dream of having a family.

The week we arrived home from the Barbados, we got in touch with a lawyer from the firm I used to work part-time at, and he put us in touch with a reputable firm that helped people looking to adopt. I had to admit, when the thought came to me, I didn't think it was going to be an easy road, but I also didn't realize just how difficult it would be for us. As each day passed it seemed like things were going from bad to worse.

There were hundreds of papers to be filled out and signed, dozens of meetings with people to figure out if we were worthy and Dr. Gerandy even had to account for our mental well being. It was taxing at the best. Edward and I relocated to a house, since we needed somewhere larger to raise a child, and we chose something near Emmett and Rosalie, so that we had family around. The people from the agency even had to meet our family and interview them to make sure our home was a good fit for a child.

The longer it seemed to take, the worse I became. Edward would find me crying in bed, after he worked late into the night painting, and I would be a blubbering mess. I cried over and over again about how I had screwed up our chance to have our own flesh and blood child, but he consoled me like the supportive and loving husband he was. Edward continually reminded me that even though I might not have given birth to the child we would eventually adopt, I would be the best mother ever.

Sure enough, in June the agency found a woman who was having a child that she wasn't able to keep. Angela was only eighteen years old and had a strict religious upbringing, but she had discovered she was pregnant after a one night stand and couldn't even remember who the father was. Though she loved the child she was carrying, she knew she couldn't raise it properly and we met with her on a regular basis until she agreed to let us adopt once she had given birth.

Edward and I were over the moon when we finally received word that Angela had gone into labor. We rushed to the hospital and barely made it in time to see little Thomas Alexander Cullen come into the world.

It was only five weeks later that I discovered I was pregnant. I took three tests and when they both came back positive; I still didn't believe the results. Though I wanted it to be true more than anything, I had been late, and super emotional, before. I refused to get Edward's hopes up, so I dropped Thomas off with Esme one afternoon and went to see my doctor.

"Bella, it has always been possible for you to conceive following your initial miscarriage," Dr. Elliott informed me, as I sat slack-jawed in front of her desk. "Though your miscarriage and recovery had been rough, I think you may have been given incorrect information from the doctors in Forks. Your tubes have fully recovered and I don't foresee any issues with this pregnancy as long as you continue to take care of yourself."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," she said sweetly as I nodded my head and listened as she booked an appointment for me to come back in a few weeks.

Needless to say, when I walked in the door to our house and found Edward with Thomas, my heart swelled. "I picked him up from my mom, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," I said, as I moved over and kissed Edward's temple, as he rocked Thomas to sleep.

"My mom called me cause he was being a bit fussy, so I went and picked him up when my meeting with Leah was done." I nodded, already knowing this since I had called Esme when I left the doctor's office.

"Did everything go alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine. They sold a few more pieces, the usual shit... Leah wants to get together for dinner next week if we can." Edward paused for a moment before eyeing me up suspiciously. "How did your meeting go?"

During the car ride home I contemplated how on earth to give Edward the news about the new baby. After all, we had just adopted Thomas and things were finally falling into place. Could I really have two children born within 1 year of each other? Well, I knew I was going to find out since there was nothing stopping me from having it all.

"I went to the doctor." Edward immediately tensed and I picked Thomas up from his arms and placed him softly in the playpen to continue his nap. "I got some unexpected news today."

"Just spit it out, Bella," he whispered angrily.

"I'm pregnant."

Eight months later, little Lila Alice Cullen came into the world and our little family was complete. Thomas was becoming a very precocious one year old and was thrilled to have a baby sister, even more so than Edward and I were excited to welcome a daughter.

Where once there was a lack of color in our lives, Edward and I were now surrounded in every beautiful color in the rainbow and our lives were perfect.

**Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and review this little story. For some reason you guys seem to like me, and I promise I will continue to write. I have a Twi25 short story that I plan to start posting daily next week. In the meantime, why don't you check out twificmeetup . blogspot .com. There's going to a Meetup of Twific Writers, Readers, Friends etc... in Vegas in early June and I will be there. You should be there too!**

**If you want something to read, you should check out: Dear Maggie by Jenny0719, Rm w a Vu by AngelGoddess1981 and Head Over Feet by iambeagle.**

**Until Next Time! - cpw**


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